


Please don't go

by Feenaa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Friendship, Hospitals, M/M, Married Couple, Men Crying, Post-Divorce, Sad Ending, True Love, Two Endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:20:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22898641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenaa/pseuds/Feenaa
Summary: It has been a year since Louis asked for a divorce, Harry never signed the paper, never intended to, but what happens when Harry's life turns upside down. will he let the love of his life just slep away alongside his life? or will he keep the only true thing that really matters to him and fight together.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 54
Kudos: 92





	1. Chapter 1

It was 2 in the morning, when Louis's phone rang beside him. he was sleeping, at the start he thought he was dreaming, but the ringing was continuously, and Louis finally opened his eyes, He took the phone and he looked at the ID, he had no idea what that number was, he wanted to ignore, but somehow he finally answered

“ hello..”

A man answered , his voice was high and he was at a crowded place  
“ is this MR. LOUIS TOMLINSON?”

Louis became alert gradually “ it's him.”

The man “ do you know any Harry Tomlinson ?”

And Louis was completely alerted now, what did Harry do now, he thought he was over with him, he had asked for a divorce for a year now, but Harry never signed the paper, but Louis couldn't care any more. he made his point , he hated Harry and didn’t want to stay with him as his husband, he knew Harry hadn't sign the paper just to make him angry, so what possibly could be happening now 

He pinched his nose bridge “ yes I do..”  
The man “ I'm sorry to inform you. he is at St. Thomas hospital now. we need you there sir since you are in his emergency calls we really need you here as fast as you can"

Louis was sitting now on his bed, barely speaking, what was going on

“ ok...er.. what happened?”

The man “ I'm sorry sir.. I'm not allowed to discuss that with you. but you have to come.. you are his only medical emergency "

Louis difficulty taking his breath “ okay. I will be there"

Louis put the phone beside him, slowly turn on the light, he needed to go to the hospital, he needed to move, but he just couldn't. his legs just didn't respond to him. 

Harry was at hospital , he was in danger, okay he hated Harry now but not to be in hospital, this was serious, this was scary.

He finally stood up, and he acted now really fast , he just wore a hoodie on his sweatpants, and took a jacket, took his phone, wallet, car keys, he stormed outside his room, and he almost crashed with his flatmate

“ wow.. wow.. watch up.. where are you going..”

Louis frantically  
“ Zayn ..thanks God. it's harry.”

Zayn was their old friend , he loved that couple so much, but when Harry cheated on Louis for three moths, and when Louis asked for a divorce, Zayn knew which side he had to take

“ what's wrong with him again?” Zayn asked frowning  
Louis tried to control his voice “ I have no idea. someone called me from ... a hospital... they need me there"

Zayn was shocked “ what happened?

Louis moving to the door “ I told you... I have no idea.. they called me because I'm in medical forms.. that idiot had no time to take my name off the forms"

He was nervous, Zayn could see that “ alright.. alright I'm coming with you”  
*****  
Zayn was the one who drove, Louis's full body was shaking, he couldn't control himself and he kept thinking for the worse, Zayn tried to calm him down, but he was scared himself, they both were scared, and they both had the same idea in their minds, but no one could spell it, they were afraid that Harry's cancer has returned back.

That's true Harry had brain tumour, he was sixteen, and he was treated successfully, and for the next ten years Harry never suffered or complained from anything, the idea alone was scary, Harry had seen hard days, and no one would love to see him suffering again.

When Zayn and Louis arrived the hospital, they were met by Harry's nurse, and she asked them to wait for the doctor, she didn't tell them what was happening, if he was alive or not, she didn't tell them anything. 

They both had to stay at the waiting room, each one was trapped in his own mind. these three used to be friends since they were kids, both Zayn and Louis knew Harry when he was with them at school couple years younger, but immediately they become friends, when Harry and Louis came out, Zayn was there supporting them, and he stayed supporting them even when they decided the divorce, although he picked louis's side, he still cared about Harry, Harry did a mistake and he hurt Louis, but Zayn still cared. 

Louis on the other hand , his mind was killing him, these past thirty minutes felt like hell, he forgot every bad thing that happened between him and Harry, he even convinced himself that he forgave Harry, all he needed now was to know that Harry was okay.

“ Harry tomlinson ?”

Both Zayn and Louis left their seats and headed toward the doctor who called Harry's name.

The doctor shack hands with the two men “ I'm doctor Liam payne... I'm responsible for Harry's condition. Er... MR. Tomlinson?”

Louis nodded “yes.”

Liam nodded “ are you ready to discuss Harry's diagnosis..”

Louis only nodded, he didn't know what to say,  
Liam “ okay. is it okay to speak in front of your friend?”

Louis “ yeah yeah he is family” they meant Zayn

LIAM “ okay.. Mr. Tomlinson showed up at the hospital three hours ago... he was found unconscious at the street, he was.. attacked.”

Louis gasped, Liam “ when he arrived here. he wasn't breathing... and we found four blood clots in his lungs. we fixed the damage and we believe he will be okay. but.. I need to tell you we don't know the reason for this clots..”

Zayn “ I thought you said he was attacked?”

Liam nodded “ yes. someone hit him on his head, not chest... so...”

Louis finally said “ he had cancer..”

Both Zayn and Liam looked at him , Louis tried to sound strong “ could it be the reason... he had cancer ten years ago"

Liam nodded sadly “ maybe, yeah maybe.. what was it?”

“ brain tumour, he had a lot of surgeries, he was finally okay...I mean... he does his annual check ups"

Liam nodded “ okay... I will make some tests..”

Louis only nodded, Liam “ listen... we still don't know, let's hope for the best"

Louis didn't comment , Liam “ would you like to see him?”

Louis nervous “ is he awake?”

Liam “ not for now... but if you want to, he will be awake soon"

Louis just nodded, and the three men moved to the room where Harry was,  
, ********

It was a year ago since Louis last seen Harry, he looked different now, he cut his hair, finally cut his hair, and even if he was pale, he looked more handsome, he looked younger, that was the Harry that Louis fell in love long time ago. 

Louis slowly sat by him on the chair, Zayn went to bring them coffee since they wouldn't sleep anytime soon. 

Louis knew Zayn was running, he always got anxious when it came to Harry's health, previously when Harry was spending months at hospitals, Zayn hated to visit him, he hated to see Harry weak, and it wasn't a secret anymore. 

Harry was sleeping, nasal cannula was resting under his nose, white bondage on his forehead, another cannula was giving him the nourishment he needed. heart monitor kept peeping to show his heart state.  
and Louis cried, not because Harry was sleeping this way, because he remembered, Harry would hate seeing himself again at the hospital, Louis knew how much Harry hated the hospital, it took Louis forever to convince Harry to visit anyone at the hospital, let alone doing his annual check ups, and right now, Louis's heart skipped a beat, he now knew that Harry must ignored this year check up, and maybe this would lead to a bad thing. 

Louis looked at Harry's face, he wanted to hug Harry, he didn't explain his feelings at that moment, but he couldn't trick himself anymore, no one was there to watch anyway, there was no need for that mask that Louis wore every time anyone mentioned Harry, he wanted to show all the people that he is strong without Harry, but he wasn't , he was weak, very weak, he even forgave him the minute Harry apologized crying, but he hated that feeling, that he wouldn't survive without him, and he wanted to prove that he was strong, that he hated Harry, but deep deep inside, he never did, how could he and he wad his Harry.

******  
Three hours later, Harry finally opened his eyes, at the start, he didn't know where he was, all he could see was white ceiling, and then he heard that voice, peep, peep, peep, and no, this couldn't be happening again. he felt a sudden pain in his head, and he felt like an elephant was sitting on his chest, but he still didn't know why he was there, he felt his nasal cannula, and when he looked at his hand, he saw a brown hair. 

someone was lying by him on a chair resting his head on Harry's bed, he looked again around him, and he saw someone sleeping on the couch in front. 

“ oh God..” he whispered, he knew those two men, and he felt like he was back ten years in time, and no

“ you are awake?”

Harry looked again at the brown haired man, Louis.  
but he didn't answer, he rested his head back at the pillow trying to figure out what day was this

“ do you know where you are?” it was Zayn this time, Harry opened his eyes, Zayn was in front of him  
“ obviously hospital" Harry said weakly. 

Louis was watching Harry, he was trying to figure if Harry was in pain, Harry was the master in hiding his pain, he had the longest time to learn. 

Harry closed his eyes again “ what happened?”

Zayn looked at Louis, then Louis started “ you've been attacked..”

Harry looked at him surprisingly

Louis “ someone hit you. On your head.. we didn’t know why or what he stole from you.. but your wallet is still here"

Harry then nodded, and again rested his head , Louis  
“ there was something else..”

Harry this time didn't look, he just closed his eyes, louis didn't know if he was avoiding them or he was in pain

“ you had pulmonary embolism.. they didn't know why"

Harry just nodded , Louis “ do you have any idea?”

Harry shrugged “ I could think of one..”

Zayn sighed “ what's wrong with you... who attacked you and why?”

Louis looked at Zayn , he wanted to say it wasn't his fault, don't be hard on him, but he knew Zayn was worried too. 

Louis looked at Harry “can you remember anything?”

Harry looked at Louis “ what time is it?”

Louis knew what Harry was doing, he was avoiding the answer, Louis didn't try to push any further, he just looked at his watch

“ almost 8...”

Harry nodded “ you should leave...”

Louis was confused, Harry “ I don't know how did you know about that..but.”

Louis interrupted “ i'm still in your medical forms..”

Harry stopped talking, then he finally said “ oh..”

Louis sighed “ I'm not leaving Harry... they need to do some tests..”

Harry shook his head in disbelief “ oh God"

Zayn was getting angry “ what are you hiding Harry?”

Harry looked at him really confused “ what?”

Zayn “ who attacked you..”

Harry also was getting angry “ I don't know.. someone must thought I was something...”

Zayn “ then why you want us to leave..”

Harry louder “ why stay?we are not friends anymore, they only called him because I didn't fucking take his name off.. so you don't need to stay" 

Louis yelled “ shut up... both of you...”

then his phone rang, he looked at his phone , it was Ben, his boy friend, Louis was hesitated for a second  
“ I have to take this..”

He stood up leaving “ behave .both of you..”

Zayn was watching Louis, and he knew who was calling, after Louis leaving he looked back at  
Harry, but Harry started

“ you should leave... both”

Zayn inhaled sharply “ ok.. I'm leaving... good luck with convincing him..”

Zayn was heading to the couch to grab his jacket, Harry said voice cracking

“ no you do..”

Zayn froze at his place, why Harry was this weak, when he faced him, he saw Harry's eyes were full of tears , Zayn got closer  
“ why?what do you know?”

Harry wiped away his tears “ I hide nothing. but this doesn't sound any good. I don't need him around..”

Zayn was going to talk, but the door was opened and Liam entered, he looked at Harry smiling

“ good morning MR. Tomlinson ... how are you feeling now?”

And he took the chart from Harry's bed, and he read what was on it, then he looked at Harry expecting his answer Harry finally said

“ I feel fine..”

Liam nodded “ okay... do you know what happened?”

Then Louis entered the room,  
Harry “ I was attacked.. but I remember nothing really... and I had PE..”

Liam nodded “ so you know what PE then?”

Harry nodded “ I do.. I had it before.”

Liam nodded never lose the smile “ okay.. MR-"

Harry interrupted “ please call me Harry..”

Liam nodded “ okay Harry... we need to do some tests... we need to know what was the reason for that this time"

Harry tried to smile, he looked at his lap, and Louis saw a fallen tear Harry tried so hard to hide. 

Liam “ the nurse will prepare you. your friends can wait here.. it won't take any time.”

Harry just nodded, and Liam left the room, Louis looked at Harry “ I will wait..”

Zayn who was holding his jacket “ yeah, me too"

Harry just nodded again, but he looked hurt, or weak, Louis couldn't explain what he really saw, but he knew Harry was scared, Louis was scared himself.

Zayn and Louis waited for Harry in his room, an hour later Harry again showed up on his bed, he looked exhausted, his eyes were puffed, and they knew Harry was crying, when he was again on his bed, he just stayed there and no one said a word, finally Louis said  
“ how are you?”

Harry swallowed his tears “ fine..”

Louis sat again by him on the bed “ do you need to call anyone?”

Harry only shook his head “ even if I want to... the nurse just told me I had no phone"

Louis nodded “ yeah... yeah..”

Zayn looked at them “ I can call Niall.. I think I have his number"

Harry only nodded, and Zayn left the room, Louis was still looking at Harry, Harry was looking at his lap  
“ you will be okay Harry..”

Harry didn't answer, Louis “ do you know when are the results?”

Harry shrugged, then he finally said “ could you not tell my family... or yours... till we find out.”

Louis nodded and then he placed his hand on Harry's  
“ you will be okay Harry.. you are always okay.. “

Harry shrugged again, the he sighed “ I want to believe this...”

“ did you go to your last check up?”

Harry didn't move “ I don't think I did... it was in March.”

Louis nodded, he knew when it was, and he knew it was right after Harry receiving his divorce papers

Harry whispered “ I feel it..”

Louis's heart skipped a beat, he knew Harry very well, Harry never complains, if Harry says he feels it, then he feels it,  
Harry looked at his lap again “ I can feel it... and I hate what I feel"

Louis pressed on his hand “ stop... stop thinking this way.. let's just wait, it could be anything else and even if it was back. you can beat it.”

Harry looked at Louis's eyes “ I had you before..”

Louis just froze there, didn’t say a word, Harry just sighed and let his tears fall free. 

Harry felt his cancer was back,Louis felt Harry's cancer was back, he wanted to hug him, to reassure him, but he just couldn't, right now he had someone else, and maybe Harry had someone else, at that moment they didn't belong together. They weren't a couple and it sucks


	2. Chapter 2

Few hours later, Harry was sleeping , and he wasn't waking up anytime soon. Louis needed to leave, he needed a good shower, and to change whatever he was wearing , and may sleep for two hours. Zayn promised he wouldn't leave, he would wait for him at the hospital cafeteria. 

When Louis was walking in the hospital corridor,and was still trying to control himself, and prepare himself for the bad news

“ Mr Tomlinson.... Mr Tomlinson..”

Someone was calling from behind, Louis turned to see and it was Dr Payne

Louis stopped , Liam was walking closer “ are you leaving already?”

Louis nodded “ he is sleeping , I will be back again.”

Liam nodded “ it's okay.. I just have a couple of questions for you. is it okay?”

Louis didn't know what to expect, he only nodded, and Liam started

“ I need to know if you noticed anything lately different like losing his appetite, headache, fatigue.”

Louis didn't know what to say, he didn't know anything actually, he hadn't seen him for a long time, and yeah he looked different, but

“ I ... er..”

Liam “ it's okay.. I know how difficult it is for you now.”

Louis stopped talking, Liam “ he told me he was not feeling alright lately, exhausted , and he passed out two weeks ago?”

Louis “ I don't know...i..we are separated, we are having a divorce.”

Liam looked terribly shocked “ I have no idea.. I am so sorry"

“ no , no it's okay.. I wish I really could help. but I ... I’m sorry"

Liam only nodded “ don't be, I hope everything between you ends for your best." he then looked at his pager ".I have to go..I'm sorry.. I will meet you again”

Liam was leaving, but Louis said “ Dr Payne... is it back?”

Liam stopped moving “ you mean his cancer?”

“ he suffered a lot.. I just can't imagine him go through this again.”

Liam looked understanding “ according to his history I believe there is a big possibility...his scans show something at his brain. but we took a biopsy to examine .listen lets not sound pessimistic” he smiled pressing in Louis's shoulder, and then he left.

****, **

All the way to home, Louis was thinking about Harry, what if it was back again, how Harry would accept this, last time he was brave, he remembered very well what happened that day, he went with him, waited outside the office while Harry and his mom were inside receiving the bad news. when they went outside the two of them were pale, but Harry never lost his smile, he insisted that everything must be the same, he never quited his band he formed back at school, he studied hard, went through all his exams, he was believing in life, but right now Harry had changed a lot, and he started to hate his life long time ago.

When Louis entered his flat, he heard some noises at the kitchen, must be Gigi, he walked to say hi, but there was no Gigi, it was Ben

Louis was confused, Ben was washing some dishes. The oven was on, and he knew Ben was angry.

“ what are you doing here?” Louis asked trying to start a conversation

Ben turned to see him “ I thought you would be home.”

“ I was at the hospital..”

Ben nodded drying his hands with a towel “ you told me you were leaving.. like two hours ago.”

Louis nodded “ yeah... I was. “

Ben was angry but was trying to control his temper, Ben hated Harry, that was obvious, they fought a lot, and one day Harry even attacked him, and Louis was there at the right time to stop them from killing each other. 

Ben used to work with Louis before Louis starting his own business and opening his book store. Ben always liked him, but Louis was married at that time , when Harry cheated on Louis, Ben was the one who told Louis , and it was his chance to win Louis's heart, and he did, he stayed with Louis, collected all the broken pieces, he was a good man, always felt like Louis deserved better, and he was only protecting Louis. 

Ben finally asked “ is he okay?”

Louis just shrugged “ I have no idea... we still don't know.”

Ben nodded looked at the kitchen table “ I made you something to eat..you need a shower, maybe  
sleep a little.”

Louis nodded “ thank you..you skipped work?”

Ben just shook his head and turned to finish the dishes  
“ it's my day off Louis.”

And shit, Louis forgot they had plans for today, but he just can't , even if he did go out with him, his mind would be somewhere else, and Louis was bad at hiding his feelings. 

After having his shower, they were eating together, it was tense, they barely said a word, and Louis needed to say something to comfort Ben

“ don't get mad..”

Ben stopped eating, he looked at Louis  
“ I am not, not at you..”

Louis sighed “ don't be mad at all. they called me because I am still in his emergencies calls. I wouldn't know-.”

“ he uses you..”

“ how? He wasn't even conscious..”

“ Harry would do anything just to win you back.”

Louis closing his eyes “ we talked about that. I don't care what he wants.I know what I chose.” 

“ you chose him. you will always choose him.”

louis looking at Ben shocked  
“ what are you talking about ?.”

“ the minute they called you. you ran to him.. did you forget what he did to you.?”

Louis was getting angry “ Ben... stop it... just stop it, he needs me. whoever needs me I will be there, he was my husband.”

“ still your husband... he never signed the papers"

Louis standing up “ but I did. a year ago. I don't want him back, but if he needs me I will be there so stop being jealous. you sound like him now..”

Ben also stood up furious this time “ if he is trying to win you back then I will be jealous as much as I can. “

Louis looked at him, then he calmed down, he couldn't blame him, Harry had done everything to disturb their lives, if he switched places he would be like Ben maybe worse

“ please, don't do this. we stopped fighting about him long time ago.”

Ben stopped talking, he was angry but he was trying to calm, he looked at the table saying “ don't go again.”

Louis sighed, he knew Ben would ask for that  
“ I can't..”

Ben looked at him shocked ,Louis “ I have to be with him for these coming days.”

Ben leaving the table, Louis followed him raising his voice to convince him  
“ it doesn't mean anything. just for these days.”

Ben moved outside the kitchen towards the door, but Louis caught his hand

“ there is no need for all of this. I promise. please, don't leave me now.”

Ben looked at Louis in the eyes, Louis was trying to fake everything feelings he felt, but it wasn’t tworking

Ben must saw it because he said“ you need some sleep... I will call you at the night"  
And then he left.

*******

At the evening, Zayn called Louis, he had to leave Harry for work, and he told him Niall was there. 

Louis dressed and headed towards the hospital, but he didn't know what was waiting for him. 

When he entered the room, he heard a voice saying  
“ I need you to sign this. you have to know you are doing this on your own responsibility, you should stay much longer so we know you are stable.”

Louis looked and he saw Harry sitting on the bed full dressed, holding a pen and a paper, in front of him standing Dr Payne, and Niall was at the other side of the room looking nervously at Harry, biting his nails. when Louis looked at Niall he just shrugged  
“ what is happening..” asked Louis

Liam looked at him “ thanks God you are here. maybe you can convince him. he wants to leave.”

Harry avoided looking at anyone

Louis getting closer “ Harry what are you doing. you can't leave.”

Harry gave the paper to Liam, he stood up, really slowly  
Liam “ you have to listen to your husband. you can't leave..”

Harry looked at Liam finally “ I won't stay. you said I will take it on my responsibility. so fine, I am.”

Liam shook his head “ do you at least have someone staying with you?”

“ I will be okay..”

Liam “ this is serious Mr Tomlinson, you need to know.. it's really life threatening situation”

Harry nodded “ I know that Dr, thank you ..”

Liam just nodded, he knew he had nothing to do, he looked at Louis who was still staring at Harry, then he said

“ we will call you in two days for your results. if you don't show up. we will inform your medical power attorney again.”

Harry said hastily interrupting him “ don't ... I will be there.”

Louis looked at him confused

Harry “ I need to make some changes in my medical forms. so right now just contact me or my sister, I will leave you her number.”

Louis tried “ Harry it's okay.”

Harry shook his head still looking at Liam  
“ we are nearly divorced, so no need to bother the man..”

Louis just nodded and waited till Harry finish talking and Liam leaving. 

Louis followed Liam outside, when Liam silently asked him to follow, when they were outside Liam asked  
Louis

“ is there anyone staying with him?”

Louis just shrugged, Liam  
“ okay you need to know he is still not out of danger.. is he always that stubborn?”

Louis sighed “ actually.. yes... listen ,please call me when the results are ready. he is just upset and you know confused.”

Liam nodded “ i'm calling you. not because he is confused, because you are responsible for him... till he change your name you will be responsible in front of me"

Louis nodded “ ok thanks.” then he saw both Harry and Niall leaving the room, so he excused and moved towards them, when Harry saw him coming  
“ go home.”

He said walking by Niall, Niall was still nervous and looking really scared

Louis didn't talk he just followed him till they were in front of Niall's car, Harry sat slowly at the back seat , he looked like shit, Louis had no idea why he left, or maybe he knew the right answer

“ I told you to go home.” Harry said struggling, Niall looked at Louis begging him to stay

Louis sighed looking at Harry “ I need a ride. Zayn has my car..”

Niall nodded “ sure.. get in.”

They all were inside the car and Niall was driving, it took Harry two minutes and he was asleep again. 

Niall looked at the rear window to look at Harry, to make sure he was asleep

“ okay.. what the hell is going on.”

“ I have no idea... he was attacked..”

“ yeah he said that, who and why?"

Louis “ you are asking the wrong person.. I should ask you this"

Niall looked at him confused “ why?”

Louis “ you are the one who sees him everyday.. aren't you working together.”

Niall just nodded, Louis “ what?”

“ Harry was fired Louis.. three months ago.”

Louis was shocked “ why?”

“ he became just careless, then he put himself in something bigger than himself, he screwed up.”

“ that easy? how could they? ” Louis was angry but he tried to talk with a lower tune

Niall looked at him “ you don't know what he did.. they wanted to put him in jail so firing him was really a good choice for him..”

Louis was still not believing “ fuck.”

Niall nodded “ yes.. fuck"

Louis looked again at him  
“ what did he do to you?”

Niall didn't look at Louis, didn't even say a word, Louis  
“ Niall.. what happened?”

Naill sighed “ he did nothing. he just pushed me away. no matter how I tried he just needs to be alone he needs to spoil his life"

Louis just sighed, he never knew how Harry was spending his time, he never thought that he would cause himself all this shit.  
******

In Harry's home, he barely was walking really, he leaned most of his body on Niall's while Louis was opening the door, Louis never visited Harry in his new place, in fact he never knew where he lived and he was surprised. it was the farthest place from where he used to live with Louis. 

Harry was so exhausted. Taking his breath difficulty, Niall helped him to put him in his bed, Louis only followed silently. 

Harry sat on his bed slowly taking his shoes off, he then looked at Niall

“ you have to go home. you have a work tomorrow ”

“ it's okay. I will figure out something.”

Harry shook his head “ no. I will sleep any way.”

“ the doctor says you shouldn’t be alone"

Harry still insisting “ the doctor knows nothing.”

Louis opened a drawer and put out a sweatpants and a t-shirt, a clean boxer, and then he put them on the bed beside Harry

Harry looked at the clothes and nodded, Louis and Niall left the room  
*****

Niall in the kitchen drinking something, sitting with Louis around the table

“ okay. now what?”

“ you can't stay?”

Niall shook his head “ I can sleep the night with him. but I have a meeting at 8 I can't skip it..”

Louis nodded, Niall “ he can't stay alone”

Louis “ no. he can't.. he isn't stable yet.”

Niall sounded angry when he said this “ then why he left?? why he always has to be that stubborn.”

Louis took a deep breath, he didn't know if Harry ever mentioned to him about what was really going on, but he knew Harry, he won't say a word, and he was sure that Harry never mentioned having cancer before specially to Niall, not cheerful Niall. 

Louis finally said “ he just hates hospitals.”

Niall sighed “ no one loves hospitals. but he had to stay there, there is no need to keep us worry.” 

“ I will stay..”

Niall shook his head “ no.. you don't have to deal with him, not now"

“ if he is a stubborn,then I am the worst, you all know that, I know how to deal with him..”

“ is this okay? Really? I can call Ed or anyone... what about his family?”

Louis shook his head “ no, no, don't tell his family, no need to scare them..”

“ what about your store?”

Louis just smiled “ someone will cover for me.”

Niall just nodded , he then looked at the cup in front of him

“ what do you think happened?” Louis shrugged , Niall continued “ cause I have my own story in my mind. he was drunk and he upsat someone...”

Louis looked at him frowning, Niall “ I'm sorry, but this is the only thing that makes sense..”

“ he was attacked, someone hit him, someone stole his phone,”

Niall nodded leaving the table “ yes, you are probably right... I have to go. if you need anything just call me... what about your car?”

“ I will take care of this, it's okay..”

Niall headed to the door “ okay. I will be here right after the meeting"

Louis nodded, and then he was left alone with Harry, it has been a long time, and now he was alone again with Harry, he just took a deep breath and he needed to arrange what he had to do, first thing first, he needed to call Jessy his co worker and tell her he wouldn't show up in the morning ,again. and he needed to make soup for Harry, sure he was hungry .

Thirty minutes later , Louis was still in the kitchen making probably the worst soup ever, Louis never cooked, it wasn't his thing, every time he tried to cook anything, it ended up as a disaster

“ what are you doing?” it was Harry leaning on the door frame

Louis looked at him, and he missed him, very much, he missed this, staying together, cooking for each other, taking care of each other, Harry was in a big mess, not just his health, his whole life was messed up, and Louis hated that. 

“ making you some soup.you must be hungry.”

Harry moved and sat on the table still looking at Louis

“ I am, but do you think I would risk and eat your soup. I know I might be dying now. but not to eat your soup"

Harry was teasing him laughing, but Louis winced at that, he knew he might be true about the dying thing,  
“ I got improved.” he said trying to smile

Harry nodded “ I think Ben finally has an effect on you then.”

Louis moved to put some soup on a plate for him,  
Harry “ what else he taught you?”

“ oh shut up..” then he put the soup in front of Harry

“ I don't know how do you like him.”

Louis sat by him, Harry tasted the soup, he then nodded

“ is it good or my cancer is killing my taste buds.”

Louis sighed “ would you stop talking like that?”

“ ok.. back to Ben then. why do you like him?.”

“ and stop talking about Ben. he is a good man, I love him Harry. the minute you sign the paper I will marry him. so enough talking about him okay.”

Harry only nodded, but he left the spoon, Louis  
“ you must finish this..”

Harry looked at him “ why are you here?”

Louis groaned“ oh God ... you are un believable.”

“ just tell me why?do you still care?”

Louis shook his head in disbelief  
“ you have to bring this now. seriously?”

Harry was still looking at Louis, Louis  
“ i'm not discussing this.. now.”

“ why not? We have never been like this. alone I mean since you asked for the divorce.”

Louis was getting angry, something that Harry was so good at making 

“ you cheated on me Harry... not for once or twice no for three fucking months.. you made me look stupid. I don't deserve this so of course I would ask for a divorce. if I wasn't enough for you then  
why the hell not..”

Harry nodded “ yeah... and you ran into Ben arms.”

Louis leaving the table “ no, no you are not making this... don't you ever compare yourself with him.”

Harry shook his head “ oh.. never I know i'm much better.”

“ at least he is loyal.”

“ oh please..”

“ you please, it is in your blood.”

And that was it, Louis regretted it immediately, he looked at Harry, who was staring shocked at him  
“ I didn't mean it..”

Harry nodded , slowly he stood up  
“ Thanks for the soup. I need to sleep"

Louis said softly “ I didn't mean it..”

Harry smiling “ yeah you do, in fact i've seen this in your eyes since you knew about the cheating. but I'm nothing like him. he hit her, cheated on her and then abandoned us. i'm nothing like my father .

Louis whispered “ I know..”

Harry wiped his tears “ I think you should leave.”

“ Harry I'm sorry..”

Harry left the kitchen followed by Louis to the room, he knew he hurt him badly, and he didn't meant it, but Harry provoked him

Inside his room, Harry sat on his bed

“ go home Louis, you don't have to stay.. I'm not dying tonight.”

“ please stop talking like that"

Harry looked at him “ like what? it's the truth. so you can live happily ever after with your loyal boyfriend ”

Louis “ grow up. stop talking like this. Stop being annoying God.. you are impossible”

Harry lied on the bed “ another reason to hate me when I'm dead.”

Louis was leaving the room “ fine.. if that what you want. but you don't need another reason for me to hate you. I already have enough.”

He left the room slamming the door behind him, and he stormed away, he didn't leave, of course he wouldn't leave, he sat on the couch in front of the TV. 

he turned the TV on, and he lied there, and it hurt. it smelled like Harry, everything here smelled like him, he hugged the cushion and cried, how could they let this happen to them, how could Harry cheat on him, why would Harry cheat on him, it hurt badly, all Louis wanted to do now was hugging him, he knew how scared Harry was right now, he wanted to reassure him, tell him everything would be okay, but he couldn’t. 

In Harry's room, things were no different, Harry was sitting on his bed, his back resting on the head board, and he was crying, he didn't care about his cancer, about his pain, he only cried because he hated that feeling that was growing in his chest, the craving, the intimacy he was feeling when he was with Louis, he felt home, he knew he screwed up big time, he asked for forgiveness but Louis denied it, Louis wanted the divorce, but how could Harry divorce him, if cancer doesn’t kill Harry, divorce will for sure, Harry missed Louis so much if he only knew.

The two of them tried to sleep, but no one knew how to sleep when the other part of him was lying in the same place but yet they couldn't hug or even touch. 


	3. Chapter 3

The door bell was ringing continuously with violent banging on the door, that what woke Louis up, he was sleeping on Harry's couch , the TV was still on and he was even still wearing his shoes he must have slept from exhaustion. 

Louis headed towards the door , and he heard a loud voice yelling

“ open the fucking door Styles. I know you are in here... open the door styles you can't hide for much longer.”

Louis opened the door shocked, there was a man mid thirties, looking like a man from a gang, dressing in black, looking furious, tattoos everywhere, and he was about to hit anyone any second,

“ where the hell is he?” he said looking at Louis angrily 

Louis yelled “ who the hell are you..”

The man just pushed Louis and entered the flat  
“ where are you Styles. I know you are in here and I still need my money.”   
Louis didn't know what was that, and why he was calling him styles. Did Harry signed the paper and got his name back? Wasn't he still a Tomlinson? 

the man yelled again looking at the closed doors “ I just gave you a small lesson. next time bones will be broken."

And Louis knew that was the man that attacked Harry  
“ you attacked him.”

Then the man turned to look at him  
“ hay. I know you. you are the husband. yes you are. He was trying to keep you away from me he even returned to his old name he thought I don't know who you are, he did so hard to hide that shit from you"

“ what shit? what the hell are you talking about.”

The man looked around him again

“ get the fuck out Harry, don't hide like a coward you are not a coward.”

Louis pulled the man “ you talk to me . what are you talking about.”

The man looked at Louis's hands which were holding him from his collar, and then slowly he yanked his hand down  
“ you need to calm down young man, I will only forgive you because you don't know what you are doing.”

Then he looked again towards Harry's room “ you have three days Harry. I don't care what your condition is.. the deal is a deal."

Then he stormed out the flat, once he was outside, Zayn and Gigi entered

Zayn asking “ what the fuck is that.” Zayn asked Louis, he was still angry, still shocked

Gigi was looking at something beside Louis “ are you ok Harry?”

When Louis turned he saw Harry's back, he was storming towards the bathroom, but Louis had lost it, he followed him , so as Zayn and Gigi

“ no, you are not running away..” Louis was yelling 

But Harry closed the door behind him and , and they all heard him retching, and all the anger in Louis heart was melted, when Harry retched again Zayn couldn't stand that, he moved away back to the kitchen followed by Gigi, Louis couldn't move, he saw Zayn walking and he knew how he was feeling. 

Louis heard the flush of the toilet, then the sound of the water running in the sink, it took him a while, then the door was opened. Louis looked at him, he looked exhausted, his eyes were watery, his face was pale, he was holding a wet towel and he was passing it on his face and neck. 

He avoided looking at Louis “ you are still here?”

Then he passed him moving to the kitchen, Louis followed him, Harry entered the kitchen avoided  
Zayn and Gigi, he opened his fridge, and put out a bottle of water. 

He knew he had to say something to all these eyes staring at him

“ I'm okay.”

Zayn just shook his head in disbelief, he tried to contain his anger  
“ what was he doing here? .”

Harry was drinking the water, Zayn “ Harry... what did you do? "

Harry acting so calm “ God.. nothing. it something I can take care of" 

Zayn tried not to scream “ you have his money, why?what did he give you?”

Harry getting angry “ what do you want? I told you I can fix this..”

Louis “ how?”

Harry looked at him, Louis was calm standing by the door  
“ you get fired" he added

Zayn and Gigi together “ what?!!”

Harry sighed and then gave them his back, he rested the bottle on the kitchen board

Zayn stood up “ what the hell Harry.?are you out of your mind? What happened to you... why are you doing this to your life?"

Harry didn't answer, he just looked at the ground  
Louis wad still watching Harry  
“ he attacked you...”

Harry took a deep breath and groaned “ oh God.."   
Then he looked at them “ get out..”

Louis yelled now “ no... no Harry we are not leaving you this way, Someone wants to kill you, your ca-" he stopped himself from saying the word cancer, he just said ". we just can't"

Zayn finally asked the question he was trying not to “ are you an addict now?”

Louis looked at Zayn shocked “ what?”

“ yeah... That man is a drug dealer."

Louis looked back at Harry, Louis “ are you fucking crazy."

Harry stopped them yelling and he regretted it  
“ why do you fucking care, both of you, we are not friends anymore, and I don't need your help, so would you please just mind your own fucking business and leave me the hell alone"

Then he fell into a coughing fit, coughing his lungs out and resting his hands on his knees to support himself from collapsing , but he couldn't stand anymore, Louis stepped couple steps towards him, ready for help anytime , But Gigi moved faster, she tapped on Harry’s back, Harry finally looked at them  
“ I want you out of my life, I'm already out of yours..”

Then he moved slowly outside the kitchen heading towards his bedroom. 

The three of them stayed at the kitchen , Zayn sat back on the kitchen table, while Louis stayed at his spot,  
Harry was right, one year ago, the expelled him out of their lives, he called them but they never answered, and every time he visited them they asked him to leave.   
So why he would accept them now, specially when he kept telling them he was okay. 

Gigi finally moved outside the kitchen “ I will check on him..” and she rubbed softly Louis' shoulder, she must saw all the pain in his eyes. 

Louis sat by Zayn and he took a deep breath  
“ he is right"

Zayn looked at him frowned, Louis “ we wanted him out of his life"

“ did you lost your mind too? He is spoiling his life...”

“ we don't know what was going on with him lately?”

“ what do you even mean?”

Louis sighed “ Zayn... I don't know what I mean.. I just ... he needs help right now, his health is all that matter to me now..”

Zayn looked at the table , he then squeezed his eyes with his fingers “ I'm scared.”

Louis didn't expect that at all  
Zayn “ it's back. the minute I saw his face I know it, he lost a lot of weight... he skipped his gym. people there told me he fainted for the last two times he went”

Louis just nodded, he couldn't form a word , Zayn “ I can treat him bad, I can fight with him all the time, but I know he is there doing okay. whenever I need him he will have me, but right now ..I don't-.”

Louis “ stop...stop.. he will be okay. alright?”

Zayn looked at him “ i'm sorry, I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to tell you this.”

Louis just nodded, he can't lose his faith now, it was still too early for any of this, they still didn't know if he was okay or not.

Gigi knocked the door and opened it

Harry lying on the bed on his stomach hugging a pillow “ who ever is there . get out"

Gigi entered and closed the door behind her “ it's Gigi.”

Harry giggled “ except for Gigi..”

She smiled and walked to his bed, and jumped to lie by him on the bed, her head looking at the ceiling 

“ what was that?”

He smiled “ I have no idea what was that.” then he flipped and was in his back now , his head touched her head, both were looking at the ceiling

“ Zayn thinks you are on drugs..”

He chuckled “ I wish.”

“ then what is it..”

He sighed “ don't worry.”

Gigi looked at him “ I can't... they are worried too.”

He sighed “ it wasn't suppose to happen... they shouldn’t know.”

Gigi was still looking at him “ but they did and they won't leave. you promised me Harry you will do some check ups.”

Harry nodded “ I did. But I never have the results.”

“ why?”

He just shrugged, she nodded and looked back at the ceiling, he was scared, even if he felt it was back, he couldn't admit it, he couldn't confirm he had it again. 

Gigi frowned and then she put her hand on Harry's forehead “ you are burning up.”

He took a deep breath “ and tired, and dizzy.. and just threw up and I want to do it again. you know what? ”

He sat on the bed and then left it moving to his closet , he put out some clean clothes   
Gigi “ what are you doing..”

“ I can't stay here.”

“ you can't leave. no one will let you. they won't let you."

He put out his t-shirt, “ i'm not waiting for their permission”

Gigi was staring at his body, at a specific place,  
“ what is that Harry?" 

Harry slowly looked at his side, and there was a huge bruise, he gasped , and touched it slowly “ it doesn't even hurt..”

Gigi stood up and moved towards him, but he rapidly wore his silky shirt , Gigi was still staring , he looked at her and he smiled shrugging, he then moved and grabbed a trouser and wore it. 

He then looked at Gigi she was still looking at his briuse, he buttoned his shirt saying. 

“ I will be okay... look at me.”

Gigi finally looked at him, he smiled “ I need your help.”

Gigi shook her head, he kissed her cheek “ I need you to convince them... I need to get out please.” 

“ you are not okay..”

He shook his head “ I'm not. and I need to get out to breathe and when I'm out, you will convince them to leave."

Gigi tried to smile and she held his hand “ okay. but promise you will be okay"

He nodded “ i'm not dying today..”

He then moved to finish his clothes

******  
Outside , Gigi moved to where the boys were sitting,   
Louis looked at her “ how is he?”

Gigi sighed “ he is okay... he is-"

Zayn was looking at something behind her  
“ where do you think you are going?”

Harry walked towards the door “ I am leaving. I have things to do you too have things to do.go to your works"

Louis followed so as the Zayn

Louis “ you are not leaving... Harry... you can't.”

Harry opened the door “ oh I can..”

Louis yelled “ stop doing this. don't be a coward.”

Harry looked at him “ you don’t know what you are talking about..”

Louis then begged “ Harry, please..”

Harry moved towards Louis “ you please, leave me alone and you will still be a good man, you are always a good man, but I don't need you.” then he looked at Zayn “ or you. I was doing okay and I still can.”

Zayn “ you are calling this okay..”

Harry still calm “ I am leaving and when I am back, no one will be here."

He then stormed outside the flat, but Louis did not let him, he followed him, and he grasped his hand violently, Harry pressed the elevator button. 

Louis “ what do you think you are doing?" 

Harry sighed “ God, why can't just go.”

Louis was looking at his best friend, at his husband “ how could you put yourself in all this mess?”

Harry looked at louis “ it's my mess you are not obligated to stuck with me any more.”

“ of course I am.”

The elevator door was opened “ I will sign the paper Lou, you will be free to go."

Louis left his arm, Harry was going to sign the paper, now, when he needed Louis  
Harry entered the elevator,  
“ please.... go home.”

Harry said before the elevator door closed. 

When Louis returned to Harry's home where Zayn and Gigi, but he heard Gigi talking to Zain 

“ he knows...”

“ did he tell you that?”

Gigi looked at Louis who was looking at them both “ two months ago. I met him and he wasn't feeling okay... he seized.”

Louis “ oh God..”

“ I know... I know but he promised me he will do some tests and check ups. but I don't know what happened.I left to Paris and I lost contact with him, I should have called but I know how you get angry when you know I contacted him..” she was looking at Zayn

Zayn sighed “ Gigi... you should have said anything .”

Gigi nodded “ I know.. but he promised.” she looked at them both “ he is an adult, he knows what he is doing"

They didn't talk after that, they just took their belongings and left .

*****  
Louis left Harry's flat, he wasn't upset, but there was something in his cheat he couldn't explain, he needed to be with Harry, he knew Harry, and he knew Harry wanted him, but there was nothing he could do about it, Harry knew he was sick, he knew he was having his cancer back, Harry must was scared and confused, and yet Louis couldn't do anything about it.

He tried again to call Ben for the fifth time that day, but Ben refused to answer, he then decided to spend the rest of the day at home, he wasn't in the mood for anything anyway. 

In the next morning, Louis woke up very early, took a long warm shower, then drank his tea, and then he went to his work. 

He was abstracted, barley concentrated , he called Zayn to see if he knew anything about Harry, but  
Zayn told him he knew nothing, and Harry didn't sleep at his place last night,

It was at the middle of the day when Louis's phone rang, he was still at his store, he didn't know the number ,

“ hello?”

“ Mr Tomlinson, this is Dr Liam Payne"

Louis felt butterflies in stomach “ well, hello doctor..”

“ do you happen to know where is your... Mr Tomlinson ?  
“ is there anything wrong?”

“ his results are ready, and I keep calling him, there is no answer.. and the number he gave me is out of service...so..”

“ yeah, he lost his phone..”

“ok I need to see him immediately”

“ is it bad?”

“ I will discuss that when I see you in two hours.either of you should show up..”

“ I will be there.thanks doctor.”

Louis headed directly to Harry's flat, but there was no one, then he called Niall, but Niall told him he knew nothing about Harry, he called Gigi , the answer was the same, so Louis had to go there alone, and he can't deny it, but that visit scared the hell out of him.  
*****

At the hospital, Louis was at an office, waiting for Dr. Liam Payne, 10 minuts later the door was opened and Liam entered apologizing

“ sorry for keeping you waiting but you know how it goes.”

Louis shook hands with him smiling “ no it's really okay..”

Liam sat on the desk in front of him “ I see no Harry."

Louis shook his head “ I couldn't find him but I will tell him whatever the news is..”

Liam nodded and then opened Harry's file  
“ i'm sorry to tell you..but it is a bad news.”

Louis sighed “ it's back.”

“ the scan shows something but after taking the biopsy. it turns out to be a benign tumour. “

Louis nodded “ is it a really bad thing?”

Liam looked sorry “ when we did the regular blood tests .we suspected something, it showed abnormal white blood cells count it's an indication of leukaemia..”

Louis couldn't form a word, Liam “ we need him for further tests, we need to take a bone marrow biopsy  
to identify the type and the stage he is in.”

Louis just nodded " oh God."

Liam looked really sorry “ for his brain tumour. we suggest a minor surgery to remove it before it press hard on brain and he will take some medications for the swollen. and for leukaemia I recommend Dr Sophie. she is a very professional and i'm sure she can help him..”

Louis again nodded, no words were said, he was in a complete shock, maybe it was better for Harry not to show up , Louis had to deliver the news, although Harry knew his cancer was back, but he had no idea what exactly it was. 

Louis could barley walked outside the hospital, his mind was racing, he needed to know what to do, he thought of calling Zayn but he knew he had to tell Harry first, and right now he didn’t know where the hell Harry was. 

He decided to go again to his place, even if he was not there he would wait for him, eventually Harry would come home, right.   
*****  
On his way to Harry, Louis was driving still shocked, his phone rang , it was Ben, Louis wasn't ready for this but he answered any way

“ hello Ben"

“ hi Louis”

“ where are you..”

“ home... what's wrong."

“ nothing. are you okay." 

“ i'm fine yes, would you come I have nothing to do.”

Louis sighed “ I am sorry i'm really busy right now.”

“ with Harry?”

“ Ben... er... I will call you later okay."

And he hung up before hearing Ben's answer, he was so nervous, and slowly he was absorbing this, Harry had a tumour in his brain, he needed another surgery, he had leukaemia, and he had no idea what were the arrangements he had to do, and most importantly he knew Harry was in a huge mess, and this all was just so much.

Louis knocked on Harry's door and no one was there, he just sat on the stairs and decided to wait for him, he didn't expect finding him anyway. 

he didn't pay attention to time, but it seemed forever when Harry finally showed up, he was staggering in the corridor, and when he noticed Louis, he smiled widely  
“ hi love.. you are home."

Louis stood up and walked towards him “ are you okay." 

Harry stuttered “ I am... great.. why are.. you .. outside"

He put his hands on his pocket and put out the car keys, and he tried to open the door, Louis couldn't believe that, he was drunk, so he took the key from his hand

“ not the right key Harry..”

Then he rested Harry on the next wall, and put his hand on Harry's pocket, Harry was looking at him smiling  
“ God.. I miss you.”

Louis heart skipped a beat, he found the keys, he opened the door, then helped Harry getting inside,  
Harry was stumbling, and Louis wanted really to get angry at him,

He put him on the bed, and Harry  
“ Lou.. I'm gonna be sick.”

Louis looked at him eyes wide, and he hastily looked around him, and in the right time he gave Harry the small basket, and Harry threw up violently, Louis tried to calm him down, but Harry was really drunk, and Louis was now really upset. 

Louis put the basket outside the room, and when he returned Harry was lying on his bed, Louis slowly took off his shoes

“ you are so drunk Harry. why? "

Harry was looking at the ceiling “ I like it this way." 

Louis looked at him “ what way? "

“ like feeling nothing. I miss you.”

Louis sighed “ you need to sleep.”

Harry looked at him “ sleep with me.”

Louis “ no. you sleep Harry, tomorrow we need to talk.  
.”

Harry begged “ sleep with me and then leave., please.”

Louis looked at him. He missed him too, but he couldn't , he couldn't trust himself with Harry right now,  
Harry was weak, and Louis wanted him badly

Louis finally jumped on the bed, Harry smiled “ that's my Lou.”

Louis lied on his back, and out of nowhere, Harry rested his head on his chest, Louis couldn’t t move, this was wrong, but Harry seemed like didn't know what he was doing, so he just let him. 

Harry then wrapped his hand around Louis and took a deep breath

“ God.. I love you Lou, finally home" and it took him two minutes and he was deep sleep.  
******  
Next morning, Louis didn't sleep for an hour last night, he left the bed really early , and decided to wait for Harry and prepare himself for the talk

He felt Harry moving out his room, Louis was in the kitchen, and for a second he felt nervous, he had  
to tell Harry now,

Ten minutes later, Harry entered the kitchen , he looked surprised to see Louis sitting there, but he controlled himself, and moved to make some tea  
“ why are you still here?”

Louis was looking at him “ where have you been?”

Harry sighed, but didn't answer, he gave Louis his back and poured the hot water in his cup

“ do you need anything?”

“ i'm okay..”

Harry looked back at him “ you need to stop showing up.. how did you even entered?”

Louis shook his head in disbelief “ you were plastered last night, you don't remember a shit.” Harry looked at him, and he tried to remember, he really did

“ you have to stop doing this to yourself.” Louis said  
Harry “ I have?”

“ drop it, will you please, we need to have a talk, like adults..”

Harry looked at Louis and he knew there was something coming up, he slowly walked and sat beside him

“ what is it?”

Louis was going to talk , but “ your nose?”

Harry frowned, then he put his hand on his nose, and he felt it, there was blood

“ oh not again..” then he stood up again and headed to the bathroom, followed by Louis, Harry washed his nose and his hands, it was bleeding severely, Louis took a tissue roller, and he helped Harry to sit on the tub edge

“ did you hit it or something?”

Harry taking the tissue and pressing his nose , he shook his head, Louis watching him “ did it happen before? "

But Harry didn’t answer this time, Louis sighed “ it did"

“ it will be over soon"

Louis and Harry waited for ten minutes, and eventually it stopped bleeding, they returned back to the kitchen, Harry sat and Louis made them two cups of tea , he was waiting for the kettle when he finally said

“ I was with Dr Payne.. your results."

Harry was looking at him, calm

Louis poured the tea, and gave him his cup , and then sat beside him

Harry was watching Louis, he still could read his husband, he saw all the nervousness he was in, Harry finally said

“ it's back"

Louis looked at him, he tried to control his tears, but he couldn't, Harry looked at him

“ hay .. stop it.. it's okay.”

“ I'm sorry..”

Harry nodded, Louis “ it's not . there is a tumour in your brain. but it's benign. you will have to do minor surgery."

Harry was listening , Louis “ but there is something... something else..”

Harry was looking at Louis, he pressed his mouth shut, and Harry couldn't know what possibly it could be 

“ your blood test... shows a.. abnormal white blood cells count.. it's-"

And Louis couldn't say it, he avoided looking at Harry, and he needed a minute right now to control himself, after all it was Harry, the love of his life Harry, but then he felt Harry's hand on his

“ I have leukaemia?”

Louis looked at him, “ I'm so sorry..”

Harry only nodded, and then he tapped on Louis's hand and left the kitchen, Louis couldn't leave his seat for the next five minutes, he gave Harry his space too, he must be shocked, and maybe crying, sure he needed a minute for himself. 

When Louis decided to check on Harry, he was in his room, and he was talking

“ yeah, yeah okay... and what happens after signing the papers?”

Louis entered the room really confused, and he prayed that what was in his mind wasn't happening,

Harry was in the middle of the room talking on the phone,

“ yes.. I will talk to him. no it's okay.. he is already with me..”

And Louis knew he was talking about him, when Harry noticed Louis, he looked at him still talking on the phone

“ alright.. thanks jeff" and then he hung up. 

Louis “ why did you call Jeff..” Jeff was their lawyer,

Harry looked at the papers in his hands, then he gave them to Louis, Louis looked at it “ what is this?”

“ it's your freedom..”

Louis confused and shocked “ why... why now?”

Harry didn't look at Louis, he almost whispered  
“ you .. you don't have to face this with me.”

“ Harry...”

Harry voice cracked “ you were not suppose to know, I'm so sorry...”

“ you don't have to do this alone..”

Harry wiped his tears “ oh yes I do... “.then he looked at Louis

“ you need to go back to your new life, get married and whatever, and just forget about me.”

Louis eyes full of tears “ stop..”

“ it's okay... this is not your fault and you will always be the love of my life.”

“ Harry..” but the door bell rang, Harry looked at Louis  
“ it's Ben...I called him. you should go with him.”

Louis couldn’t believe this, okay he knew Harry was shocked, but not like this, not to end everything this way and at this time,

Harry just moved outside the room saying 

“ I think you will need to get that.”

and he entered the bathroom closing the door behind him and Louis knew he wouldn't get out anytime soon.


	4. Chapter 4

For the next two weeks, no one could find Harry, he just vanished leaving no phone number, no word, just nothing , Louis and Zayn tried every possible way to find him, but with no avail, they called everyone, even Zayn called Gemma, Louis couldn't call her because she was still angry at him for asking for the divorce. 

Louis told Zayn about the divorce paper Harry signed, and that only made the situation worse, Harry was running away, Harry gave up, and right now Harry can't give up.

Since the day Harry called Ben for Louis. Ben didn't leave Louis's side, although that what they wanted for the last year, but Louis could use some space now, his mind was killing him, and he had to exert extra effort to hide his worries, to hide Harry that was written on his eyes, and with Ben living with him. It was just exhausting,

This morning, when he woke up he felt something in the kitchen, heard some noises, it must be Zayn finally home, Zayn didn't really like Ben, so when Ben decided not to leave Louis's side, and Louis really appreciated it, Zayn had to stay with Gigi and leave the flat for them both,

When Louis entered the kitchen Zayn was there drinking his tea

“ you finally home..”

Zayn smiled “Gigi is in Spain..”

Louis sat by him “ I love her work. I want to be a model like her.”

“ yeah you wish. where is Ben?”

“ work...”

“ so it just us?”

Louis frowned “ why?”

Zayn took a deep breath “ he is back.  
”

“ Harry? How did you know that?”

“ Bella saw him near his flat .he even talked to her like nothing was wrong."

“ did he said where he was?”

Zayn shook his head “ no and she didn't ask anyway.. you know how Bella is, she asked him for a drink and he accepted, they spent two hours talking about anything but where he was.”

“ so he is okay"

Zayn looked at him “ he was suppose to have his surgery... obviously he didn't do anything.”

Louis sighed “ we can't force him.”

Zayn angry “ we can't leave him."

“ okay we won’t..”

“ really...” then he closed his mouth

Louis felt there were unspoken words “ what do you mean?”

Zayn left his seat “ nothing Lou..”

Louis shook his head “ no, don't you dare say I don't care.”

Zayn looked at him and then shrugged, Louis shocked “ really?”

“ okay. how? the minute he signed the paper you invited Ben to live with you. okay we know you are engaged but this is Harry whose life is at stake.”

Louis getting angry now “ what do you want me to do.. I tried you know I tried. and don't blame me here for his reckless behaviours, he put himself in this mess, and now he is putting his life in danger" Zayn finally yelled “ he has nothing to lose..”

“ what do you mean?”

“ don't you understand what he is doing? he let you go, the most important thing in his life he just let you go, it's very obvious Louis , this time he gave up.”

“ no..”

“ yes... how could you miss this? How could you not notice how defeated he was, how broken, and it's not the cancer.. he needs you."

“ he pushed me away..”

“ he needs to feel that you still care, he wants you to care, but not because he is sick, not because his cancer is back... he tried for the last year he did, all his best to have you back again.”

“ he cheated Zayn..”

“ it was a mistake.people forgive each other. this is life..”

“ he still cheated... and he hurt me"

”  
“ he tried to make it up for you..”

Louis yelled “ what are you trying to say.  
”  
Zayn sighed “ it's our fault.. if he died .. if he refused the treatment then it’s our fault. and if you can't see this, then there is something wrong.”

Then they heard the flat door was opened , Louis looked at Zayn “ it's Ben..”

Zayn stopped talking and he nodded “ exactly... Ben.”

Then he was leaving the kitchen , but Louis said “ it's my choice Zayn"

But Zayn left the room without any further talking.  
Zayn moved and entered his room, he was upset not from Louis, but he was angry at the whole situation, Louis couldn't blame Zayn, he also felt he had a hand in Harry's mess, he was worried too, and his mind was killing him

“ what's his wrong?” Ben asked entering the kitchen, Louis looked at him “ he is okay..”

Ben sat by Louis, he then looked at him “ baby... are you okay?”

Louis looked at him and tried to smile “ everything is okay ... you are home early..”

Ben smiled “ actually I have a surprise for you today.”

Louis looked frowning “ really?”

“ today is our anniversary..”

Louis tried to smile “ oh really... that's right baby.”

BEN seemed excited “ can you believed it has been a year..”

Louis nodded “ yeah it's ... it was such an amazing year..” he was nervous

“ tonight.. I'm taking you and we are having a lovely evening..”

Louis smiling “ I can't wait.”

Ben stood up “ okay.. be ready at 7 .we will have an amazing time.”

He kissed Louis and left the kitchen, leaving Louis alone to his mind. 

Was this really happening, will Harry refuse the treatment, dud he want to die, no Harry was not a quitter, he was better than that, he knew him since they were kids and no Harry loveed life, Harry must live.   
**** * 

At the evening it was a complete different story, in fact what happened Louis still didn't get it, how could he say yes, he said yes and all his mind was with Harry,  
Ben proposed, yeah he did, and Louis was speechless, he knew this was coming, but not that soon, when Ben asked him, he found himself accepting, and the next minute the ring was in his hand and everyone at the restaurant was clapping, then Ben kissed him, and this was real, they were officially engaged now, and his mind was racing, it happened so fast that Louis couldn't absorb it. 

after the proposal Ben took Louis to celebrate at their best night club , the club they always spend time in , and inside there was another surprise, all the people they cared about was there waiting for the new couple, even Zayn was there, Louis was trying to act happy, but something felt wrong in his heart, he loved Ben, truly loved him, Ben was a good man in deep love with Louis, and they waited for a whole year so they could be finally together, but something felt wrong.

At the middle of the celebration, Louis needed another drink, so he moved to the bar, and Zayn was there, when he saw him, Zayn got closer smiling to him  
“ congrats Lou...”

Louis smiled back, Zayn “ you deserve the best man, I am really happy for you.”  
Louis just nodded, that was a different Zayn from morning,

“ listen, I'm sorry about earlier. I was just... angry... but I'm really happy for you.”

“ I know Zayn, I'm not mad at you.“

Zayn nodded “ it's Harry.. you know .. so I was angry at him..”  
“ I know... I know how you feel, but Zayn he still matters, I will do my best to help him.”

Zayn just chuckled then he shook his head “ no .. you don't have too.  
”  
“ Zayn.”

“ no I mean it.. I mean you are engaged now, you should know your boundaries. Ben is a good man, don't lose him.”

Zayn looked at something behind Louis , and then something wrapped Louis from behind and kissed his neck, Ben

Zayn took his glasses and left

Ben “ so.. let's dance.”

Louis “ I just asked for a drink... go I will follow.”

Ben nodded “ drink fast..” then he left him. 

While louis was drinking he saw him, Harry was sitting at some corner, with the man who attacked him. And that drove Louis crazy, he searched for Zayn by his eyes but he didn't see him, when he looked back at where was Harry, he vanished, Louis looked nervously around, and then he found him entering the bathroom, so Louis stormed towards it. 

When he entered, Harry was washing his face, he didn't notice Louis behind him, he looked awful actually, and that tensed Louis even more

“ where the hell were you? ”

Harry startled, he looked through the mirror and saw Louis standing furiously ,he turned to him and then he moved to take some tissues to wipe his face,  
Louis yelled “ answer me"

Harry throwing the tissue in the basket “ are you following me?”

Louis frowned still furious “ what?. No.. I am here with friends.”

Harry leaned on the sink edge, crossing his arms on his chest “ what do you want?”

“ where were you? we looked everywhere.”

Harry dryly “ why?”

Louis was irritated now “ God.. “ but Harry was still looking at him

“ what are you even doing here with that man, isn't he the one who attacked you..”

Harry looked at him for a moment then said “ he is a friend..”

“ a friend... wow... is this your new lifestyle now. your doctor keeps calling me Harry asking for you, they need you for more tests and you are hanging out with some drug dealer. what with your head? is your cancer making you crazy? .”

Harry stood upright, he was leaving, but Louis grabbed his hand “ talk to me..”

Harry stopped moving “ what do you want.. I told you I can take care of myself, I took you off my medical forms, I don't know why he keeps calling you. it's my bloody cancer.. my bloody problem, so will you please just leave me alone"

Louis was so angry, he left Harry's hand and then he passed his hand on his face trying to contain his anger , he wanted to make sure Harry was okay, not to upset him. 

When he looked again at Harry, Harry was staring pale at Louis's hand, he saw the ring

Louis tried to pretend that it was okay “ Harry I need to know you are okay”

But Harry was still looking at his hand, Louis tried again “ Harry.. you should start your treatment.”

But Harry finally looked at Louis, he was shocked  
“ he proposed ?”

Louis didn't want to answer that but “ yes.”

Harry then looked blank at him, “ congratulations.”

And then he left the bathroom, and Louis couldn’t stop him. 

A minute later Ben entered the bathroom, Louis was washing his face , Ben looked furious at him “ that twat..”

Then he stormed outside, Louis didn't understand what just happened, but he followed Ben, at the start he couldn't see him, then he heard noises, glasses shattered, yelling and shouting at the corner of the club, Louis walked towards it, people were gathering , and when he had a good look, he saw  
Ben staring furiously and two of their friends were stopping him from his shoulders, and then he saw Harry trying to stand , he was on the ground, then he saw his hand was on his lips and there was blood

Ben yelling at him “ I swear to God Styles. it's enough. do you hear me.”

Harry was looking at him “ you are an idiot Ben. that's what you are.” then he wiped the blood by his palm  
Ben still yelling trying to free himself “ don't you ever .ever get any closer..”

Harry shrugged “ do you speak for him now?”

Ben was going to attack again, but Zayn showed in between yelling “ stop it Ben.”

Then Louis stepped inside the ring that formed around the fighting men, he looked at Ben “ what was that.”

“ I know what he is doing Lou.. I know him..”

Harry behind Louis “ you know shit Ben.”

Zayn yelled to Harry “ stop it..”

Louis ignored still looking at Ben “ let's go..”

Ben finally freed himself, his friends left him when they know Louis was there, Ben clapped “ bravo Harry.. again you are spoiling our day..”

Harry yelled “ you are the one who attacked me. “

Zayn then moved and pushed Harry away, taking him with him, but Harry said while passing Louis “ excellent choice Lou.. really"

But Zayn pushed him away and they were out of the scene.

It turns out that Ben saw Harry storimg out of the bathroom that he saw Louis entering it a few minuts ago, and he figured that Harry was upseting Louis as usual, and when he entered seeing  
Louis looking upset in the bathroom he lost his mind.

The rest of the night was not perfect, Louis knew Ben was angry and maybe disappointed, he tried to tell him that he was at the bathroom when Harry was in, and nothing happened, but Ben was already upset, Louis didn't know what to do, he was angry that Ben hit Harry, and that wasn't okay, But he just stayed with Ben until he calmed down, and then together, they left the club.

it was already late, and they headed towards Ben's flat, Louis asked for it actually, he wasn't ready for Zayn so he just will sleep the night with Ben and next morning he will deal with Zayn.

Louis tried to enjoy the rest of the day, but his mind was blocked, Ben tried to seduce him for making love, and Louis didn't want to spoil the whole evening, Ben proposed, and what happened at the club wasn't a part of the plan, he was jealous and Louis understands that,   
They made love but in Louis's mind, it was the worst time ever.  
*******

Next morning when Louis entered his flat, first thing he saw was Zayn sleeping on the couch, the  
TV was on, he was still dressed, and there was blood on his shirt, Louis frantically woke Zayn up, Zayn opened his eyes and when he saw Louis standing in front he hastily sat on the couch, then he closed his eyes calming himslef.

Louis “ what happened?” he was worried

Zayn didn't speak, Louis “ there is blood on your clothes..”

Zayn slowly looked at his shirt and he cursed “ oh shit.”

Then he stood up moving towards the kitchen, Louis yelled following “ Zayn..”

Zayn stopped “ it's not mine.”

He then entered the kitchen and pressed the kettle  
Louis was still staring “ say something..”

Zayn slowly sat on the table.” It’s Harry's"

Louis almost yelled “ what?”

Zayn just nodded “ he is sleeping in my room.”

Louis still didn't get it “ Harry is here?”

Zayn nodded, Louis “ and this is his blood..”

Zayn again nodded, Louis “ what the fuck..”


	5. Chapter 5

“ after his fight with Ben... we went outside and we had an argue.”  
Zayn started

“ you fought..” Louis said

“ we did.” then Zayn sighed “ then Rodger came outside.. and they started to talk.”

Louis confused “ who is Rodger?”

“ the man that showed up in his place.”

“ the drug dealer... how do you even know him?”

But Zayn ignored “ they talked... and then they both rode their cars.. and I followed.”

Louis will let him finish but he will know who was Rodger and how did they met

“ at some point they separated... I followed Harry and I don't know but I found my self at the other part of the country... he stopped at some place and a kid joined him."

Louis confused “ what kid?" 

“ I have no idea... they both headed towards some night club, got inside and about 30 minutes later, Harry was out... beaten up.”

Louis shocked “ what.! "

“ blood everywhere.. barely walking and I know he would collapse any minutes... so...I got off my car and I took him. he didn't recognize me Louis.” He stopped talking and Louis stopped thinking, then  
“ I didn't know what to do .. so I took him home.”

“ we should take him to hospital..”

Zayn shook his head “ when he... collapsed . he said one thing.. no hospitals.. I didn’t know what to do Louis I was scared... don’t know what he got himself into.. I mean this couldn’t be good" 

“ we still should take him to hospital..” , he stood up

“ where are you going?”

“ I need to see him.”

Then he moved towards the room, when he opened the door, the room was dark, Harry always loved to sleep in the dark, Louis stepped inside cautiously hearing the sound of Harry's breaths, he opened the light on the nightstand, Harry was sleeping on his side , a bruise at his right side of his face, even he was sleeping, he was frowning, and Louis knew he was in pain. 

“ Harry..” Louis said softly but Harry didn't move, he tried again patting on his shoulder, but Harry didn't move. 

The door bell rang, Louis ignored he tried again but Harry only whimpered, then Louis heard Zayn shouting outside and then a thud

Louis immediately stormed outside, and there was Zayn holding someone from his collar trapping him in the wall

“ who are you..” Zayn very furious asking

The man or the kid Zayn was attacking was so scared , Zayn yelled hitting the boy into the wall again “ who the hell are you..”

“ Zayn what are you doing..”

Zayn still holding the boy “ this is the one I told you about... I'm sure he knows something... answer me kid or I swear to God I will.”

“leave him alone..”

Harry said, the three men looked at him, he was barely standing, all his weight was leaning on the wall, and he was about to collapse anytime now, Louis rushed to help him, but Harry raised his hand to stop him,  
“ Let him go Zayn..”

Zayn yelled “ not before I understand.”

Harry tried to yell “ let him go.”

The kid then said “ I'm so sorry Mr Styles.. but I was worried about you..”

Harry nodded still frowning “ Zayn let him Go” finally Zayn set the boy free, Harry looked at him  
“ have you seen Rodger?”

The kid nodded “ I did.. I can't thank you enough Mr Styles.. you saved my life.”

“ go home... and stop working.”

The kid shocked “ what about you.”

“ I will take care of my self... now go home... I don't wanna see your face again"

he said the last words smiling, so did the kid, but the kid only nodded and looked at Zayn again, then he stormed outside.

Harry sighed and looked at Zayn “ I will explain..” he ignored Louis

Zayn nodded, Harry “ but I need to eat anything.”

Harry moved towards the kitchen followed by his friends

Zayn made them some scrambled eggs, and Harry sat there without talking, without even looking at Louis,  
Zayn put the egg in front of him, and then put some tea, to the three of them,

Harry took the fork and start eating, he took only two forks and then he rested his back, Zayn and  
Louis were watching him

“ if I tell you, will you leave me alone..” Louis was watching him, but Harry still refused to share any look, like he was not existing. 

“ no.. but you still telling us anyway.”

Harry smiled “ okay what do you need to know.”

“ everything..”

Harry nodded “ I'm not addict...”

Zayn nodded, Harry “ this kid... is one of Rodger's men.. or was I hope"

Harry then sighed “I met him last year... he was. .. okay he was getting me heroin"

Zayn was stunned, while Louis looked at him eyes wide opened 

“ you know since last year..” Louis whispered

And Harry finally looked at him, Louis was so shocked “ don't you dare ... oh God you knew?”

“ almost year and a half... I was at Paris, work trip, I wasn’t feeling okay... and I guess I collapsed or something because all i remember was me lying at a hospital bed, I’m not that perfect at  
French.. but when you hear cancer... you know it's cancer."

Louis closed his eyes in disbelief, he remembered those days very well, it was the start of the end,  
Harry wasn't himself and louis started to have his doubts. 

Harry continued “ I freaked out and I left the whole hospital. I didn't want to believe it, and I didn't came home with the rest. I couldn't face anyone... I couldn't face you"

He tried to look at Louis, but then

“ when I came back... I decided to do some tests but I was so scared and things wasn't good between me and Louis..”

Louis whispered extremely shocked “ please... don't.”

“ we had an argue one night and I was so tired. I left him and went for a drink... and that was the first time I ..cheated..”

He avoided looking at Louis he was so ashamed, he won't hide it

“ I wake up at a hotel room... and” he sighed “ Ben saw me leaving.. anyway.. this guy I slept with obviously saw how tired I was so he offered me some heroin.. and it felt good. it numbed the pain... and I felt peace and I loved it... no pain.. no cancer.”

He cracked uttering the last words, then he sniffed and gathered his power again “ I contacted the man again and he told me about Rodger... and that kid was my delivery man..”

Zayn finally said “ how do you use it.”

Harry looked at him “ I knew what I was doing Zayn... I used it medically I was scared that anyone might know about my cancer I was weak ..I used but not for long... I was afraid that Louis might find anything. and you almost did ..” he looked at Louis for a second then again looked away

“ anyway... things were getting worse with me and Lou. Ben told him the he asked for a divorce. I stopped heroin and one day the kid showed at my house beaten up... asking me to have some and I found that Rodger was hitting him if he couldn't sell his share. he is just a kid I mean he is barely seventeen, I was helping him.. buying his stuff and get rid of it. a month ago he was delivering some thing to Rodger, but he was attacked and stolen. it turns out it was money... a large amount of money.. Rodger knew and he was going to kill the boy.. so I interfered and that was stupid.”

Zayn “ just stupid? Look at yourself..”

“ it's not bad as it looks... my cancer makes me bruise easily.”

Zayn kept silent , Harry “ I helped the boy... we found out who stole him we made a deal.”

Zayn snapped his head “ a deal..”

Harry “ yes.. and everything is over. I’m not saying anything else..”

Zayn cursed “ Harry you twat..”

Harry stood up, Zayn “ where are you going..”

Harry sighed “ I want to sleep Zayn. and you need to go to your work.. so..” then he stopped talking thinking of something “ shit.. where is my car?”

Zayn was still shocked “ what do you think you are doing... Louis say something..”

But Louis was in a far place, he lost focus once Harry mentioned the cheating, Harry did slept with someone , but did he do it more than once, why he didn't say anything before. 

Louis looked at Zayn but he didn't talk he was still lost in his mind  
Zayn sighed when he knew he won't get anything out from Louis l“ we left your car there.. Harry” Harry frowned “ oh no..”

“ sleep here... I will bring it to you. I will take Louis with me.”

But again Louis didn't answer, Harry couldn't discuss Zayn, he just headed towards the room, he lied on the bed, completely tired and exhausted, he was in pain physically and mentally, he didn't want to discuss that in front of Louis, Louis wouldn't forgive him for hiding his sickness, and maybe he wouldn't forgive himself for leaving Harry, the door was opened again, Louis entered. 

Harry was lying on his back, he looked at Louis, and he knew why he was here

“ how could you..” Louis started leaning on the door

“ I wanted to tell you..”

“ when?”

Harry sighed “ multiple times... I tried to tell you but I just... then I cheated..”

Louis getting closer “ Harry stop... just stop... I don't care about cheating but why.. why did you do this. why did you hide it” he stopped in front of him  
Harry smiled “ does it matter Lou.. it's over...you are engaged now.”

Louis almost yelled “ why... how could you.”

Harry sat upright, his leg touched the floor, he took a moment to answer this , then

“ because I love you... I hate to make you live that. I still remember the pain in your eyes Lou..”

Louis almost cried covering his eyes with his palm  
“ I should have known... you were acting weird and all what in my mind was cheating ... why Harry..”

Harry now tried to prevent the fallen tears “ you don't have to live it again..”

“ oh God...”

Harry cried “ Don' t do that..”

Louis almost yelled trying to overcome his pain “ I was your husband Harry.. I should have known that..”

Harry cried now “ I cheated Louis..”

“ I would understand.. you did it one time. why did you let me believe it was more than one time..”

“ you never listened.”

“ you never tried..”

“ I did tried.. but you was angry at me all the time.”

“ I was hurt"

“ I know...”

“ you should tell me about your cancer Harry that would change everything"

“ no... I will never use this against you..”

“ I am your husband ... you should have told me I could have helped .”

“ I don't deserve you I cheated on you..” Harry yelled  
Louis stopped talking ,he looked at Harry  
“ I am your husband Harry. I was hurt.. I was angry at you but you never let me understand.. I would ... I would understand.. it would make a difference “

Harry shook his head “ you will stay only because I am sick.. and I can't do this..”

“ no"

“yes... the minute you know I cheated... you left the place. I gave you your space I know you were mad... and I deserved this. next thing you asked for a divorce . then you wanted to sell the house...  
you want nothing to connect us together..”

“ I was mad... how could you cheat on me Harry you let me believe it for three month... you never explained. “

Harry sighed “ believe me I tried... you never wanted to speak to me Lou.. you hate me.”

“ never.. I never hate you.”

Harry cried again “ you are engaged Louis.. you starting a new life with someone else... I can't live this way..”

For a minute Louis forgot he was engaged, he forgot Ben, forgot his new relation, all it mattered was Harry 

He sighed “ you led us to this Harry..”

Harry nodded “ I know.. I know.. I don’t deserve you... I don't deserve life.”

“ what are you talking about... you need to drop this.. you need to start your treatment as soon as you can. you should have started it a year ago.”

But Harry looked at his lap and didn't talk, Louis was shocked

“ no, no.. you won't do this.”

Harry didn't talk , Louis “ do you hear me..”

Harry shrugged “ I don't need this.”

“ what are you talking about.. it s your life..”

Harry cried“ I can't do this again.”

“ Harry... I don't believe you right now. you need your treatment..” he slowly sat by him

Harry looked at him, their eyes met , he stared at Louis's eyes “ why?” all he needed to hear was three words, three words and everything will be okay, he will be okay,

Louis wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to never let go, because I love you and I can't live without you he should have said, but instead 

“ to get better..”

Harry bit his lower lip, and his eyes filled with tears, he only nodded, then he looked at his lap again letting his tears fall

The door bell rang again, and a minute later they heard Ben's voice, Louis sighed  
“ oh God..”

“ you have to go...”

The door was suddenly opened, and Ben appeared looking at both of them

“ what are you doing here?” he asked Louis

Louis stood up, for a minute he didn't know what to say, Ben then looked at Harry

“ I see someone gave you what you deserved..”

Harry only chuckled without looking at Ben “ oh God..”

Ben was getting angry “ can't you see Harry. you lost him forever no matter how hard you try .. you won't get him back.”

Harry looked at Ben , Louis was trying to leave  
“ come on Ben..”

“ no.. he has to know the truth...he has to know how you feel towards him.”

“ Ben stop..”

Harry was looking at Ben smiling, he knows how to upset the man, and he know Ben was trying to hurt him now

Ben was really angry “ no.. he has to know what you think of him. I tried to keep my mouth shut but.” then he looked at Harry  
“ he never loved you Harry, he always knew that you will cheat on him one day, he knew that you won't be any different, it's in the family... your father was a twat... and you are the same version no difference really a complete cheating whore.”

Louis yelled “ stop..”

Ben yelled " that was your exact words .. he needs to know"

No words can explain how Harry felt, hurt, shocked, disappointed, he was nothing like his father, and what hurt the most was Louis telling Ben about his father  
LOUIS " don't you... stop"

Ben yelled “ no I won't. I'm not weak... I don't care if I hurt him or not. he needs to know... it's in your blood Harry, you would cheat on him sooner or later, and he knew that, he never trusted you Harry.. he never did.”

Zayn entered the room holding his phone in his hand , he was on the phone that's how Ben was in Harry's room

“ what the hell is going on..”

Ben looked back at Zayn , then at Harry  
“ even Zayn doesn’t trust you.. why do you think he chose Louis..”

Zayn surprised “ what are you talking about..”

Louis yelled “ I said enough..”

“ you are a burden.. you always was.even when you were a sick kid. they stuck with you because they felt pity..but no one wants you.. not even your own family... you are always making mess Harry... you always bring troubles... “

Louis pushed Ben outside, Ben was still yelling  
“ they always fix your mistakes... they always-”

But he was outside, and the door was closed leaving only Harry and Zayn in a room, Harry was still on the bed, staring at the ground, tears filled his eyes, and no need to tell he was hurt

Zayn started “ no words he said mean anything..”

But Harry was still the same, Zayn “ you know how jealous he could be..”

“ Harry... stop thinking this way. He is just childish really.”

And then suddenly Harry rushed outside the room, and entered the bathroom closing the door behind him, and again Harry threw up.

Ben and Louis were in kitchen but they heard doors opened and closed, then Zayn showed  
Louis looked at the bathroom door and he knew Harry was inside, Ben looked at them both “ I'm sorry..”

Zayn only looked at him, then shook his head and sat on the table, Louis was angry but he didn't say a word  
Ben “ that was dumb.. I was dumb... i'm sorry Louis..”

Louis sighed “ I can't believe you right now Ben.”

Ben nodded “ I'm sorry. .. I ..I wasn't thinking.. I was angry..”

Louis spat “ why..”

“ I got jealous okay...”

Louis shook his head in disbelief “ we talked about this Ben"

“ I know.. but still.”

“ you can't keep doing this..”

“ as long as he is around.. I can't promise..”

Lois “ well this needs to change... I won't let you do this .you need to stop this..”

“ I know you still love him..”

Louis yelled now “ oh God... how many times do I need to tell you that I don't fucking love Harry styles...” he didn’t mean any words, no one would believe him, he didn’t believe himself,  
Ben “ you just saying it..”

Louis yelled again furiously “ stop Ben... just please.”

Then they heard the sound of the door shut, and they all froze, then Zayn stood hastily “ shit..” and he left the kitchen running.

Then he left the kitchen, and God please no, Louis prayed that Harry didn’t hear his last words, that  
Harry didn't leave,

“ he left...”

it was Zayn, and then he headed towards his room shutting the door behind him , and he knows Zayn had enough and Zayn was going to do something.


	6. Chapter 6

No one knew where Harry was for the next month, again Harry disappeared, again Zayn and Louis looked for him, all by his own, Zayn refused to talk to Louis after that fight, he said everything was okay but Louis knew Zayn was angry at him because of Ben.

Except for Harry's disappearance , everything backed to normal, Ben apologized so many times to  
Louis, he even searched for Harry with him sometimes, he apologized to Zayn who left to live with Gigi for now, Louis tried to prevent him, but Zayn said he was anxious, and Gigi was the only one who can help him with his anxiety, it was true though, only Gigi and sometimes it was Harry who could help him. 

Louis finally returned to his store regularly, he even spent most of his time there, maybe avoiding Ben, maybe rearranging his mind, things he knew about Harry recently confused him, it all made sense , he knew why Harry cheated, why Harry was behaving that way, why he was avoiding him, why he was trying so hard to stop the divorce but yet drifting away, he now know why Harry looked hurt when he saw Louis's ring, why he maybe will never start his treatment and the idea alone panicked Louis, Harry said he loved him he still was in love with him, Louis already knew that, no matter how Harry tried to push him away, he saw how Harry relaxed when he was around, and now just right now... he understood. 

Louis was in his store trying to occupy his mind with some book, Louis loved reading, it was his heaven when everything crashes around him, his anchor when everything hurts, his escape when he feels confused, when he feels lost

“ good morning ..”

Said a man holding two books in front of Louis who was sitting in the counter.

Louis recognized the man already

“ Dr Liam... good morning..” he sounds surprised so as Liam.

Liam looked at him smiling but confused “ do you work here?”

Louis smiling “ kinda.. i'm actylually the owner. “

Liam surprised “ wow... I come here a lot. sorry but never noticed you. “

“ yeah.. I'm always hiding in some place sinking in some book. never was on the counter. “

Liam gave him the books “ it' a lovely place really..”

Louis took the books and smiled again, it was colouring books, Liam explained

“ for my son... he never gets enough..”

Louis smiled widely “ how old is he.”

“ almost four..”

Louis put the books and put them in a plastic bag he then gave it to Liam saying “ it's on the house  
“  
“ no..”

Louis smiled “ I insist. Dr.”

Liam took the bag smiling “ so did your husband change his mind again or what.”

Louis looked confused at the start then “ Harry?”

Liam nodded “ yeah.. Harry.. last time we almost removed his tumour but he again disappeared”

“ when was that..”

Liam also said confused “ maybe ten days ago. I can tell you have no idea.”

Louis shook his head “ we are officially divorced.. so..”

Lima said sincerely “ I'm really so sorry for this. but .. I don't know how to say this... he really needs help.. although the tumour is benign itis not in a good place.. it affects his speech.. his memory. I can see he was confused but I am not sure for how long he will still be him"

Louis nodded shockingly, Liam “ he has to do the surgery as soon as possible... so we can treat his leukaemia.. now it's the right time.. his numbers are still in the safe range.. if it gets any worse we might not be able to operate him..”

Louis just nodded, he really had nothing to say, Liam noticed how shocked he was

“ listen.. I know you are not okay but do you know any one who can help. you have to convince him his body will eventually collapse and we might then have nothing in our hands to do..”

“ yeah.. yeah.. I will do something. thanks really"

Liam smiled softly “ I wish I can help more.”

Louis shook his head “ no, we will see you as soon as we can.”

Liam nodded and then left, leaving Louis again to his mind, he had to do something, he had to save Harry by anyway, he would never let him just die alone. 

Next thing Louis did was heading towards Zayn, Zayn must knew something, Zayn might know what to do, he always know right??

He had to wait for him on the stairs in front of Gigi's flat, no one was there and Louis had to see Zayn , a phone call wouldn't fix anything,

He didn’t t wait for long, Zayn showed up climbing the stairs, his face turned pale when he saw

Louis sitting there, he stopped moving at the middle of the stairs

“ what happened?”

Louis shook his head “ calm down... nothing.." he felt Zayn anxiety, he then stood up, And Zayn climbed the rest and then headed towards the flat

“ then why are you here..” he said not so dryly , but he seemed annoyed.

Louis just sighed an followed him “ we need to talk..”

Zayn entered the flat and Louis followed him, and closed the door behind him, Zayn took off his jacket, it was December and the weather was cold

“ I think we talked enough..”

Louis was looking at him “ I am not apologizing... it's about Harry..”

Zayn looked at him hastily “ you found him?”

Louis hated to disappoint him, but he shook his head  
“ no.. but his doctor showed up at my store. he was going to do the surgery.. then he vanished again"

Zayn sighed “ okay...”

“ his condition Is getting worse... his Dr says his tumour may affect his speech , his memory... and they had to do something now since his leukaemia is still controlled"

Zayn shook his head “ I looked everywhere, I even went to his mom... no one knows anything I keep telling myself he is an adult.. and he knows what he is doing..”

Louis sighed , he was trying too by his own way, he was worried sick “ I feel it's all my fault..”

Zayn looked at his surprised “ what?”

“ it's all my fault Zayn. I could forgive him. I could stay with him but I just..I was so selfish..”

Zayn shook his head “ you didn't know. you were mad... I mean he cheated.”

“ he was confused..”

Zayn insisted “ not your fault..”

Louis gave Zayn his back, he needed to control himself, but the ache in his chest was growing everyday, and he was restricted 

“ he will show up.. you know how he is..”

Louis shook his head “ you don’t understand" he almost whispered

Zayn walked to see his face “ what do you mean?”

Louis dried his tears “ he knows since last year Zayn. he doesn't want any treatment..”

Zayn shook his head, then “ no... I am not leaving him to die. I have to anything but I ...”

Louis again “ it's my fault.”

Zayn looked at him again “ stop it. he is still here. he is still alive we will find him.. okay..”

Louis cried , he believed it was his fault, Harry refused to be healed because he lost Louis, he was thinking he didn't deserve to live because he cheated and Louis couldn't forgive him, he was punishing himself, and Louis didn't make it any easier, Louis knew exactly that what was in Harry's mind, cause no one knew Harry like Louis always did. 

When Louis returned home, Ben was there, waiting for him, he was watching TV, snd Louis noticed he looked upset,

Louis sat on the couch by him, he took off his shoes, but Ben didn't turn to face him, Louis wasn't in the mood for any of this, Ben was upset and Louis didn't know why,

“ you are home early..” Louis finally asked

Ben didn't look “ didn't feel well..”

Louis felt worried sincerely “ what's wrong?” he looked at Ben, but he seemed really okay

Ben sighed “ not a big deal.. just headache..”

Louis felt the hardness in Ben's answer, but he decided to ignore “ do you need some Advil?”

Ben finally looked at him said firmly “ where were you?”

Louis sighed “ with Zayn.. what's the wrong..”

Ben shrugged “ you tell me..”

“ Ben... not tonight, please..”

Ben played innocent “ what?”

Louis standing up “ stop... can we please have one night without fighting..”

Ben looked back at the TV “ here we go.”

" you know what.. I will leave you to be yourself again and then we talk.”

Louis left to his room agitated, Ben was always angry, always upset and Louis had enough from trying to make him comfort,

The minute Louis entered the room he felt Ben following him and he knew Ben was about to fight with him,

Louis ignored and headed towards his closet to bring some clean clothes, Ben didn't say anything just leaned on the wall and was watching Louis

Then “ we need to talk..”

Louis sighed “ Ben... not tonight.”

Ben sternly “ tonight..”

Louis finally looked at him putting his clean clothes on the bed and sitting beside them,

Then he looked at Ben waiting, Ben still looking upset “ what's wrong with you..”

Louis tried to sound calm “ what do you mean..”

“ you know what I mean.. I can barely see you, and when you are around you don't talk. we stopped doing anything together ever since that fight..”

Louis sighed passing his hands over his face “ not again..”

“ no.. you won't run away. you are different you know you are..”

Louis didn't answer, Ben was completely right  
“ you are still looking for him, you are still thinking of him but guess what he doesn't want to be found. he chose that he wants to be left alone... he wants to fucking die alone..” Louis looked at him surprised “ why?..."

“ what?”

“ you hate him... I mean I get why he hates you. you ratted on him, you fell in love with his husband but you..”

Ben was looking furiously to him “ now he is a good man? because he has a bloody cancer..”

Louis stood up hastily warning Ben“ don't do that..”

Ben yelled “ do what? you crave him now because he is dying.. but there is nothing else the minute he dies you-”

“ stop... stop... what the fuck is wrong with you.”

Ben still yelling “ what is wrong with you? you want him back now... we are engaged! ”

Louis yelled back “ I know that. but he needs help..”

“ why it has to be you..”

“ who else..”

“anyone else... Zayn? ”

“ I’m his husband..”

“no you are not .. YOU ARE NOT"

Louis stopped talking, he could not answer that, Ben suddenly calmed down

“ I love you Louis...”

He got closer, and out of nowhere, he hugged him tightly

“ I feel like I'm loosing you... and I can’t let this happen. I fought so hard for this. We are finally together.. he finally signed the paper, why won't you let him go"

Louis didn't talk, then Ben kissed him in his forehead  
“ I'm so sorry.. I didn't mean to yell at you..”

Louis just nodded 

“ I need to have a bath..” it was all he could say, and he walked away, leaving Ben alone, he couldn't stay any longer, Ben would know the answer, he couldn't let Harry go, he wouldn't let Harry go. Not again and not now..   
*****

At the middle of the night, Louis was sleeping by Ben, Ben was deep sleep, when the phone rang. Louis's phone, Louis opened his eyes, and slowly he reached his hand and looked at his phone, it was Niall

Niall was calling at the midnight, why? 

Louis took the phone and hastily left the room,

“Niall..”

Niall sounds was shaking “ Louis.. thanks God.. did I wake you"

Louis got nervous “ Niall what is it?”

“ I found him..”

“ Harry?”

“ yeah .. you need to come now Louis”

“what's wrong Niall..”

“ I .. I don't know... he is so confused Louis. will you please come..”

“ is he okay?”

“ no.. I don't know"

Louis sighed “ I will be there in 10 minutes”

Louis hastily took his car keys , his wallet, and a jacket, he wore his boot and put on his jacket on his pyjamas, put on his beanie , and stormed outside.  
******  
Ten minutes later, he was in front of Niall's door, preparing himself for something bad, Niall's sound was very shaky, he knows Niall got nervous easily but he sounded panicked, Niall opened the door, and letting him enter   
“he is inside..”

Louis looking at Niall searching for any relief, Niall closed the door

“ he showed up at my place an hour ago..”

Louis took off his jacket “ what happened?”

Niall was still nervous “ he says he woke up at a hotel room alone.. with no phone. he thinks he was attacked"

Louis sighed “ not again..”

“ Louis, he ... doesn't remember you are divorced..”

Louis opened his mouth to answer, but he couldn't, okay Liam mentioned some memory loss, but what was going on

Niall “ he is in front TV.. he was crying I tried to calm him.. but I don't know.."

Louis nodded, and slowly he headed towards Harry. 

Harry was on the couch covered by a blanket, he looked weak, he looked pale, his eyes were puffed, he was resting his head on the couch hand, and he looked too young, too innocent, when Harry noticed Louis, he hastily jumped up from the couch, and ran to Louis and hugged him so tightly , he rested his head on Louis neck's crock, he cried like a child was lost and finally found his mommy

Louis “ it's okay..”

Harry was crying “ where have you been Lou, where did you go..”

Louis hugged him back, he tried to calm tensed Harry  
“ I'm here..”

“ I went home..”

Louis confused “ what?”

Harry looked at him wiping his tears  
“ I went home.. but you weren't there, people I don't know were there Lou..”

Louis didn't know what to say, Harry cried again  
“ I didn't know where to go..”

Louis patted on his cheek“ it's okay...you are here now. where were you?”

“I ... I don't know.. I wake up in a room , I didn't know where I was. I had no phone ... and I.. I needed you but you weren’t anywhere, I looked for you... “ he cried again

“ come on, let's sit down..” Harry nodded “ I am so tired “

louis nodded and he took him by hand and they both sat on the couch

Naill suddenly said “ I will make some tea..” for a minute Louis forgot about Niall, he was standing behind them, Louis looked at him smiling trying also to calm him down, and he knew he had to explain later to Naill

“ I was scared.. the man in our home was so angry Louis.. he wanted to hit me..”

Louis patted on his knee trying to calm Harry again, it hurts him how lost Harry was

“ Lou, what is going on...”

“ I will tell you.. baby.. you just need to calm down..”

“ why did you leave me" then he again rested his head on Louis's shoulder, Louis hugged him and  
Harry tried to calm down

“ my head is killing me..”

Louis nodded “ I know baby..”

Harry wiped his tears again” I feel dirty..”

“ it's okay... we will clean you up.. come on"

Louis took Harry to the bathroom, and he asked him to undress while Louis opened the hot water to adjust the temperature

Suddenly he heard a gasp, when he looked at Harry he almost threw up, Harry was half naked now, only wearing his boxer, he was looking at himself in the mirror. And the view was scary, Harry's chest was literally purple and blue, bruises everywhere, Harry was staring eyes wide opened, and he slowly touched his chest

“ it doesn't hurt ”

Louis swallowed his tears “ come here Harry..”

Harry looked at him eyes full of tears “.what is this?”

“ let's get cleaned.. I will explain later..”

Harry slowly moved towards the shower cap,  
“ I will wait outside..”

Harry looked at Louis surprised, but he only nodded. 

******  
At the kitchen , Louis entered and Niall was there smoking  
“ you smoke?”

“ no..”

But he gave Louis his packet, and Louis could use one now, he sat by Naill, and took a cigarette, and lighted it , he took a large drag, and exhaled slowly.

“ is he showering" asked Niall, Louis only nodded  
“what the hell is wrong with him.. he remembers nothing from last year"

Louis took another drag, then he said  
“ he has cancer. “

Niall looked at Louis mouth opened for talking, Louis  
“ leukaemia... but that is not the reason for his memory loss, he has a brain tumour.. it's benign, but it affects his memory..”

“ oh God..”

Louis took another drag and nodded, then  
“ he needs clean clothes..”

When Harry dressed inside the room Niall offered them, he was so silent, fighting his mind to remember anything, Louis was watching him sitting on the bed, and he knew Harry was lost, and confused

When Harry finished he looked at Louis ,Louis “ do you need some sleep?”

Harry nodded, Louis “ come on in..”

Harry slowly walked and Louis helped him to lie in bed, he then covered him , “ Lou.. please stay..”

Harry said it begging, his eyes again full of tears  
Louis nodded, he sat by Harry on bed 

“ sleep with me. “ Harry uttered whispering  
Louis again nodded, right now he would do anything for Harry

He lied by him on the bed, and Harry slowly turned to look at him, Louis was trying to make some distance, but Harry rested his head on Louis's chest, he was still crying silently

“ how is your head?”

Harry just shrugged, Louis said softly “ why are you crying Harry..”

“ you are mad..”

“ why?”

Harry shrugged again “ I don't know.. you didn't get in shower with me..”

Louis sighed, but no , he wouldn't tell him anything tonight, he will let him sleep quietly

“ no baby... I am not mad..”

“ are we okay..”

“ yes Harry we are okay..”

“ I love you Lou... I love you so much..”

“ I love you baby too. I will always love you Harry..” he meant it from the bottom of his heart

He started to play with Harry's curls , then Harry said  
“ I would kiss you now.. but I can't open my eyes. “

Louis smiled kissing him on his head “ do they hurt you..”

Harry smiling “ everything hurts.. but right now.. I am home.. I am okay..”

Louis nodded “ you are okay..”

“ Lou..”

“ umhee..”

“ you will tell me what is wrong with me?”

Louis sighed “ I will tell you baby... but not now, you need to sleep now..”

“ yes... I will sleep now..”

Louis played with Harry's hair, and Harry s breath became long and loud, he was asleep, Louis kissed his hair, and he missed this, he felt home too, Harry was in his arms, and Louis pretended that everything was finally okay, Harry was okay, their marriage was okay, he loved this dream, and he wanted it to last forever,  
Next morning, Louis opened his eyes, it took him a minute to realize where he was, it was still early 9 am , he looked beside him and there was no Harry, he looked around him and the door was opened, Harry must be in the toilet or something, Louis was leaving his bed, when his phone lighted beside him, he made it silent not to wake Harry, and he knew who was calling him. 

“ good morning Ben"

“ are you okay..” asking Ben frantically

“ I 'm okay baby..”

“ where are you..”

“ I couldn't sleep so I left early .sorry didn't need to wake you up"

“ oh baby.. it s okay.are you okay"

“ I am fine.really Ben I will see you at dinner. “

“ okay... love you..” 

“ love you too"  
then he hang up and slowly he stood up, when he turned towards the door, There was Harry staring shockingly at Louis

“ what's wrong?” his heart skipped a beat really

“ you said... you.. said.. I love you .. to Ben..”

“ Harry listen..”

“ what... is.. are you.. cheating... what is happening? .”

Then he leaned to support himself on the wall, he felt dizzy,

Louis getting closer “ Harry.. you need to listen..”

Harry only looked at Louis, Louis started “ do you know what day today?”

Harry swallowed hard “ it's...something in .. I don’t know..”

Louis nodded “ it's December Harry... 2017''

Harry smiled confused “ what are you doing..”

“ Harry. you are sick..”

Harry stared at him frozen , Louis “ you need help .. baby please.. you need help..”

“ how sick..” Harry whispered

Louis “ it's back..”

“ no..” Harry's tears now on his cheeks

“ I'm so sorry.. Harry.. but you have it since last year.it affects your memory..”

“ Lou.. what are you talking about..” Harry refused to believe

Louis was in front of him, he held his hand to sit him on the bed, Harry obeyed but he was in a complete loss  
When Harry sat, Louis sat by him, his hand on Harry's hand, Harry was breathing fast, and he was looking at his hands trying to understand

“ I am so sorry Harry. but this is the truth you need to start your treatment right away..”

Harry slowly nodded, he was crying again silently,  
Louis started to cry too “ I am sorry baby I swear..”

Harry looked at him “ it's not your fault..”, He cried again “ I cant remember anything..”

Louis cupped Harry's face and their heads touched  
“ you will be okay.. I promise..”

Harry nodded “ I know.. I know..”

“ you will make it..”

Harry nodded again still crying “ together..”

But Louis stopped talking, Harry cried again  
“ please tell me we are okay..”

Louis didn’t talk, Harry cried harder , he held Louis hands that was cupping his face “ please Lou..”

Louis cried “ we are not..”

“ oh God..”

“ we are not together any more Harry..”

Harry looked at him terrified, Louis shook his head  
“ we are not together anymore.. we are divorced..”

Harry for a minute felt he was going to throw up, he slowly left the bed, very dizzy, he couldn't breath, he tried to breath but nothing, he could hear his heartbeat in his ears, and he felt the world was spinning around him, and he knew that feeling, so slowly Harry let himself fall down , he felt himself hitting the floor, he felt himself being shaken, and he felt a hand patting in his face, someone yelling his name, and someone saying

“ stop... baby stop..”

Then he slowly faded away, giving up, Harry gave up , but his mind was working still, he divorced Louis, divorce, they are not together any more , and Harry prayed for his mind to stop, he wanted to fall in the darkness, he could feel the darkness, and right now he needed to invade it, Harry needed to sleep and never wake up again.


	7. Chapter 7

“ we are no more together anymore... we are divorced"

If Louis regrets anything in his life he regrets uttering these words, if he can stop the time, if he could back in time he would not say them, because what happened next Louis couldn't absorb, he remembersled seeing Harry squeezing his head in agony, he remembered Harry collapsing on the floor, he remembered Harry seizing unstoppable, and he yelled his name and he begged for him to stop, he remembered someone yelling at Louis  
“ you are hurting him.. stop touching..”

And he knew it was Zayn, how did Zayn showed up out of nowhere, Louis really didn't care, because Zayn who helped Harry, Harry seized, Harry was in a lot of pain, and eventually Harry stopped breathing

Louis can still see Zayn performing CPR, yelling at Harry to breath again, he wanted to tell Zayn to stop yelling at him, he was in pain, but he couldn't form a word, he couldn't even moved 

When medics entered the room, they were talking a lot, maybe to him, but he couldn't hear, he tried but there was a buzz in his ears instead, he remembered staring at Harry waiting for any response, then Harry was taken away, Zayn talked to him again but Louis was still not hearing, then Zayn helped him to stand and together they walked following Harry. 

Niall was also there, when Harry got in the ambulance, Louis remembered Zayn yelling at the medics, he didn't know why, but eventually Zayn got inside with Harry, and before the door was closed, Zayn nodded to Louis, or maybe to Niall who took Louis by hand, and they headed towards his car.

When they arrived to the hospital, Louis was gaining his conscious gradually, he could hear now, but he still couldn't talk, he was responding to the surrounding, and he now know where he was, and what was going on

He waited with Nial at the waiting area in the hospital, Niall was nervous, he was looking at Louis from time to time, Louis never shared an eye contact he kept staring at the ground, but he could still feel  
Naill nervous eyes staring at him from continously . 

An hour later, still the same, no sign for Zayn, and they know nothing about Harry  
“ he is alive right?”

Louis asked Naill, Naill snapped his head up towards Louis , Louis said again “ right?”

Niall slowly nodded “ I think... no one shows. so it's a good sign..”

Louis nodded, Niall “ are you okay?”

Louis looked at him finally, Niall “ you panicked... so are you okay now..”

Louis took a deep breath “ I guess..”

“ good..”

Then Niall saw Zayn and Liam moving towards them, Niall stood up hastily and Louis followed,

They both looked stressed, Zayn eyes were puffed and there is no need to say he was crying Niall “ how is he?”

Liam “ he is stable right now.... but he is in coma. I am really sorry.”

Louis looked at Zayn for a sign of reassurance, Zayn just shook his head slowly

Liam completed “ his tumour was causing pressure to the brain, that what lead to seizures and , I was afraid of brain swelling.. but it happens anyway and that caused the coma.. but I guarantee to you that after the surgery he will be back again..”

Niall “ what surgery..”

“ it's a brain surgery to remove his tumour.. it was supposed to happen a long time ago” Niall “ oh.. God"  
Liam then looked at Louis “ he needs his surgery now Louis..”

Louis looked confused, Liam “ I know he says he took your name off, but I got nothing so till I get that update you are the responsible here"

Louis nodded “ I... will.. I need to tell his mother.”

Liam nodded “ of course... but before anything. I need you to full understand the surgery, you need to know the complications, and to understand completely what will happen..”

Louis almost panic, Liam “ I will explain everything in my office then you can inform his family..”

Louis again looked at Zayn, Zayn only nodded, Louis had no other choice, he would make this decision by his own, alone, he was responsible for Harry's life right now.  
*****

Inside Liam's office, Liam and Louis were sitting in front each other, Louis was nervous, Liam noticed that, and he tried to calm him a little bit,

Liam started “ I know you are nervous.”

Louis nodded then sighed “ I begged him to choose his mom or Zayn when we signed the forms. but he insisted. I always imagined myself in this situation”

he looked at Liam “ don't get me wrong. I never wanted him to be sick again but we always expected it.”

Liam nodded “ yeah it happens..”

“ I wish it wasn't me..”

Liam smiled “ he trusts you. he told me that last time. he said he doesn't know who knows him better than you..” and yeah it was how Harry thinking , Louis knew Harry trusted him when it came to his health, even if he was scared like earlier, he would gather himself and decide the best for Harry.

Liam took a deep breath “ first of all. I need you to know it's not a simple procedure. I will cut out an area of the bone of the skull it gives me an opening so I can operate on the brain itself..”

Louis tried not to imagine 

“ normally the patient is awake.. So we can monitor any changes in speech or hearing but since he is in coma so we won’t be able to know the danger and here comes the risk..”

“ are you saying.. he might not be the same..”

“ I have done this million times every time there is a risk Louis, but let's hope and pray. his tumour is big, it's in sensitive area and let's not forget about his leukaemia... this coming days will be tough for him..”

“ what about his leukaemia? Is it safe?”

Liam nodded “ yeah .. we talked with him about this he..” then he stopped talking, Louis looked at him waiting , Liam “ we need a donor. and he refuses to ask his family . he says he doesn't want to scare him..”

Louis sighed “ crap..”

“ listen Louis, he is depressed. he doesn't think right he can't decide. it often happens when the cancer returns. you can imagine how horrible he feels , repeating the experiment after 10 years of total recovery. it s really hard for him and don’t forget about his tumour.. it makes him emotionally and personally different..”

Louis nodded closing his eyes “ I can't believe this is happening... last time it was only chemo”

Liam patted on his knee “ this will pass.. “

Louis smiled , Liam “ now I need you to call his family and tell them. you need to make your decision as fast as possible, the faster we remove it the better.”

Louis thinking “ will he wake up again?”

Liam nodded “ he is in coma because of the tumour... once we remove it he will get better. “

Louis sighed again “ please tell me, is it the right thing to do...”

Liam nodded “ it's our only option..”

" and if I say no?"

"well don't expect him to wake up again I am really sorry"

“ and he will be okay... If the procedure goes right..”

Liam again nodded “ my part will be over. you won't see my face again... but he still needs to get the treatment..”

“ yeah, yeah, one thing at a time”

Liam nodded “ okay.. I am waiting for your final decision..”

Louis stood up ready to leave “ can I see him?”

“ yeah. of course.. I will take you there..”

*******

Outside Harry’s room , standing Louis , Zayn, Niall and Gigi, Louis couldn't see him yet, he just felt too much so he let Niall and Gigi see him first

Gigi “ he really looks okay.. like sleeping.”

Louis nodded, he knew she was trying to reassure him,  
Niall “ so what will you do?”

Louis sighed “ I called Ann it was tough. but she will be here by tomorrow night, if I approved she will miss the surgery, I guess it is better this way, she was miserable”

Zayn nodded “ yeah.. I imagine. Gemma was mad at me she kept yelling and yelling and at the end she cried..”

Louis nodded “ it's awful... did you tell her about me?”

Zayn nodded “ that's when she calmed. she said you will know what to do..”

Louis raised his brows “ she did?”

Zayn smiling “ yeah I was shocked my self..even when she is mad at you and refuses to talk to you again. but she trusts you just like him..”

Louis looked again at the door, Zayn “ let's go and say hi..”

Louis looked back at him and just nodded. 

He prayed for a miracle, maybe Harry was awake, and he would take his own decision, maybe Harry would be okay and needed no surgery at all, but miracles in real life just didn't happen. 

Inside Harry's room, he did look asleep, he looked in peace, Louis sat by him on the plastic chair, while Zayn stood a little bit far, Louis didn’t push, he knew Zayn ,  
Louis looked at Harry's face, and God coma or not, he still looked beautiful, the one and only for Louis, the love of his life. 

Slowly Louis held Harry's hand and he started to draw circles on his wrist, the technique Louis used to do when Harry gets nervous, he says it always soothes him 

He was still looking at Harry's face when he sighed “ hi Harry.. it's me Louis, Zayn is here..”

He looked at Zayn and he was looking at the floor,  
Louis turned to Harry

“ you will be okay. you have to do the surgery Harry.. and I can't lie to you I am scared. they are gonna cut your skull..” he then looked at his hair “ oh God.. they gonna shave your head.your are not gonna like this..”

He looked at Zayn “ he is not gonna like this..”

Zayn slowly headed towards them nodding, Louis was in tears now “ God.. tell me what to do “ Zayn squeezed his shoulder , Louis looked at Harry again “ please... don't make me regret it. you have to be okay..”

He then wiped his tears away “ there is a risk Zayn... he might not be the same..”

“ it's the only way.. “

Louis just nodded, Zayn “ I will wait outside. “

Louis nodded, he knew 5 minutes were too much for Zayn anyway, Zayn left the room almost running, and louis was left alone with Harry

“ I love you Harry.. please be okay because I just cant live without you. even we are divorced... you are always here with open arms.. so please don't do this..now please don’t go"

******  
When Louis told Liam about his decision, and he approved on all terms on the applications he signed, he didn't expect it will be too fast, Harry was taken away two hours later for the surgery, and Louis, Zayn Niall and Gigi waited for him in his room for five hours, Dr Payne said it will take nearly five hours, Niall had to leave cause they needed him at work , but he promised he will come back,

Louis was sitting on the couch when his phone rang, Zayn was sitting by him, and Gigi was sleeping on Harry's bed,

Louis looked at his phone and for a minute he frowned, he then took the phone and left the room,  
“ hello Ben..”

“ you are at hospital?”

Louis raised one brow “ how did you know?”

“ answer me... you are at the hospital with him?”

Louis closed his eyes, his mind was taken already and he could barely talk

“ are you?”

“ I am... he is surgery now and I am really so worried so if you are just calling to be mad at me. then fine.. message received..”

Then he hang up without hearing any answers, he took a moment to contain his anger, he knew he upset his fiancee, he looked at his ring and he was lost, he didn't know what its fate will be in the coming days

When Louis returned to the room, Gigi was on the couch with Zayn in his lap, they was looking at something on her phone, then he heard his voice  
Harry singing

“ YOU CAN BE THE GREATEST  
YOU CAN BE THE BEST  
YOU CAN BE THE KING KONG BANGING ON YOUR CHEST  
YOU CAN BEAT THE WORLD  
YOU CAN BEET THE WAR  
YOU CAN TALK TO GOD BANGING ON HIS DOOR"  
Then he heard his own voice also singing  
“ YOU CAN THROW YOUR HANDS UP  
YOU CAN BEAT THE CLOCK  
YOU CAN MOVE A MOUNTAIN  
YOU CAN BREAK ROCKS"

Louis sat slowly by them and Gigi show him the video, he remembered that day, it was a few years ago and Gigi was depressed, she was turned down again from her job, before she got that opportunity with that fashion magazine, she was so depressed, and Zayn called his best friends who know how to cheer her up again, and Harry as usual decided to sing to her, and Louis as usual decided to share. 

They looked too young at the video, Harry's hair was long, and it was the year where Louis wore his jeans jacket everywhere, they looked happy, two years married, and they were really enjoying their time,  
Gigi rested her head on Louis's shoulder, and he knew she was worried, she cares for Harry and  
Louis knows how much Harry loves her. 

The time passed too slowly, it was five hours and half later when Dr Payne showed back, they all were waiting even Niall came

When they saw Liam, almost all of them stood and became alerted

Liam started “ the surgery was a success... the tumour was fully removed..”

And finally they all breathed again  
Louis asked first “ how is he?”

“ we believe he is okay, he is in intensive care., he will stay there till tomorrow... the good news is he wake up from his coma, but we need him asleep for the next two days, he is under heavy sedatives”

“ noting is wrong?”

Liam smiled “ he is okay Louis, nothing was affected, he speaks, he hears, he knows who he is... we think it's great news"

“ thanks God..”

Gigi patted on his back when he got emotional,  
Liam “ you can see him if you want to..”

Louis nodded, Liam “ ok.. good, but I put him on ventilator only for today, so don't worry”

Louis nodded, Liam “ okay.. come on"

Louis looked at the rest , Gigi hugged him and Zayn nervously nodded. 

Inside the ICU, harry was on a bed, looking too small now, connected with multiple machines, tubes everywhere, his head was covered with a white dressing over his wound, it was scary seeing him like this, he saw Harry at his worse shapes before, but Harry never undergo a surgery before, never was in ICU, never was unconscious like this, and this was causing a chest ache in Louis, he slowly touched Harry's hand and kissed his forehead, he whispered in his ear

“ I am waiting for you baby..”

And then he left the room, crying, he can't control his tears now, it felt right to cry because just right now he felt weak, he needed some power, he needed some strength, he need his mom

Louis left the whole hospital sending Zayn a text says  
“ went out for a walk .. be back"

He drove his car alone, he walked outside the hospital, and he walked and walked and walked, his mind was full of memories, they shared a lot of memories together, actually all Louis's memory was with Harry, when he graduated school, when they got into college and Harry followed two years later, when they got married, their honeymoon, his mom's funeral, Lottie's wedding, Fizzy’s graduation , all the happy and sad memories they shared it together, and it only brought tears to his eyes

Louis found himself in front of a garden, he sat on a wooden bench, it was cold, and he left his jacket at the hospital, but he doesn't care, he was crying , and then he looked up at the sky

“ God please, let him stay with me, please, don't take him too, you already have mom, please mom, ask God to let him with me, God loves you right, please”

He cried harder now “ I can't survive, I won't survive I know, he is the only thing that matters okay God I know it now, you don't have to punish me this way so I know how important he is.. please save him God.. please"  
He then took a deep breath, and let the tears fall down , he didn't bother wiping them away, he just cried, and cried , and cried


	8. Chapter 8

When Louis returned to the hospital, only Zayn was there in Harry's room, he was sleeping on the couch, but when he noticed Louis he gave him a room so he can lie down with him, it was a large couch anyway. 

they both looked at the ceiling, and no one talked, everyone was lost in his mind, you can see the anxious on Zayn's face, you can see the tears on Louis’s

“ remember when we were eighteen... when he had his first chemo session, he wanted to play football the night before, and he wanted to win so bad” Zayn started

Louis chuckled “ it was the first time he played good, yeah I remember we were so exhausted, just returned home from college to be with him..”

“ he wasn't afraid, no he was excited"

Louis smiled “ yeah.. he is fighter"

Zayn didn't speak after that, Louis “ I know what you are thinking Zayn, you think he gave up right?  
But no I won't let him..”

Zayn sighed “ how Lou? I mean I know how you are feeling too, but you have Ben now , and he is not a quitter, he loves you and he will mind seeing you with him"

“ he has to understand..”

“ how.. you gotta think by his mind, I know he hates Harry, like really hates him, it won't be easy and sooner you will take side”

Louis knows that was the truth “ no he will understand..”

“ Harry needs you Louis, he won't make it without you"

Louis nodded, Zayn “ do you still love him?”

Louis wasn't surprised, he was asking himself the same question lately,

“ I... I mean.. I don't know Zayn.. I tried to hate him، I was mad at him, but I never hated him.. I just kept him in his place in my heart and locked him in. I never wanted to get near again , I stopped thinking of loving him.. do you know what I mean ?”

Zayn nodded, then he said “ he still loves you, he never said a word , but it's written in all his face”

“ I know, he told me"

“ really?”

“ yeah, he said he won't have treatment because he can't live a life I am not in it"

“ shit”

“ yeah, he keeps making it complicated"

Zayn sighed “ we made it hard for him, he did tried to apologize”

“ I thought he was doing it just to keep me away from Ben"

Zayn nodded “ I thought that too"

Louis closing his eyes in disbelief “ God, it makes sense now. do you remember when he fought with Ben.. when they hit each other"

“ can't forget..”

“ he came to the store next day. he begged me to forgive him Zayn... he cried... and I know there was something he hides but. I was too mad to care..” tears on his cheeks

“ he was trying to tell us.. but we didn't want to listen, he wanted us to be with him not because he is sick.. that idiot thinks we hate him"

“ how could I let this happen?”

Zayn didn't respond to this, then “ have you seen him?”

Louis only nodded “ he looks awful Zayn.. I can't see him like this again" his voice was shaken

Zayn nodded pressing his lips hard, after all this was their childhood friend, their best friend ever, even if they had their fights and mistakes , their friendship remains forever.

*****  
Louis and Zayn left home , there was no need for them to stay at the hospital anyway, they can't see  
Harry till the next day, they were exhausted, and they both need some sleep

When Louis entered the flat, he hoped Ben wouldn't be there. He had no power for any fights, and God must heard his prayers cause there was no sign for Ben. 

Louis thought to call him but he knew they would fight so maybe tomorrow, he just lied there and begged for sleeping. He tried not to think of what happened, and it wad s struggle, but eventually he slept. 

He dreamt of Harry, it wasn't a dream, it was a memory, when Harry proposed, it was so romantic, Louis didn't expect that, Harry's birthday and everyone was around, and some how Harry baked the ring in the cake, in Louis's piece specifically, when Louis found the ring he was confused, he was the one who bought the cake, how could they put a ring in it, and when he saw Harry on his knee while everyone was clapping and shouting happily, he was speechless, it was an emotional day, they cried out of happiness, Louis memorized that day, he still remember how he felt, so having that memory in his dream really put him on edge.

When he opened his eyes, Harry was there, sleeping by him, Louis smiled and he hugged him, he smelled him, but.. there was something wrong, that wasn’t Harry

Ben turned to look at Louis, he was smiling softly too  
“ good morning baby..”

For a minute Louis was confused , he only nodded trying to smile

“ I came late, didn’t want to wake you up..”

“ it's okay..”

“ you looked tired..”

“ it was a tough day..”

Ben nodded, then “ how is he?”

Louis didn’t answer, instead he left the bed, Ben was still looking waiting for any answer, Louis looked back at him

Ben “ what?!!l"

“ I don't want to fight..”

Ben leaving the bed too “ me too. if you don't want to talk about it.. then it's okay but at least let me know if he is okay?”

Louis couldn't hide his surprise, Ben sighed “ come on.. even if I hate him.. I don't want him dead.”

Louis slowly nodded “ okay. he made the surgery yesterday. he is still in ICU, but he will be okay.”

Ben only nodded, then “ go take your shower.. I will make the breakfast"

And then he left the room

Okay, Louis was happy for a calm start, but that was weird, he just accepted that Louis spent the whole day with Harry and he seemed okay

After having his shower, Louis headed towards the kitchen, Ben was still there, waiting for him, he made him breakfast and he was reading the newspaper, it was an old habit and Ben couldn't get red  
of it,

Ben looked at him “ are you going back to the hospital?”

Louis nodded, Ben “ okay...” then he pointed at the chair in front “ have a seat.. it will get cold.”

Louis slowly sat, it was a rich breakfast, eggs, sausage, and pancakes

Louis took his cup of tea and took a sip, then “ no work for today?”

“ I will be late..”

Louis nodded started eating, Ben “ I am sorry about yesterday..”

Louis shook his head “ no.. I am the one who should be sorry, but when you called.. I was just nervous he was at the surgery..”

Ben only nodded, then started drink  
Louis was still feeling weird, “ what will happen now?”

Louis “ we still don’t know... I will have to talk with his doctor..”

“ have you told his mother?”

Louis nodded “ I did.. she will be here tonight"

“ that's good..”

Louis put the fork down “ listen.. I understand how uncomfortable you are, but I am still responsible for his medical decisions, he says he took me off but... it maybe will take some times.”

Ben nodded, Louis “ I have to be with him. before he collapsed he was so confused he doesn’t remember last year”

Ben was shocked, Louis “ the doctor says it was because of the tumour and since it is removed.. then he will be okay..”

Again Ben nodded, then drank again, Louis “ are you okay with this?”

Ben took a deep breath “ it will be a lie if I tell you yes, but I do understand Louis, he needs you, you were his partner for long time.. I understand how fragile he is now..”

Louis nodded “ thank you..”

Then he stood up to leave, he can't make this conversation turns into a fight he has to leave now, something in his heart felt wrong, when Louis was about to leave the kitchen Ben called his name, Louis looked back at him, but Ben was looking at his cup  
“ we will be okay.. right?”

And Louis knew what the answer, but he had to lie  
“ of course we will" and then he left without any further talk.

******

In the hospital, Louis spent nearly two hours with Dr Payne , he explained everything about Harry's case, what to expect in these coming days , and how much time Harry will take to overcome this, it was long, since he still has leukaemia, he will spent much more time at the hospital to prevent any possible infection, they still need to monitor him, control his numbers as possible as they can. 

He will be in pain, much pain, he will have a large amount of sedative which will make him asleep most of the time, he might not talk at the first a few days, due to exhaustion, but he will be able to do that later, his memory will be confused at the start, but also will he okay later, he will feel fatigue most of the times so he won't walk by his own, someone has always be there with him, he will be dizzy, and will have the worst migraine ever, he of course has lost his appetite, and he will look paler and paler with coming days,  
Louis insisted to swap the inside of his cheeks and test his DNA, to see if he can be a donor or not for Harry, although it's a minimum chance but he tried it anyway, the hospital put Harry on the programme anyway and they were looking for his match, they were waiting for his mother and sister since they are the highly likely matches. 

At the midday, Ben called Louis asking him to have dinner together, Louis couldn't say no, he couldn't see Harry , and Zayn will be there if anything happened. 

Ben took him for dinner and it was really good, he cleared his mind, Ben was listening to him without showing any complaining, Louis was proud of him he finally understood, and Ben gave him the ride back to the hospital. 

When Louis returned to hospital, Anne had arrived, he saw her with Zayn in front the ICU, when she saw him she hugged him really tightly, Anne loves Louis, she always supported him, even when she knew about Harry's cheating she took Louis's side, unlike Gemma who gave Louis a hard time accepting the divorce he asked for

Anne was strong woman, she passed through this before with Harry, she was the source of strength, she never lost hope and she always knew that Harry will be okay. 

But this time Louis couldn't find that hope in her eyes, and he figured that she talk to Dr Payne and he told her Harry's condition

Louis looking at her " how was the flight?” Anne tried to smile “ it was okay..”

then she cried, he hugged her and he remembered previously when he or Zayn cried she was the one who hugged them, things became difference now, they were adults and finally she can show her weakness

“ he will be okay..” he said , while Zayn patted her back softly

Louis looked at Zayn and Zayn only shrugged, Louis “ have you seen him?”

Anne nodded “ my baby... I can't believe he has to do it again"

Louis nodded, then she looked at him “ what happened.. how did he know? I mean he told me the last check up was good"

,Harry lied

Louis “ it wasn't... he never did it"

Anne was shocked “ what!! Why?”

Louis didn't answer, but she only nodded “ when you called my last month.. did you know?"

Louis sighed “ I am so sorry.”

Anne crying “ what were you both thinking hiding this from me..”

Louis hugged her again, she said in his lap “ did he show symptoms? Was he not okay?”

“ I only saw him couple of times... he wasn't-”

Anne looked shockingly at him “ you are not together again?”

Louis looked at Zayn for a second, he didn't know if Harry told her about the divorce or not

“ two months ago.. Harry signed the paper.”

Anne “ oh God.. oh God..”

She looked at Zayn “ I can't...”, she then looked at Louis's eyes “ I can't do this alone Louis.. I can't"

“ no.. no I won't leave his side Anne I promise..”

She nodded trying to control her self, Louis “ it's okay... let's drink anything..”

She looked at the room door, Louis “ he won't go anywhere.. let's just have a drink.”

Anne nodded and the three of them headed towards the hospital cafeteria

Louis told Anne everything, she begged him to do, and he promised he won't hide anything , he told her what he knows since the attack till yesterday, the panic look in her eyes were heart breaking, but she didn't cry, Anne restore her strength again,

“ will his memory back again?” Anne asked

“ Dr Payne says it the first he will be confused, but he will"

She nodded but she fixed his gaze at Louis's hand he was looking at his ring, , she looked at him for a second but she didn't say a word

Zayn finally talked “ did you make the swap?”

Anne nodded “ I did.. Gemma will be here tomorrow.. and she will do it too"

Zayn nodded, Anne knew how nervous he was, she slowly patted his knee, and when he looked at her she smiled, that wad Anne, the kindest woman alive. 

*****

At the night Harry was removed to his room, he was no longer on the ventilator, only hooked to his heart clip, and an IV for his nourishment, a nasal cannula to help him breathe, Doctor said not to expect him talk today, and if he opened his eyes then they will be lucky, he asked them to stay quiet as possible as they can, and he told them the visit hours

Anne, Louis, Zayn and Niall who showed at the end of the day, each of them stayed with him five minutes individually, and Harry didn't respond to anyone. 

After the visit hours, Anne left to the hotel, although Zayn and Louis asked her to stay with them, she politely refused, she said she will sleep immediately and there was no need to worry. 

Zayn then headed towards Gigi's home and Louis wished that he could stay with him, but he didn't push, they all know how anxious Zayn could get, so he let him do what he wants. 

And Louis returned home, Ben was there waiting for him, he didn't talk , he didn't ask about Harry, just talked to Louis about his day, and then wished him a goodnight and slept. 

Louis didn't want to go to bed, he just stayed on the couch watching whatever on TV, and somehow his brain wasn't thinking of anything, he just stared blankly at his TV, pretending that everything was okay.


	9. Chapter 9

“ he is awake..” Anne said through the phone, Louis was just awake, having his breakfast with Ben

“ I am on my way..” said Louis then he hanged up,  
Ben was drinking his tea

“ do you need a ride?”

Louis shook his head “ I will take my car..”

Ben nodded “ there is something I need to talk to you about..”

Louis puzzled “ now?”

“ it's about Christmas.. since we can't celebrate your birthday tomorrow ..”

Louis nodded “ you know how tense-”

Ben interrupted “ I know I know... I am talking about Christmas. what if we spend it with my family..”

Louis at the start didn’t understand, but when he looked at Ben's eyes he felt something really wrong, he seemed distant, his mind was taken Louis “ Ben .. are you okay.”

Ben looked at him shocked “ what?!"

Louis frowned“ what is wrong with you?”

Ben sighed “ nothing really. i mean since Harry is awake now.. and his mother and sister are here with him, maybe we can spend sometime together?”

Louis was confused , Ben had every right to ask for this, their first Christmas together as an engaged couple, but of course Louis wanted to spend every possible time with Harry, he didn't want to hurt Ben, and his mind now was racing, he wanted to see Harry now

“ can we talk later about this..”

Ben sighed looked at his cup again “ it just a simple yes Louis.”

Louis hesitated “ I don’t know.. I mean I still don’t know how he is ... really ... and...” Ben looked at him “ you know what,you are right"

then he stood up putting the dishes in the sink “ we will talk about it later..”

Ben was giving him his back, and Louis couldn't do anything , he was just too confused, he loved Ben, for the last year Ben was the centre of his life, he knew Ben loved him too much, he knew it was difficult for Ben to stand this, it was a battle and he could not fight, you cant fight a broken body like Harry, and he cant fight Louis too. 

he knew how hard it was for Ben to control his anger to control his pain, his jealousy, but right now Louis was only thinking about Harry, his Harry, the one and only.

When Louis arrived the hospital, he saw Anne waiting in front Harry's room, when she saw him she walked to him and hugged him

“ he is awake"

Louis nodded looking at Harry's room,  
Anne “ doctor Payne is inside.”

Louis looked at Anne, he was worried and he couldn't hide his shaking sound “ how is he?”

Anne tried to control her tears “ he didn't talk so much.. only two words... your name was one of them"

Louis didn't know what to say, Anne “ Dr Payne says his memory is still not okay.. he needs time"

Louis nodded, Anne “ right now he thinks you are still together..”

“ it's okay..”

Anne only nodded , she dried her tears  
“ he smiled to me"

And it hurt, Harry was the most cheerful person he ever met, he never lose his smile, even in his darkest places he was trying to make a joke out of it, Louis remembers sometimes Harry's smile was teasing him and right now all they wait for was his smile. 

Moments later, Dr Payne opened the door, and when he saw Louis he waved for Louis to enter

Louis looked at Anne who only smiled trying to encourage him

Louis slowly entered the room, he wanted to see him but also he was scared

“ look who is here Harry" Liam said

He wasn’t lying flat, he was lying his upper part in 30 degree, Harry only moved his eyes, it was barely opened, Louis heart was beating fast, he was so emotional, Harry was so weak that he couldn't move his head, when Harry saw Louis he smiled, weakly but he smiled, and so slowly he tried to raise his hand. 

Louis saw his hand movement and he rushed to him, then slowly he held his hand, tangled their fingers together, Harry was still smiling looking at him, Louis looked back at his eyes, they were exhausted, dull, he could barley open them, but he wanted to look at Louis

“ how are you doing baby..” Louis almost whispered  
Harry barely nodded, Liam “Harry, do you know who is this?”

Harry smiled “ m.. Lo"

Louis smiled widely, wiped his tears away hastily  
Liam “ that's right..”

Harry was still looking at Louis “ ha-ppy"

Louis nodded “ you are happy?”

Harry shook his head slowly but still smiling  
“ ha-ppy... bir..th.. day"

Louis was shocked, he didn't expect that, Louis looked at Liam who smiled

“ I just told him what day is today. it means his long memory is okay..”

Louis smiled looking back at Harry “ thank you baby..”

Harry was still smiling “ luv yo..”

Louis nodded “ I know...” he kissed his hand, but when he looked back at Harry he lost his smile and nearly frowned

“ what?!l”

Harry stuttered “ luv ... you.. more"

Louis smiled, that was a thing, Harry says I love you and Louis replies I love you more, they started that so long time ago, only stopped when Harry stopped saying I love you, and even if he did Louis wasn't replying,

“ love you more baby", and Harry smiled again. 

“ you need to sleep Harry, don't exhaust yourself”

Harry to Louis “ stay?”

Louis looked at Liam “ I can't stay .. " Liam nodded , Louis looked back at Harry “ but I will visit you again.. I will never leave your side”

Harry slowly nodded “ promise"

Louis nodded “ promise..” then he kissed Harry's hand again

“ sleep baby.. you need it” then Harry nodded and closed his eyes,

****

At the evening , Gemma arrived, she was so emotional, she didn t stop crying, no one could blame her really, they all wanted to do the same, they all hide their tears and pretend strong. 

Louis called Ben, he didn't know why, but he could not forget the look he had on his face this morning, he wanted to know that he was okay, he wasn't, even Ben said he was fine his sound was off, so  
Louis promised to come home early this night and asked him to wait for him. 

Louis received a phone call, he was still at hospital with Anne, Zayn, Gigi, and Gemma who still refused to talk to him, they all were at the cafeteria when Louis excused to take the phone

“ hello Mr Tomlinson..”

“ he is”

“ we're so sorry to inform you, your test results are negative, you can't be the donor"

Although he almost knew, although he didn't expect a different result, but he was shocked, he had a tiny hope

“ thank you so much"

He couldn’t returned to them, he was this close from crying, so he just went outside the hospital, so he can control his emotions. 

He was sitting on a bench outside the hospital , smoking, deep thinking, one was down, millions are next, Harry could be lucky and found his donor between his family, Anne had done the test and  
Gemma must do it now

“ I thought you quit”

Gemma said sitting by him, he looked at her and didn't speak 

“ I am still mad at you”, he nodded

She took a cigarette too from the packet Louis put beside him

Gemma was looking in front “ he signed the paper?”

Louis nodded, Gemma “ I know he would.. he told me..”

Louis was shocked, Gemma “ he told me what he feels, he knew his cancer was back.. he felt it"

Louis sighed “ he knew a year ago..”

Gemma looked at him mouth opened, then “ he told me three months ago..”

Louis nodded , Gemma “ he said if he has it back he will divorce you.”

“ why?”

“ cause you don't deserve to live through this again.. I know angel Harry" she scoffed, they both kept silent smoking mind taken

“ who called you?” Gemma asked

“ the lab, I made the swap..”

“ and?”

He shook his head, Gemma nodded “ I think I should do mine soon"

He nodded, Gemma “ okay... that's terrifying”

Louis nodded “ I know...”

Gemma threw the cigarette on the floor and then smashed it with her shoe “ how is it fair? Having all this tragedies and he is barely 27..”

Louis was going to talk, but she said “ I mean.. he is a good man, he never hurt anyone..” then she looked at him “ except you..”

Louis closed his mouth, There was no answer for that, Gemma  
“ did you forgive him?”

Louis did what she did to the cigarette “ I don't know Gemm, I mean when I know about his cancer... I am really confused"

She nodded “ I am sorry.. I know I was hard with you... but I just know how much he loves you, and he was hurt when you asked for the divorce..”

Louis nodded “ I was hurt too..”

“ okay... now I get it. it just you had a tough history together, and the divorce was like a slap on my face, it made me look at things differently..”

Louis raised one brow “ how?”

She smiled “ I always thought what you have was a true love, what you have been through, what you had to face, the homophobic , Harry's cancer, but I guess nothing is true.. right" 

Wrong, I love your brother, but he said “ he cheated..”

She nodded “ he did a mistake that's right. and you couldn't forgive him.. you forgot all the history..”

“ I can't believe you blame me for this..”

She shook her head “ no.. I don't if I was you, I would do the same, and that's weird to forget all what you have for a mistake..”

“ it was fatal"

“ only for him.. you lived your life, got engaged..”

Louis didn't talk, Gemma sighed “ no I don't blame you Louis, you thought what you had was over, you lived, you loved again..”

“ I will stay till he is okay again..”

“ and then what? Now he thinks you are his husband, do you know what happens when he knows the truth..”

The answer was no, and no one knew, Gemma was worried about her brother, she didn't blame Louis, but she was worried, she was right though, the minute Harry knows about the divorce, he will collapse. 

Gemma wished that this never happened, the divorce never happened, she wished that Louis could forgave him, never asked for divorce, so Harry rely on him, although tens of people were around Harry, Louis was the only one who matters to him. 

When they returned back inside, visiting hours started, Harry was asleep most of the times, he didn't react with anyone, except when Zayn entered , he smiled slowly and then returned back to sleep again. 

When Louis entered Harry's room, he was asleep, he slowly sat by him on the chair, and he looked at him, he remembered the exact moment, 10 years ago. 

Harry was in his worst cases, the chemo drained all his powers and he had to get in the hospital for a week, and through all this week Louis didn't leave his side, he was sleeping with him in the hospital on the couch, no matter how Anne and Jade tried to convince him to back home, Harry was sleeping all the time, he didn't even now that Louis was there by him till he left the hospital, but Louis stayed , he was watching him in case he woke up alone, he will be afraid and sad, and Louis wont let this happen, he spent hours singing for him the songs Harry loved, and right now there was a song in his mind, Harry's favourite back then, Louis smiled at the memory, and he slowly held Harry's hand, and looked at his face, that baby face ten years ago turned to this breath taken handsome man, he earned tan, and that killing jaw, he smiled again , Harry always said he will turn to be more handsome than him, well he was right, Harry is handsome ,loving, caring, successful person, he didn’t deserve to die. 

He sang softly

YOU LIGHT THE SKYIES UP ABOVE ME  
A STAR TO BRIGHT YOU BLIND ME  
DON'T CLOSE YOUE EYES  
DON'T FADE AWAY  
DON'T FADE AWAY  
YEAH YOU AND ME WE CAN RIDE ON A STAR  
IF YOU STAY WITH ME BABE, WE CAN RULE THE WORLD  
YEAH YOU AND ME WE CAN LIGHT UP THE SKY  
IF YOU STAY BY MYSIDE WE CAN RULE THE WORLD

He wiped his tears away, kissed his hand and slowly left the room, but his heart and his mind didn't leave. 

After Louis giving the ride to Anne and Gemma, and both of them wished him a happy birthday, HE headed towards his home, it was too late, and he was so exhausted, once he opened the door, he smelled a beautiful smell, and then he panicked, he promised Ben he will come home early, and Ben cooked for them, Louis moved towards the kitchen , and there on the table were untouched food, two glasses, one clean and the other had some drink remains, candles, and at the middle there was a wrapped box, his birthday present, it really looked beautiful, and it hurt. 

Louis unwrapped the present and it was a lovely hoodie Louis saw almost three months ago, Ben remembered, and Ben brought it

Louis took a deep breath, and looked for Ben In front TV, there was nothing, then he entered the bedroom, and there he was

On the bed, sleeping, Louis felt bad, ashamed, he couldn't keep doing this to Ben, this had to stop, he had to confront himself, he had to make the choice, a choice he knew will hurt someone.

Louis took his shower, and he cleaned the kitchen , and then he went for bed, he lied his back, and then he felt a movement beside him

“ you are back?” Ben whispered

“ yeah baby..” then he kissed his shoulder “ I am so sorry for tonight.. but I got busy and...” he has nothing to say “ I am really sorry..”

“ it's okay.. everything is fine?”

Louis was really ashamed “ yeah.. thanks for the hoodie I love it..”

Ben without turning to him “ yeah... happy birthday, good night then..”

Louis wasn’t shocked he knows he is sad  
disappointed, he was disappointed himself, Ben doesn't deserve a broken heart  
****

For the next three days , everything was nearly the same, but Harry was getting better, was talking, staying awake for much longer, but his memory still confused anyway, Ben was weird , when Louis told him he can't go with him to his family, Ben didn't fight, he just accepted , spoke nothing, and then went back to sleep.

At the last day of the year, Louis and Harry were together, Harry was much better, started walking with help, started talking and focusing, the visiting hours became longer, Louis stayed with him much longer. 

“ Lou, what is this?” he pointed at Louis's ring, he was frowning trying to remember

Louis was hesitated, Harry “ where is our ring?”

“ I ... I lost it... so you brought me this..”

Harry smiled, then rested his head on the pillow “ I want to remember..”

“ you will baby.. just give it time..”

Harry sighed, closed his eyes and remained silent,  
“ do you want to sleep?”

“ I am always sleeping..”

Louis knows Harry is getting depressed, Louis “ we can watch TV"

“ no"

“ okay.. what do you want?”

“ go home..”

“ Harry you know.. you still need to be observed. “

“ Mom is negative too..”

Louis didn’t know that, and he could not believe they told him that, Harry opened his eyes

“ they thought I was asleep.. but I heard them talking.”

Louis nodded, he was scared, his mom wasn't positive, Gemma still didn't do the swap, Harry must be terrified now

“ there is still-"

Harry stopped him “ she blames herself.”

“ she is scared baby.”

Harry almost crying “ I don't want this.”

Louis held his hand “ baby... don't lose hope now.. I know you are in pain.”

And Harry cried, he was in pain, it was all over his face ,he never complained but he didn't have to

Louis wiped Harry's tear with his finger “ stop crying..”

“ look at me..” he was angry now

Louis didn’t talk, Harry again “ look at me.”

“ I am"

“ I am a beast..” he looked exhausted, pale face , chapped lips , his head has a big dressing, but not a beast, never

“ you are not.. you didn’t even lose your hair.”

“ yet... I didn’t lose my hair yet..”, he then rested his head again at the pillow,

“ I am angry Lou..”

Louis nodded “ I know.”

Harry whispered “ why?”

Louis only kissed his hand, he doesn't know why, no one actually have an answer for that

Harry closed his eyes “ sing for me..”

Louis looked at him, but Harry didn't, his eyes were closed, he was in pain, he was angry, and he was depressed

Louis didn't know how to make it easy, how to ease his pain and mend his heart

Then

I CAN'T UNFEEL YOUR PAIN  
I CAN'T UNDO WHAT'S DONE  
I CAN'T SEND BACK THE RAIN  
BUT IF I COULD I WOULD  
YEAH, MY ARMS ARE OPEN  
SO WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER ROUND OF BEING  
BROEKN... MY ARMS ARE OPEN  
“ Harry started crying now"  
AND WHEN YOU ARE LOSING FAITH AND EVERY DOOR AROUND YOU KEEPS  
CLOSING... MY ARMS ARE OPEN

Harry's tears were all over his face, he still refused to open his eyes, Louis was crying too

“ who sang this?” Harry asked

Louis smiled “ the script.”

Harry smiled too “ I figured.”

Louis kissed his hand, Harry whispered  
“ I love you Lou..”

Louis nodded “ I know..”

But Harry didn't speak after that, he just lied there , and no one knew what was in his mind

*****  
An hour later Harry was deep sleeping, Louis had to drink something, so he went outside the room and moved to the cafeteria, Zayn was on his way

He met Dr Payne in his way, and Dr Payne asked him for a drink, Louis couldn’t t say no, he needed to talk about Harry anyway

In the cafeteria, sitting Louis and Liam together  
“ he is doing better, all his vitals are okay. his wound is clean..” said Liam

Louis nodded “ yeah.. he walks now too"

Liam “ that's perfect.. he is a fighter.”

Louis nodded, Liam “ what is wrong?”

Louis shrugged “ his mom result was negative.. so am I..”

Liam nodded “ it takes time.. and as long as everything is controlled so no needs to worry.”

Louis sighed “ he is .. so depressed.”

“ it happens.. his body is under a lot of pressure.. the surgery wasn't easy..”

Louis looked at him “ you never said that before..”

Liam smiled “ I was honest I told you all the risks... all the complications but I can't tell a family member that the patient will be depressed and will suffer most of the time.. you will believe I try to make you refuse the surgery..”

Louis nodded “ I feel sorry for him. “

Liam nodded “ I am glad you stick for him. he needs you... you were the first word he said.”

Louis only nodded, and said nothing

****

Harry was sleeping in his room, when the door was opened and someone entered 

Harry asked “ Lou?”

“ no.. not Lou..”

Harry looked at the man, and he couldn't recognize him, the man walked towards the bed

“ my name is Ben Winchester.. do you remember?”  
No he can't

Harry was getting scared, he looked at the door for any rescue,

Ben smiled “ I won't hurt you Harry. although last year we were the best enemies. oh wait a second you remember nothing from last year.”

Harry was looking at the man trying to remember, he believes he saw him before

Ben stopped in front the bed “ take a close look... anything?”

Harry didn't speak

“ you know what. I don't believe you. it is a good show really... you almost had me.”

Harry whispered “ who are you?”

Ben looked at him furiously “ I am someone you did your best last year to destroy him..”

Harry said shockingly “ I don't even know you. “

Ben tried his best to control his anger “ wrong. you know me. oh you know me well..”

He then looked at the heart monitor beside Harry  
“ you know I prayed for you to die so you can leave us alone..” he Then looked at Harry

“ I thought that was the only way , you are gone he is free"

He chuckled sarcastically “ I was wrong.. you signed the paper, but he will never be free, and I tried to understand. I pretend I do understand, but he keeps break my heart over and over again... because of you.”

Harry was looking at him confused , but there was a feeling in his heart, a thought in his mind, a memory that he tried his best to not believe

“ and I don't know why.. really , I mean you cheated on him...”

And now Harry remembered, he gasped and then the monitor of his heart peeped faster 

Ben smiled “ yes, now you remember, you know what Harry?"

Then he walked the room “ they were worried if you knew the truth you will collapse.. but actually  
I really don't care. you took something from me and I want it back..”

Harry whispered “ we are divorced.”

Ben looked at him, the clapped his hands “ bravo... bravo and guess what! we are engaged. actually we are getting married next February..”

Harry was breathing fast, now he got it, but he didn't want to believe it,

“ he is stuck with you again, with your cancer and drama.. don't get me wrong I feel sorry for you. but he doesn't belong here anymore.. he is not yours..”

Harry closed his eyes now and let the tears fall, Ben looked at him

“ yeah.. it hurts but you deserve this Harry, cause you hurt him bad and I was there for him, collected the broken pieces, piece by piece, and made him whole again.. for me.. just for me, I didn't mend him so you can break him again Harry.. no"

Harry “ please just go..”

Ben nodded “ I will , there is no need for me anyway.. I just came to open your eyes.. and here you are knowing that he can't stay..”

Ben slowly walked out of the room feeling nothing reallt, but he did what he had to do, and he was relieved,  
*****  
When Louis entered the room ten minutes later, with Zayn, Harry was crying, Louis rushed frantically to his side

“ what happened..”

He wanted to touch him, but Harry yanked his hand  
“ Harry what is wrong..”

“ you lied ..” Harry yelled

Zayn trying to touch him “ calm down Harry..”

Harry looking at him, eyes full of anger “ you all lied..”

Louis “ Harry what is the wrong..”

Harry looked at him “ we are not together anymore,you lied we are divorced..”

And Louis gasped, he stepped back one step to absorb what was said

Zayn looked at louis for an explanation,  
Louis “ I wanted to tell you..”

“ when? oh God... that was your engagement ring..” he looked at his finger

Louis almost crying now “ I was going to tell you when you are-.”

Harry yelled “ what? Healed... because I am not getting better any time soon. or did you wait for my brain to work again.. how could you do this. God I am so stupid..”

Then he rested his head on the pillow raising both hands to hide unseen pain

Zayn eyes full of dread now“ Harry ... please"

Harry looked at Zain “ you all lied... you think I am weak. you all stayed there watching me and deceived me..”

Louis was getting closer again “ it doesn't matter I am here now..”

Harry looking furiously “ you are here because you feel sorry for me..”

” no"

“ yes..”

Zayn “ no one feels sorry for you Harry, we are here because we love you..”

“ love? How this is love. he is getting married next February..”

Zayn still trying to calm him “ where did you got this from..”

Louis whispered “ Ben..” Ben was the only one who suggested that date, no one knew, Louis even didn't say yes for this date

Harry looked at him eyes full of tears “ get out..”

Louis “ please don't do this..”

Harry looked at Zayn “ get out... get out all of you.”

Louis wad crying “ Harry listen to me.. please.”

Harry yelled again and it hurt him  
“ get the fuck out of here..” and his head was killing him, he squeezed his eyes shut “ it hurts..”

Zayn and Louis frantically getting closer, no one cared about what he said seconds ago

Louis “ baby.. what hurts.”

Harry couldn't open his eyes, he was breathing fast, his heart was going crazy,

Zayn “ I will get his doctor" he ran outside the room  
Louis patted on Harry’s knee, trying to soothe him by drawing circles by his finger on his hip  
“ it hurts bad..”

“ I am so sorry baby..”

“ oh God..” he was in a terrible pain, he cried and then screamed, and that's can be a good thing, ever, his whole body doubled in order to decrease the pain, and Louis was terrified, he never saw him this way, he tried to touch his shoulder, but Harry was tensed, he was shaking out of pain, then.

Dr Payne showed, following by nurses, and Louis found himself leaving the room

When Dr Payne left Harry's room 10 minutes later, Louis and Zayn were waiting for him, they were paler than ever

Liam smiled “ he is okay..”

Zayn “ what happened?”

“ it's very normal... he just get stressed out and his headache got worse..”

“ so there is nothing?”

“ no.. not at all, he is asleep now and he will be for a long time, the stress knocked him down..”

Louis was speechless, he was scared, nervous, he suddenly excused himself and stormed to the bathroom, and he threw his guts up, his mind was paralyzed, Harry was in so much pain, because of the lie, the lie Louis wanted so badly to believe.

*****/  
The next a few hours, Anne and Gamma came, and they were so upset when they knew what happened,  
Louis refused to leave until Harry wakes up, it happened almost at the midnight, Anne entered first to ask if Louis can see him, a minute later she was out apologizing politely , Harry didn't want to see anyone, only Anne and Gemma were allowed. 

Louis kind of expected that, the look in Harry's eyes, the disappointment, Harry felt deceived, Harry again wanted to build that wall between him and Louis,  
Louis and Zayn finally decided to get home, Zayn didn't talk, he was angry at Louis, and he can’t blame him really, Zayn wanted to tell Harry the truth, but Louis refused and insisted that he is the one who tells Harry when time comes, but time never comes,  
When Louis entered his flat, he was angry, too angry at Ben, and he didn't expect to find him sitting at the dark 

Louis was taking off his jacket when he heard some noises behind him, Ben was sitting in the dark in the chair at the corner, Louis couldn't see him at the start , he looked at where he was and it was so dark  
“ Ben?”

But there was no answer  
“ what are you doing in the dark?”

“ waiting for you..”

Louis was getting closer, and then suddenly the light was opened, and Louis gasped

Ben was sitting on the chair, wearing a tuxedo, and in his hand there was a gun

Louis shocked“ Ben.. what is this?”

Ben was staring at him, he didn't talk  
“ why there is a gun in your hand..”

“you will break up with me.”

Louis was nervous “ give me the gun..” he walked towards Ben, but Ben levelled the gun towards  
Louis, Louis stopped walking 

“ are you gonna shoot me?”

Ben smiled “ maybe.... then shoot myself so no one wins..” he wasn't talking normally. Louis looked at the table beside him and he saw an empty bottle  
“ you are drunk"

Ben looked beside him “ you mean this... maybe... but this is the way it is long time okay..but of course you didn't notice"

Louis was getting scared now “ okay.why don't you put the gun aside so we can talk.”

“ talk?wow.. now you wanna talk.” he laughed “ what happened to him when he knew..”

“ Ben... put the gun down.”

Ben only sighed, then he put it down, Ben “ okay.. let's talk. why are you still with him?”

“ Ben we talked... he needs help.”

Ben stood up yelling “ I need help..”

Louis startled, Ben waving with his gun , he yelled again “ I need help.. look at me, have you been looking at me recently..”

“ okay okay... just calm down please..”

“ calm down? you are leaving me for him after all he did to you.v you choose him again.”

“ I didn't choose, I had to..”

“ no... you wanted this ,and what about me. you let me alone struggling after all I have done for you. and you still want him back..”

Louis was trying to control himself now, he was nervous, his hands were shaking, Ben was crazy, he never saw him like this, and what about that gun

Louis “ give me the gun Ben..”

“ no.. no”

“ it's okay.. just give it to me"

“it's not okay.. you stopped loving me"

“ no, no baby I don't..”

Ben wad crying now “ you do. the minute he signed the paper, your feelings changed.. you never wanted him to sign them.. you.. you love him"

Louis begged “ Ben, please just give me the gun..”

Ben levelled the gun again yelling “ you love him..”

Louis yelled “ I don't know... okay...I just don't"

Ben yelling “ you do.. you did and you will, no matter what I do to you , you think of him, you are thinking of him all the time...”

“ you are wrong. “

Ben shook his head “ I am right Lou.. I'm always right, and I don t deserve this... I love you... I can't do this.. I can't “ he cried again

“ I love you too" Louis said crying, Ben lost his mind, and Louis was the reason

“ stop lying. just stop... you know what .. I kept thinking.. if he died you will finally love me but I was wrong... I was.. cause you will always love him..”

Then he looked at the ground, tried to stop himself from crying, and Louis knew what he was thinking,  
Louis slowly“ Ben.. give me the gun..”

“why he should die..”

“ Ben..”

“ he is already dying and you are still with him..”

“ Ben , please, don t do this. “

“ and I can't live like this..”

Louis was walking towards him slowly “ Ben"

“ it hurts Louis.. it does"

Louis getting closer,  
“ you should be together..”

Closer  
“ and I should stay away..”

And it happened in a second, Ben raised his gun and pointed it to his head, Louis jumped on him, they both fell on the floor,

BANG

And then everything was silent, Louis and Ben on floor, both not moving, it was dark, it was silent and there was blood. 


	10. Chapter 10

Louis was sitting in their large kitchen bar, holding his phone in his hands, watching few pics over and over again

Harry with his long curls sitting with a random man in a night club, Harry with the same man walking hand in hand in the street, Harry again with the man entering a hotel, Harry with different clothes with the same man dancing, Harry with the clothes he wore tonight entering with the man a night club

“ you are up early..”

Harry said entering the kitchen , he seemed shocked, he was still in his clothes from last night, he was exhausted, looking at Louis trying to hide something

“ didn't sleep..” Louis answered staring at him,  
Harry nodded and then walked to the fridge and opened the door, put out a small bottle of water and drank avoiding Louis

“ I tried to call you..” Louis started

“ my phone was dead..” Harry answered dryly

“ I was worried..”

“ told you not to wait..” Harry walking outside the kitchen,

“ where have you been?”

And Harry stopped walking, he slowly turned to face Louis, then he said

“ with friends..”

Louis nodded “ how come you never introduce me?”

Harry shrugged “ not your type..” said carelessly

Louis nodded again, he left his seat, and he took his phone and gave it to Harry, Harry looked at  
Louis and then he took the phone and saw the photos  
At the start he didn't talk, he then gave the phone back to Louis who was staring at him trying to read anything  
Harry avoided looking, and that upset Louis

“ explain..”

“ he is a friend"

Louis was getting mad “ okay... do you always take your friend to hotels and spending the night with them.”

Louis yelled " have you slept with him yet."

Harry sighed “ what do you want Louis?”

Louis furiously “ explain this"

“ who sent you this anyway..”

Louis yelled “ explain Harry.” but Harry didn't talk

“ you are cheating... I know you are... since when?”  
Harry looked at him, he wanted to say something but he didn't, Louis “ since Paris?.”

nothing

Louis yelled “ it has been three months Harry.”

Harry looked away, Louis “ say something God damn it! ”

Harry looked at him eyes full if tears “ what do you want me to say? .”

“ what is happening to you... you stopped talking to me, you stopped staying at home, changing night clubs everyday. what is going on, who is this man?”

Harry shook his head, Louis “ I deserve to know.. what I did?”

Harry wiped his tears away “ it's not you.“

“ what is your problem... why?”

Harry took a deep breath “ I am sorry.”

Louis shook his head in disbelief “ no.”

Harry looked at the floor, Louis yelled “ are you ? look at me... look at me.. you are cheating?!.”

Harry was still avoiding looking and that drove Louis crazy, he pushed Harry “ are you? ”

Harry didn't look at him, Louis pushed again “ say something.”

Still not talking , Louis finally “ I don't deserve this, I don't-”  
He chuckled sarcastically “ when Ben told me I didn't believe him. I thought you had an explanation..”

Harry finally looked at Louis, Louis “ yeah.. Ben told me, Ben who you hate the most. I guess I know now why, cause he knows who you really are.I can't believe I am that blind. how could you, why?”

“ I am sorry"

Louis shook his head angrily “ no... no you are not sorry, you are only sorry cause you got caught. if you are sorry you would come and talk to me, you will tell me what the problem so we can fix it.how could you Harry? we have history together .” his voice cracked saying the last word

Louis looked at Harry, Harry was crying, Louis was crying too, that was the end, Louis knew that day that what history they had together it was over now, and it really hurt

End of flashback .

*****

Present day

Peep.... peep.... peep

That continues sound that wake Louis up, he opened his eyes really slowly, white ceiling he saw, there were other sound in the place he was in,

“I... he...wak...” a muffled female voice , then a blurred face showed above him

“ yeah yea he is... go call his doctor..” same voice , he guessed

“ okay.. okay..” a male voice

Then his vision became clear, Lottie?

Lottie his sister was looking at him smiling  
“ welcome back..”

Then Gigi's face showed too smiling “ can you hear us ?”

Lottie examining his face “ I think he is not.”

Gigi gigglec “ do you think he became deaf.”

“maybe. he is not responding..” both looking at him weirdly

Louis finally said “ shut up..”

The girls laughed, Lottie “ welcome back old brother.”

Gigi wondering “ do you know who you are?”

Lottie looked at her “yeah, he fell on his head. do you think he lost it?”

The girls looked at him again examining, Louis “ I am Louis.. now leave me alone.”

Then he heard other voices, male voices, and when he looked at the source, there were Zayn and a man in white, his doctor. 

The doctor examined Louis, and he was okay, his memory, his vision, everything was ok, he asked him a couple of question, told him what happened, then he left giving Zayn and Lottie some instructions

Gigi sat by him , she said softly “ how do you feel?”

Louis smiled “ like being shot.”

She nodded “ I am sorry for that... what happened?”

Louis then suddenly frowned “ where is Ben is he okay?”

Zayn answered getting closer “ he ran.”

Louis was confused, Zayn “ he shot you and ran awy.”

Louis shook his head “ he didn't shot me.”

Zayn impatiently ” he did-”

“ no.”

Gigi raised her hand to stop them “ okay... what happened?”

Louis sighed “ he wanted to shot himself.” Gigi and Lottie gasped, Louis “ I stopped him. so what happened next?”

Zayn was still shocked “ I don't know.. your neighbours heard the gun fire, and when they got you, you were alone.. unconscious, no sign for Ben.”

Louis nervous “ oh God! . “

Lottie sat by him and patted on his shoulder , louis “ he wanted to kill himself because of me..” he almost cried

Lottie “ it's okay.”

Gigi “ why?”

Louis looked at her “ he thinks I will dump him for Harry. he was drunk.. God.. we need to find him, he will hurt himself.”

Zayn shook his head “ no.. we would know if something wrong happened.”

Louis shook his head “ no Zayn.. he will hurt himself.”

“ no.. it was four days ago.. if he killed himself we would now.”

Louis shocked “ four days.”

Lottie nodded she said almost crying “ yes Lou.. you were shot in your shoulder and you bled a lot”

Louis looked at her, and then he put his hand on hers,  
Zayn “ I called his brother.. and he said he will keep looking for him"

Louis nodded “ he didn't try to kill me.”

Zayn patted his leg “ I know now, everything will be okay.”

Then Gigi stood up “ we will come back later.”

Zayn nodded “ yeah.. we will just check on Harry. okay.”

Louis only nodded “ he is okay?”

“ getting better..”

And then they both moved outside the room, after both giving him a worm hugs

Louis looked at Lottie, she said “ what were you thinking?”

Louis sighed “ he was going to kill himself. he did pulled the trigger Lottie and I won't let this happen... not because of me..”

She cried “ you almost died Lou. you were unconscious for four days.”

He looked at her softly, she said “ you cant leave us too"

He embraced her, and tried to calm her “ stop crying, I am not going any where.. shhh"

She nodded, he said “ where are your sisters?"

She looked at him “ they don't know. I told them about Harry and they are already terrified, I couldn't..”

“ have you seen him?”

Lottie nodded “ I did.. actually , he came here to see you.”

Louis shocked “ he did?”

Lottie nodded “ he insisted.. no one could stop him.”

Louis didn't talk, what did it mean, did he forgive him or what?

“ he was worried about you..”

Louis looked at Lottie “ I am worried about him.”

Lottie nodded “ Gemma's result is still unknown"

“ she made the test?”

“ so did I.. I still haven't received the result.” she looked nervous

Louis smiled “it's okay.. you didn't have too”

Lottie shook her head crying “ no, no I wanted to.. I mean he is Harry after all, although he hurts you badly, but “ she shrugged “ I don t know but I love him. he has been a part of our lives for so long, I still can't believe why he did this..”

Louis sighed “ he was confused Lottie .. and.. he wasn't thinking.”

Lottie looked at him mouth opened , then “ you are actually defending him?”

Louis slowly nodded “ I understand now Lottie... I know why he did it"

“ why?”

“ he knew about his cancer, and he was scared, he didn't want to tell me and his mind tricked him that staying away from me was the best way to deal with his cancer”

“ that was more than a year, Lou" , he nodded

Lottie shocked “-he knew all this time?”

“ he did"

“ and still not treated?”

Louis sighed again “ he.. he refused the treatment. he never knew what was exactly wrong, all he knew was his cancer back, that's all..”

Lottie nodded deep thinking, then “ crab... I should have known"

Louis looked at her “ what!!”

Lottie looked at him shocked more “ I should have known.”

“ tell me..”

She wiped her falling tears “ oh God... ok but don't get mad.. I mean you were already mad.”

Louis losing his patience “ Lottie.”

“ okay.. okay after sending him the papers , your divorce paper I mean , he came to us. he was drunk  
Lou... it was late, and he scared the girls.”

“ he would never hurt the girls.”

“ I know. but he was crying. he begged me to talk to you, he told me he will die if you left him and then he ... he almost fainted or I don't know he was drunk Lou, I was scared, I asked him to leave or call the police. he was so exhausted, and pale and..” she cried “ God and I asked him to leave.. I was angry I yelled at him.”

“ it's okay..”

Lottie was still crying “ no, no I should have known. he begged me Louis.”

He patted on her hand again and then he embraced her tightly whispering “ not your fault “ over and over again. 

******

Louis spent two other days at the hospital, he was doing okay really, everything was doing better, except for Ben, there was no sign for him, and that scared Louis and the guilt he feels was getting bigger and bigger with time, he was the reason Ben lost his mind, he was the reason Ben tried to kill himself, and now he is missing and no one can find him, and that was driving Louis crazy. 

Harry on the other hand was getting better, he can walk by himself now, the pain was better, he can handle it, he was regaining his shape again, but still his doctor refuses to sign him off the hospital, he still need to stay to be observed and he really fed up.

He was in his room with Gigi , she was reading for him and he was closing his eyes trying to focus, but he really can't ,he was angry, angry angry

Gigi finally put the book down “ okay.. what is wrong? ”

He opened one eye looking at her confused, she said “ you are mad.”

He sighed and opened his both eyes “ I am. but I am listening.”

“ I can't read to you while you are huffing every two seconds.”

He argued “ I am not.”

She left her chair “ any way. I have to leave. I have a plan to catch in less than two hours.”

He hit his bed with his fist roaring, she looked at him wearing her jacket “ I know how you feel"

“ no you don't.. no one knows.”

Gigi nodded “ okay I don't. but I feel you.. I am sorry but I know this will pass, you will he okay again and you will do everything you want.”

He looked at her then he nodded “ thank you.”

She kissed him on her cheek “ I will call you everyday.”

He smiled “ where is your boyfriend anyway.. I haven’t seen him lately.”

She nodded “ yeah.. he is stuck with louis.”

Harry nodded “ is he really okay? ”

“ yeah.. he is totally fine.I think he is leaving today or tomorrow maybe..”

Harry nodded but didn’t talk, Gigi “ what's wrong?”

Harry shrugged “ he didn’t call me “

She smiled “ yeah.. he is so confused. he was shot Harry and he cant control his nerves.. but I am sure he will come soon"

“ yeah, he will..”

Gigi left Harry alone, he can't hide it anymore, he expected Louis to call him , although he asked him not to, but Harry was shocked , he expected him to come to apologize, to say anything, he was worried if he was still mad at him.

Harry tried to visit Louis again, but his doctor refused intensely, he can't leave the hospital again, it was risky the first time and they won't do it again.

Gemma entered the room , and once Harry saw her he knew something was wrong, he knew exactly what was wrong, her eyes were puffed, she was crying and Gemma barely cry.

She sat by him without any talking, he avoided looking at him, Harry nodded, yeah he was sure now, he tried to control his voice

“ it's okay..”

She shook her head and started crying , he placed his hand on hers “ don't cry.. it's okay.. it's okay”

She cried harder, and then she hugged him “ I am so sorry.”

Harry was patting her back, tears filled his eyes too “ no, no it's not your fault.”

Gemma still crying “ I prayed Harry.I prayed that it will match..”

“ it's okay.”

“ I let you down.  
”

“ it's okay.. no you didn’t.”

Gemma looked at him “ I can't lose you.”

He tried to smile “ you won't.”

Gemma wiped her tears away “ I am so scared.”

Harry nodded “ I am sorry.. I am so sorry.. you didn't have to go through this.”

“ you are my brother... I would do anything for you.”

He nodded “ I love you. please don't blame yourself for this I am already in the system. they will find me a donor soon.. it will be okay.”

She nodded “ I am sorry..”

“ stop... just stop saying this. it's not your problem, not mom , not dad, not anyone, so let's just pray and hope for the best okay.”

She nodded, and then she hugged him again. 

Harry was scared, it's true he refused to be treated for nearly a year and a half, but he feels now he wants to, now he has Louis back, he wants to live, now he has another reason for life, even if his family was negative, he still prays for a miracle.

Gemma had to leave London that night, she had work and she already took her holidays, so she must get back, Anne didn't leave, she will stay with Harry talking a good care for him, Harry was grateful, but he really wished to get back home with Louis, he misses him , and he wants him now.   
*****

The door was opened late at night, Harry wasn't expecting anyone. His mom left an hour ago, and he was left alone as usual

When Harry looked at the door, he was pleased, he smiled widely, adjusting his bed in the sitting position

Louis get closer smilingng too “ how are you Harry..”  
Harry still smiling “ how are you?I miss you.are you okay.?"

Louis sat by him on the bed “ I am ok.”

Harry looked at where his wound is under his clothes, slowly he touched it “ does it hurt?”

Louis smiled and then kissed Harry's hand “ it's fine. you know how strong I am..”

Harry nodded, his eyes were full of tears “ I was worried.”

Louis frowned “ no, no don't.”

“ I am so sorry.. I tried to see again but everyone refused..”

“ that was stupid Harry, I am glad you didn't do it again.. if something bad happened to you I wont forgive myself”

Harry smiled wiping his tears away “ I am sorry for earlier.. I was ..” he sighed “ I don’t know what I was..”

Louis patted his hand “ it's okay baby. it was my fault. I should have told you.”

Harry shook his head “ you were trying to protect me..”

“ what's done is done.. now tell me, how do you feel?”

Harry nodded “ okay. I guess I feel better.”

“ good, good...” then he looked away

Harry wondering , he was straring at Louis “ are you okay?”

Louis looked at him trying to smile “ I need to tell you something..”

Harry frowning “ okay..”

“ do you know when will you leave ?”

Harry shook his head “ I don t know. maybe next week.. but I am dying here, mom wants to stay with me but I want.. you..”

Louis was looking, but he didn’t smile , Harry started to get worry “ okay.. what's wrong? you don’t want to stay with me?”

Louis shook his head “ no baby , of course I want to..”

“ but..”

“ but I cant.. I need to look for Ben.”

Harry was completely shocked, he left Louis's hand “ what!!”

Louis was trying to explain “ he needs help.”

Harry still shocked and confused “ he shot you. “

“ he didn't..”

“ he did.. you almost died.”

Louis impatiently “ listen Harry.. he didn’t okay.. he tried to kill himself because of me”

“ what are you talking about.. are you leaving me? ”

Louis shook hia head “ no, I am not, but I have to find him..”

“ why?”

“ he needs help Harry.. he tried to kill himself , he thought we will back again"

“ aren't we?”

Louis sighed “ I need to find him Harry, I need to make sure he is okay..”

Harry wiped his tears, ha said with cracking sound “ and then what? you will leave him for me.”

“ I will help him..”

Harry angrily “ then what!!! I don't understand... you left me for him , then you left him for me and then you are leaving me again-"

“ I didn't leave you for him..”

“ you did..” yelling

“ no, you cheated Harry.. “ and then they both stopped talking

Louis calmed “ you have to understand. I can't let him hurting himself.”

Harry shook his head “ he hurt you..”

“ he needs help"

Harry yelled“ I need help.”

“ he has no one..”

Harry bit his lower lip, trying to stop his tears, Louis “ I need you to understand..”

Harry looked at him crying “ but I need you.”

“ and I will be back. I will find him and get back..”

“ so you are spinning the country looking for him..”

Louis smiled “I think I know where he is, he needs help.. I can't..”

Harry cried again “ you dont have to be a superhero for everyone, you can be my superhero. I cant do this alone..”

Louis sighed again “ Harry I am not leaving, we are still waiting for Gemma's result right?  
Everything will be okay.. “

“ you are leaving me again..”

Louis shook his head “ I am not.. he is still my fiancee Harry. “

Harry shook his head in disbelief “ then what do you want from me?”

“ I am ... I am telling you..”

Harry nodded “ okay.. go..”

“ Harry..”

“ just go...we are not together, he is your fiancee.you love him"

“ don't do this , please.. I don't"

Harry looked at him “ I don't really understand you.. he shot you.. and left you alone bleeding.. and you still want to help him..”

“ he did a mistake.”

Harry angrily “ he left you dying...alone! ”

“ people forgive... I need to make sure he is okay.”

“ I did a mistake before.. you didn’t forgive me! ”

Louis sighed “ it's different..”

“ how different! you asked for a divorce right away.”

“ you singed the paper.”

“ it was a mistake, I thought I can do it alone. but I can't...”

“ it's my fault he tried to kill himself.”

Harry avoided looking at him “ then go.. I am not stopping you... just go"

Louis was crying now “ please..”

“ it's okay.. but I am not waiting for you..”

Louis confused “ what fo you mean..”

But Harry stopped , he didn't talk, he said nothing, he just crossed his arms and lookec at his lap, tears falling, Louis just kissed him,and he left crying too  
Louis wanted to save them both, Harry the love of his life, And Ben, the one who stayed by his side during his darkest times, he oppressed him, and he knows that, and it was the time to make things right, even if they won't make it, even if their relation was already over, but he owns Ben, that all mattered, and he knew Harry will eventually inderstand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you enjoying??????


	11. Chapter 11

When Louis left Harry to look for Ben, he knew it was another mistake, but he felt it was the right thing, he didn't know it will take much time, he thought it will be only a couple of days.. but he was wrong, three weeks and still no sign for Ben, Louis looked in every possible place he could be in, he was in contact with Ben's brother round the clock, each were looking separately, but Louis never lost hope.

He was trying to call Harry every day, but Harry never answered, and later he knew Harry stopped using any phone, he didn't want to talk to Louis or to anyone, he knew from Anne that Harry was so depressed, Gemma was negative, Lottie was negative, and that was really scary,

Anne told him she called Harry's father and they were still waiting for the results,

Zayn on the other hands refused to talk to Louis as well, he was angry at him and he didn't like Louis leaving Harry this way to look for a man who almost killed him, Louis understands how Zayn thinks, he loves Harry, he hates Ben, no needs to tell whose side he will take, plus Harry was literally in danger too, no donor was found yet, and he barely survived a brain surgery, actually if Louis took one other day to think he will stick with Harry, but he still feels it was the right thing to do, something inside him needs to see Ben again

Anne and Gigi were the only two who was giving him the news, Anne was calling him crying for hours, Harry refuses to talk, to eat, she believes Harry wants to die, and no one could change his mind

It was the last call between Louis and Anne yesterday, she cried and begged him to help, Harry disappeared again, she woke up and there was no sign for Harry, she was terrified, and Louis was scared himself.

Also today he was going to look in the last place he could think of, all the information he gathered through this journey was leading to this place, Ben was always one step ahead, and that was enough motive for Louis to find him, he was at least alive

Louis promised Anne he will come back next morning, and promised himself if he didn't find Ben, he will stop looking, he has now to find Harry, Harry must be found to be okay

It was after midnight, in front of a nightclub at the west of England, Louis was inside his car, obviously waiting for someone, his eyes were staring at the entrance of the club when his phone rang, when he looked at the ID, it was unknown, but he answered anyway 

“ hello..”

No one answered  
“ hello...”

Still nothing, Louis looked again at the ID, then again but nervously “ hello..”

Nothing, but the sound of someone crying, Louis was getting scared “ who is this...”

His mind was racing , only someone whimpered,  
“ Lottie? Is that you.”

But no Lottie called him thirty minutes ago,  
Then he gasped “ Harry?”

The whimper got louder, “ is that you baby? What's wrong Harry.. are you okay.. are you in pain..”

The whimper tunred into sobs , Louis was so confused  
“ oh God.. are you alone.. where are you..”

Then the line was off, and Louis was left shocked for a couple of seconds, he hastily tried to call the same number but there was no answer, he tried to call Zayn next as usual Zayn didn't answer, he was getting angry, when he looked in front of him trying to think, he saw Ben.

Ben was getting out if the club, heading towards a car, obviously his, Louis looked at the phone then at the car, his heart was racing , he needs to save them both,  
He sent a text message to Zayn, and hastily leaving his car, he stormed to Ben, and he stopped in front of his car, breathing fast, Ben was going to get in his car when he noticed Louis, and he froze.

Ben didn’t move for a minute, he was staring at Louis, and then slowly he walked towards him and hugged him tightly, and everything in Louis's mind was blank, he thought Ben needed to be saved, he thought he will find him and he will be the one who hugs him, and now he understands why he left Harry looking for Ben, Ben was the one who gives Louis safety, he was the one who gives him strength, Louis didn’t look for Ben to save him, he looked for him to be saved

Ben whispered “ I am sorry.. I am so sorry..”

Louis was sobbing now, Ben “ it's okay.. you are okay..”

Louis looked at Ben eyes, he wanted to talk, he wanted to apologize, but he just couldn't, his mind was shutting down, he was worried, he was panicking now

Ben looked back at him trying to understand “ what happened?”

Louis stuttered “ I was.. looking for you..”

Ben anxiously “ everything is okay..”

Louis cried shaking his head , Ben hugged him tightly “ come here..”

Ben took Louis to his place , it wasn’t far, a small flat in an old building,

They were sitting in the couch, Louis was still trying to call Zayn, he didn't want to call Anne and scare her,  
Ben made them some hot drinks, and he was watching nervous Louis,

Ben “ drink this.. it will calm you down..” he gave him the drink that was on the table in front them,  
" how did you find me anyway..”

Louis only shrugged, Ben smiled “ guess I told you about this place before" he looked around him “ first place I own..”

Louis slowly nodded, Ben sighed, he saw Louis abstraction

“ are you sure it was him?”

Louis shrugged “ who else could be?”

Ben nodded “ he will be okay.. I know he will"

Louis looked at him not talking, Ben looked back and smiled softly “ I never hated him, really , maybe envied him but not hate..”

Louis nodded drinking, Ben “ I never left your side.. when you were shot..”

Louis was confused, Ben nodded smiling  
“ I panicked .. when you were bleeding in front of me I shot you Lou...” he then sighed “ I called the ambulance... I was the neighbour.”

Louis nodded “ it's okay..”

Ben shook his head “ it's not okay.. I wasn't okay. I was losing my mind... I never was this close from being crazy..” he tried to chuckle

He looked at Louis “ it wasn’t your fault.. really..”

Louis didn't believe him, Ben “ it was my fault Lou, I shouldn't do that, I shouldn't get any closer.. you were a couple passing some troubles.. it happens.. I just needed you so badly..”

“ you helped me..”

Ben shook his head “ I didn't. if I wanted to help I would put reason back into your mind. I would convince you to sit and talk to him... I mean you are both madly in love..” Okay.. he has a point here.

“ do you believe in love at first sight?” Louis looked at him and didn’t talk,

“ that what happened with me. I saw you there at the club talking and smiling. I didn't even know you were gay.. but I loved you.. you were like a sun shining the happiness everywhere.. and I needed that..” he smiled , Louis smiled too

“ so I ignored who you were belonging too and tried every possible way to get near you..and my luck was sitting by my side, you were my partner in work. and I thought it was the sign..”

Louis remembered those early days when they met, Ben was a new employer at the company used to work in, they become friends immediately,

“ Harry knows.. he felt the thread, always was trying to protect you and I always wanted to make him nervous all the time. I was trying to win points in your heart while he was losing his..”

Louis smiled “ Harry cheated... it wasn't a competition..”

“ it was for me, I mean the minute you started to get sad and complained about him I stared stalking him.. and when I knew what he was doing I didn't talk to him or stop him.. no I took my evidence and gave it to you on a golden plate, and stayed.. waiting for you to break so I can mend you.”

Louis sighed “ it doesn't change anything.. he cheated..”

Ben looked at him for a few seconds then asked “ do you love him ?”

Louis didn't talk, he didn't know exactly, he forgave him, he wanted him, he loves him madly, but he was afraid to lose him again, Harry was dying and Louis was scared  
“ cause he loves you more than you can imagine, I remember seeing his car outside your old house for hours after you sending him the papers .. I remember he came to me like tens of times asking me to leave you alone.. asking me to put reason back in your mind, he admitted doing a mistake but he wanted you badly to forgive him..”

Louis was crying now, Ben “ you love him Lou, you shouldn’t be here. you are not here because of me.. you are here to make up your mind.. to choose.. and we already know who will you choose..” Louis nodded “ I am scared..”

then he looked at Ben “ he is dying and I am scared.. I can't do this he was sick for long time and I was hard with him.. and now I will have to see him dying and it's just too much.. I cant do anything..  
I cant save him"

Ben lets out a long breath “ you don't have to save him.. you just have to stay with him.. give him the power .. the strength he needs to face what he is living through.. he needs you and you need him more than you think you do.. I mean I've been there and I know.. even if we looked happy.. you were always looking for him.”

“ what if he die?”

“ then make him happy ... he has been miserable for a long time..”

Ben put his hand on his pocket and put out the ring, his engagement ring, Louis looked at Ben he smiled, and Louis also took off his ring from his finger, he didn't cry or anything, he wasn't even sorry, Ben understands

Then Louis's phone rang, finally Zayn  
“ did you find him?” first words Louis said

“ no, what happened?”

Louis looked at Ben who smiled and left the room for him

“ I think he called me.I”

“think?”

“ yes Zayn he didn't talk..”

“ how do you know it was him?”

Louis sighed “ I know okay.. I just do.. he was .. crying Zayn"

“ oh crab... I still don't know where he is.. he doesn't want to be found"

Louis frowned “ are you leaving him?”

“leaving? No Louis.. I will never leave him cause I know how much he needs some one"

Louis didn't talk, Zayn sighed “ did you find Ben?”

“ I did..”

“ is he okay?”

“ yeah.. he is fine"

“ are you coming home then"

“ yeah.. I will be home soon.. Zayn.. we must find him.."

“ I know..”

“ see you soon..”

Louis sighed, he took a deep breath, and now he knows what to do, he will look for Harry, he will find him and he will stay and never leave his side, that what he thought 

******

Next morning, Louis said goodbye to Ben, he apologized again even though Ben told him it wasn’t his fault, Louis felt he has to, Ben wished him a good life, and to call whenever he feels it

Once Louis arrived London, he headed towards Zayn, he wasn't there and he waited for him on stairs, again , and Harry was missing again

When Zayn arrived in front of his door after midnight, he didn't noticed Louis at the start, when  
Louis saw Zayn he gasped, there was a huge bruise on his left eye

“ what happened?”

Louis asked frantically, Zayn startled at the start, his whole body jolted as if he was afraid of getting hit or something, Louis stood up and moved slowly to him  
“ it's just me..”

Zayn sighed, he didn’t talk, was trying to control his breathing again, Louis touched him

“ what's wrong?”

Zayn opened the door and entered followed by Louis, once Zayn was inside his flat, he took off his jacket Louis was still waiting for an answer, Zayn moved to his kitchen and then he sat on the table, Louis was still watching him. He finally said

“I got into a fight..”

Louis nodded, then he sat by him, ,Zayn “ when did you come?”.

Louis frowned but he had to answer “ two hours ago.. maybe..”

Zayn nodded , Louis then sighed and headed towards the fridge, and he opened it and put out some ice and put it on an ice pack that was on the table, he looked at him, Zayn was calm, well he is always calm but he was abnormally calm

“ okay, will you tell me what happened?”

“ I am okay..”

Louis shook his head in disbelief, then he handed him the ice , Zayn took it

“ I called Anne , he called her this morning..”

Louis didn't talk, Zayn sighed putting the ice on his bruise “ he says he is okay with some friends and he is okay..”

“ what friend?”

Zayn only shrugged, Louis “ will he come back?”

“ I don't know.. I don't know why we are even looking..”

Louis raised one brow, Zayn throwing the ice on the table, he was angry

“ he is not a kid, he is a grown adult, he knows what he is doing..”

“ no he is not.. he is lost, he is confused..”

“ wow, since you know all this why did you leave him..”

Louis stopped talking, Zayn “ exactly. everyone here is doing what he wants.. and now I will do what I want.”

“ which is? ”

Zayn leaving his seat “ I won't care anymore.. if he wants to hide then hide.. if you want to run that is your chance Lou..”

“ what are you talking about.. I am not running.”

“ really?”

“yes..”

“ you are not tricking anyone Lou.. Harry is sick again you are panicking.. if you want to run again just go ahead no needs to break his heart again..”

Louis losing his patience “ I’m not running Zayn.. where did you even got that from.”

Zayn didn't answer. Louis “ oh God... he thinks I am running..”

Zayn sighed “ why do you think he hide.?.. he is panicking too, and he was lost when you left, no one matches Louis, not his family not us.. he knows he is in the system but it takes years, he doesn't believe he is that lucky, he didn't want to be treated before but we put hope... you.. you put hope in his heart and then vanished.”

“ I didn't..”

“ you went looking for your fiancee Lou.. what does this suppose to mean? what does it even mean to you..”

“ it means... I... I owed him... he ... he wanted to kill himself why there is no one believes this..” he was hesitated

“ maybe if you believe it we will..”

Louis stopped talking, Zayn took a deep breathing  
“ it 's okay to be scared.. I am scared too..”

Louis nodded “ but you stayed...” Zayn didn't talk , Louis “ he thinks I let him.. he told me he won't be waiting.. he thinks I don't care anymore..”

Zayn didn't talk, Louis looked at him “ but I do I care Zayn. I love him... I love him so much... cheated or not I still love him, and I am fucking scared, I keep seeing him die in my dreams... and that pain in my chest feels so real and it's killing me, I don't know how to save him, okay, .and I can't just watch him die... not again, he doesn't deserve this" he was crying

Zayn nodded, he was crying too, he just walked towards Louis and patted his shoulder “ I  
know... stop running from your feelings.stop choosing the easiest way..” Louis cried harder “ it hurts.”

Zayn nodded “ I know. “

Louis shook his head “ no... no one knows, everyone thinks I stopped caring when I asked for divorce, no one knows how pain I felt in my heart. I love him so much and he cheated.. he let me think he cheated for three months.. he never confronted me, I asked him to do, I should know there was something wrong, Harry never cheats, all these days I wanted him to open his heart to me... why... just to tell me why, I thought when I know I will forgive him or maybe hate him... he apologized for days but never told me why, and when I know... I was ... I don't know .. I was stuck ..”

“ no one knows..”

Louis angry at himself “ I should know.. I am the husband.. I should know him better..”

“ stop Lou... stop blaming yourself. what happened just happened. stop thinking about it. you need to think about tomorrow..”

Louis stopped talking, Zayn “ we will find him.”

“ but you said-.”

Zayn shook his head hastily “ no.. I was angry that's all , I look for this bastard again.. and again and again.. and we will find him , we always do, right? .. even if it gets me killed.. I will"

Louis looked at him shocked , Zayn pointed at his eye  
“ Rodger.”

“ oh God.. he did this.. what happened?”

“ I think he went back to heroin, . I looked for that kid, and I couldn't find him.. so I went to  
Rodger.. got into a fight with one of his man ..” Louis again cursed

“ but I got an address..”

Louis nodded, Zayn “ we will look for him tomorrow..”

“ okay. “ then he looked at his eye “ do you think you need a doctor?”

Zayn shrugged “ I don't know I can't see clearly.”

Louis shook his head in anger, he put out his phone from his pocket, and he called

“ hello Dr Payne... yes.. I am okay.. thank you... my friend here got into a fight and he was hit on his eye..”

“ you didn't see the other man..” Zayn said

Louis looked at him chuckling “ are you in the hospital? really..” he was surprised “ okay.. I will send you the address.. thank you so much..”

He hanged off, Zayn raising his brow “ he is coming?”

Louis writing the text “ yeah.. he just finished his shift..”

Zayn nodded smiling “ okay.”

Louis looked at him “ what?”

Zayn shrugged “ nothing “

“ what?”

“ he likes you..”

“ he has a son..”

Zayn shrugged again,  
Louis “ oh shut up.. wait a minute.. I need to know how do you know Rodger?”

“ oh no.”

“ oh yeah.. yeah.. are you an addict too”.

“ not really.”

Louis crossed his arm on his chest, Zayn sighed and sat back at his chair “ he provided me with ecstasy.”

Louis shocked “ what the fu..”

“ for my anxiety.. relax I stopped long time ago. Harry knows he saw me with him before.”

“ of course he knows.. how do you think he knows him..”

“ relax . I already know okay... calm down I am clean.”

Louis was still starting at him "do your oath " , Zayn laughed “ I swear to God ask Gigi..”

Louis just rubbeb his hair multiple times

“ I need this to stop. I wish last year never happened.”

Zayn slowly nodded" yeah, me too.”

Louis sat by him, Zayn “ let's eat anything.. I am starving..”

“ yeah me too.. pizza sounds good.”

“ pizza it is. “

Zayn left the kitchen to order, and Louis stayed there praying really for the best.


	12. Chapter 12

One hour later, pizza was there, so as Dr Payne, he was exhausted and he barely can open his eyes, he examined Zayn's eye, and everything was okay thanks to god, they asked him to stay and share them the pizza and he couldn't really say no, he was famished. 

While they were eating watching TV, Zayn was on the phone with Gigi, in the kitchen while Dr  
Payne and Louis were sitting on the couch, both tired, and both sleepy

“ how is your son?”

Louis asked trying to stay up  
Liam smiled “ he is okay.. thank you he loves the book I got him from your store..”

“ he is a small artist then..”

Liam smiled “ yeah.. I wish.. he got this from his mom.. he is out town with her at the moment , how is Harry?I thought he will be here..”

Louis shook his head, Liam “ don't tell me he disappeared again?”

“ he did.. we don’t know where he is.”

Liam smiled “ but I know.”

Louis was shocked, Liam looked at him smiling “ he doesn't want to be found.. that's for sure, when he saw me he tried to hide, I didn't bother him and pretend not seeing him..”

Louis absorbing the info “ okay.. where.? ”

“ I think he lives at my building.”

“ what are you talking about? .”

Liam was smiling “ yeah.. great coincidence right.”

“ I don't really know what to say.. are you sure?”

Liam nodded “ I’ve been seeing him for a week now.. I think he does live there.. I don't know which flat.. but he is in one of them.”

Louis nodded thinking, that was weird, how was luck by their side that easy

“ he is not alone though..”

Zayn showed up “ who is not alone..” taking a slice and throwing himself on the chair by them

Louis looked at him “ Harry lives at Dr Payne building"

Liam growling “ Liam..”

Louis still looking at Zayn still shocked “ Liam"

Zayn stopped chewing “ he does?”

Liam “ yeah .. I've seen him a lot recently.. he was trying to avoid me though.”

“ wow.. let's go.”

Liam shrugged “ okay..”

Louis stood up “ okay..”

The three men drove to Liam's house by Liam's car, it was early morning, no one slept for a day, all exhausted and tired, but they gotta find Harry

In side Liam's building, he was talking to his janitor, Louis and Zayn standing nervous , the janitor told them he was there at Mr Mark Robinson flat

Louis was shocked at the start, Zayn looked at him for an explanation, Louis didn't know what to say really, he knew who Mark was, but he didn't know what Harry was doing with him... again? 

Mark was the man Harry cheated on Louis with, what was Harry thinking now? 

The three men headed towards Mark's flat, lt was early in the morning, when Mark opened the door, he seemed already awake, when he saw Liam he got confused

“ good morning Dr Payne.. how can I help..” he asked looking at the two man with Liam

Liam smiled “ can we get in?”

Mark nodded and he left a room for them to enter, and he closed the door behind

“ we are so sorry for coming this early..”

Mark only nodded “ it's okay. “

Then he looked again at Louis, Liam “ we are here for Harry Styles.. I know he was staying here for the last few days"

Mark nodded “ I figured . when I saw him..” he looked at Louis

Liam nodded “ this is Louis Tomlinson.. Harry's ex husband.”

Mark again nodded “ I know.. have seen him before..”

Louis impatiently “ is he here?”

Mark shook his head “ he was.. but he left yesterday.”

Zayn didn't believe “ really?”

Mark “ I don't have a reason to hide him.. he showed up at my place a week ago he asked to stay for a couple of days.”

Zayn “ why?”

Mark was getting annoyed “ you ask him this..”

Liam had to interfere “ this is Zayn Malik.. he is his friend, Mark ..it is really important ,Harry is not okay "

Mark looked at him, he seemed worried too “ tell me what is his wrong. "

Louis asked “ didn't he tell you?”

Mark shook his head “ no he acted normally.. all he said he want some time alone after the divorce and he needed not to be found.. but I felt there was something wrong.. I don't know what exactly.. but he wasn't okay..”

Liam “ he didn't tell you about his surgery..”

Mark shocked “ what !! what surgery?”

Zayn “ he didn't mention where he would go''

Mark still worried “ no.. I didn't know he was leaving I came from work and he was vanished.. I tried to call him he didn’t answer, then he sent me a text..”

he took out his phone from his pocket and opened the text giving it to Louis

Louis took the phone, then he copied the number,  
,Mark “ what surgery !!.”

The line rang, but there was no answer

Liam looked at Louis, he shook his head, then he looked at Mark giving him his phone back 

Mark took it, “ is he dying... I know it's serious” Mark finally asked

Zayn “ he has leukemia.. did you know anything?”

“ no I heard him talking on the phone about some donor.. I don’t know.. I didn't hear him well, I didn't meant to eavesdrop”

Zayn to Louis “ Anne said his father just did it yesterday, I don’t think he meant him..”

“ then who..”

Zayn shrugged, Liam was on the phone, Louis sighed  
“ God Harry.. why are you making it so hard..”

Mark “ I wish I could help..”

Liam looked at them putting his phone in his pocket  
“ it s not the hospital.. no donor was found yet..”

Louis looked at the floor thinking, then he looked at Mark

“ thank you so much for your help..”

“ any time really"

They headed towards the door, but Mark called Louis, he wanted to have a small talk alone

Zayn “ we will wait outside" and they both left the flat,  
Louis turned to Mark, Mark started

“ you know who I am, right?”

Louis smiled “ I know you..”

Mark nodded “ listen I know it is too late.. but.. he was really sorry.. after that day and he was awful. we were hanging out together because he needed something.. not because.. you know sleeping with me..”

“ heroin” Louis said

Mark looked shocked at the start, then nodded  
“ he was worried about you all the time. I never know why I mean he obviously was in love with you, he is still in love with you... I never know why he did it.. but I am sure he regretted it.”

Louis only nodded, Mark “ I am really sorry about his cancer... I hope he will be okay.”

Louis nodded “ thank you..”

Mark suddenly frowned “ wait.. I remember something.. do you know any Greg?”

Louis tried to remember any Greg but no, Mark  
“ I think I heard him mentioning this name.. he wasn't really talking too much and I didn't want to interfere“

“ okay... okay thank you .. again..”, his mind started to race the thoughts of who was Greg  
******

Louis, Zayn and Liam were in Liam's flat, they. Were drinking some tea in his kitchen

Zayn “ I know I heard this name from somewhere... I just..” he shook his head

Louis nodded “ I know.. me too..”

Liam “ maybe he is a cousin.. I mean if he is a donor he could be family"

Louis was thinking “ I can't remember any.... oh shit.! ” Zayn looked at him

Louis annonced “ Greg fucking Horan...”

Zayn groaned “ that bastard I called him..”

Louis stood up so as Zayn, both collecting their stuff, Liam was watching them

“ are you going now?”

Louis wearing his jacket “ I have to.. I have to know where he is..”

Liam also stood up doing the same asking “ what does he work .. Greg..”

“/I have no idea... what are you doing?”

Liam looked at him confused “ I am coming with you..”

“ no.. you don't have too..”

They all headed towards the door, Liam “ I want to..”. 

Again they took Liam's car, and drove fast to Niall, all the way Louis was praying to find Harry there, he felt like losing time, and this wasn't helpful, all he wanted is to find Harry alive, something in his heart was making him believes the worst. 

******  
In front Niall's door, Zayn was banging violently, he looked angry, he was exhausted, beaten up, and now he was extremely anxious

Niall opened the door , face pale as a sheet, Zayn stormed inside yelling “ where is he?”

Naill stepped back letting Zayn storming easily, Zayn was about to hit him, and Naill saw that

“ what are you talking about? What's wrong with your eyes"

Zayn yelling “ don't fucking start Horan..” he was about to drag him by his collar, but Louis interfered in the right time, moving Zayn's hand away

“ calm down will you! "

Then he pushed Zayn away a little, facing Niall “ where is Harry?”

Niall eyes were open wide, he looked at Louis not understanding, and Louis knew Niall did not have a clue

“ Harry called Greg.. do you know where is he?”

Niall tried to control his shaking body, then Louis took a look at him, Niall was still wearing his pyjamas, eyes were red, nose was red, he looked exhausted, Niall was sick

“ I don't know where he is Lou..”

Zayn yelled again but not attacking “ he called your brother.”

“ I don't know why or when.. or even how, they only met one time"

Louis said in a calm voice “ okay.. can you ask him please, Harry is missing..”

Niall didn’t move, Zayn wanted to attack again but Liam stopped him this time

Niall to Zayn “ stop doing that God.”

Then he looked at Louis “ he doesn't want you to find him..”

Louis shocked “ you know where he is?”

Niall shook his head “ no I promise. but I met him a couple of days ago I think this is how he took Greg number..”

Zayn cursed, Niall looked at him “ behind my back”

then he looked back at Louis “ I met him at Starbucks.. at the end of the street , he was with some kid  
I've never seen him before.. we talked. I went to bathroom, and when I get back he vanished..”

Zayn “ and you let him?”

Naill annoyed “ should I restrain him..”

then he looked again at Louis “ he looked okay.. I think he took the number when I moved to the bathroom.”

Louis nodded “ can you call Greg.. please.”

Niall nodded, and moved to his bed room

Zayn groaned “ he is lying..”

Louis sighed looked at him “ he is not. he is sick, can t you see how he looks..”

Then Niall showed up again holding his phone, he dialled the number and put him on speaker  
“ Naill..”

Naill “ Greg good morning..”

“ why are you up early.. I thought you have a flu..” Louis looked at Zayn , Zayn only shrugged guilty

Niall sighed “ I have, listen to me, do you remember Harry styles..”

“ yeah of course he called me two days ago.. why?”

Naill looked at Louis “ why did he call you..”

“ he was asking me about the organ donation I signed two years ago.. do you remember when I met both of you, I guess I mentioned it.. I think he still remembers and he likes the idea.. I just told him what I did..”

After that Louis really didn’t heard anything, organs donation, why Harry would even think about this, and now it hit him, Harry was not dying, Harry wanted to die. 

“ is it even possible.” Zayn asked Liam, Liam slowly nodded “ yes he can do this... it happens.”

The he looked at Louis, he knew what Louis was thinking about

“ he can't..” Louis only said 

Zayn to Naill “ this kid.. can you describe him?”

Niall nodded “ yeah.. he was not so tall.. I don't know maybe 16 or something, black hair, tanned , black eyes.."

Zayn looked at Louis “that's him... I got the address.”

Louis nodded, Niall “ what is going on..”

Zayn looked at him “ we are not sure... but it's not good..”

Niall “ okay.. wait for me.”

“ why?”

“ you will need me with you..”

Zayn again ; why?”

Niall shrugged leaving to his room again “ I don't know but you will .”

Now the four of them headed towards the kid address Zayn got from Rodger, Louis and Zayn both were silent, no words were spoken, while Naill and Liam tried to talk a little to remove the tension, Niall who was driving this time since the other three hadn’t slept since last night.

The neighbourhood where the kid lives was too far from where they were, it took them nearly two hours to get in there, and once they were at the street, Naill parked, while Zayn went outside the car followed by Louis

Zayn was walking Louis “ what are you doing. “

“ I will ask about him..”

“ why here..”

Zayn just looked at him and didn’t talk, Zayn followed by Louis got inside a pup , it was weird , almost empty it was early anyway, Zayn headed towards the bar, man was standing behind cleaning it, when he saw Zayn he stopped and looked at him

Zayn asked “ where is he?”

The man only looked at the corner , Zayn looked at where he was looking. And there was a man smoking, he looked late thirties, wearing a black leather jacket, and also looking towards them, Zayn walked to him and when Louis moved, Zayn stopped

“ no.. I don't want him to know you.”

“ who is he..”

“ not now..”

“zayn..”

“not now Lou..”

Louis just sighed, and leaned on the bar, Zayn moved and talked to the man, they talked for 5 minutes then , he moved back to Louis 

“ let s go..”  
Louis followed without any word, ,he saved it for later. 

****

In front of a flat, in an old building, the place was old, not so clean, it was a poor area, poor people were living there, the lift was broken and they had to use the stairs and they saw how old that place was. 

When the door was opened, the kid that Zayn hit him before was in front of them standing, when he saw Zayn he wanted to shut the door, but Zayn and Louis prevented that, they pushed the door and the four of them entered the flat, Niall closed the door behind him. 

Zayn started “ you know why we are here..”

The kid didn’t talk, Zayn yelled “ where is he?”

The kid shook his head, he was scared, Zayn “ don't make me angry kid, you don't want to make me angry..”

The kid stepped back, Louis “ please, do you know where he is..”

The kid again shook his head

It took a minute, Zayn was trapping the kid against the wall , holding him from His collar, yelling “ say something! ”

Liam tried to stop Zayn, but Zayn yelled again “ he knows.”

The kid finally said “ he left.”

Zayn pushed him to the wall “ where?”

“ I don't-”

“ where? ”

The kid started to cry, “ let him go “

it was Louis. 

Zayn and the kid looked at him, Louis “ let him go.”

“ what?!”

Louis ordered “ do it.”

Zayn finally let him go

Louis looked at the kid “ do you know where he is. did you promised you won't tell ..”

The kid looked at the floor

Louis sighed “ do you know he is dying?”

The kid looked at him shockingly, Louis nodded  
“ he has leukaemia and right now I believe he wants to end his life.”

The kid stared shocked to the floor, Louis “ we don't have time.. please kid just help me save him"

The kid still not talking

“ he helped you before. he saved your life, it's your turn now"

The kid looked at him “ he bought a house..”

Louis didn't expect that

The kid sighed “ he took me with him to convince the owner.. I don't know why he insisted on that house specifically..”

Louis sighed “ it's our house.”

The kid “ he convinced him finally.. and he bought it yesterday.. I helped him move in. “

he then looked at Louis crying “ he looked okay really.. he gave me money we ate together... please tell me he won't die..”

Louis didn't know what to say, he just hugged the kid tightly

“ I don't know.”

It was true, Louis didn't know , he hoped Harry was okay, but right now he didn't know, Louis cried too, he needed to make sure Harry was okay, he just needed that now.


	13. Chapter 13

Let's start voting.

1-happy ending  
2- sad ending

But both are perfect 👌


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so most of you wants a happy ending and some wants both
> 
> So I will start with the happy one. 
> 
> Hope you like it and tell me how do you think

Harry was sleeping in a hospital bed, wearing his blue beanie, he was pale, thin, looking really small, sitting by him on the plastic chair young Louis, crossing his arms above his chest, his head was dangling down, he was sleeping. 

It was ten years ago, Harry was in his worst shape, physically and mentally weak, the chemo had affected him and drained all his power, he was losing his hope, and he was on the edge, hated his life, hated his disease

“ Lou..” he whispered, and Louis startled, he looked at him anxiously

“ yes Hazza.. I am here..”

Harry slowly smiled, he was still eyes closed, sometimes he can't open his eyes to control his dizziness and headache

Louis held his hand saying again “ I am here.. how do you feel?”

Harry took a deep breath “ how do I look?”

Louis smiled “ you look marvellous .”

“ I am bold..”

Louis nodded “ yeah.. bold and marvellous.”

Harry slowly opened his eyes, Louis smiled wide and played with Harry's beanie “ hello there.”

Harry smiled wider “ hi..”

“ feeling better?”

Harry slowly nodded “ I think.. , what happened?”

“ it was my fault..”

Harry sighed “ not a good start Lou.. what happened?”

“ you fainted. we were out eating some burger but you couldn't take it... scared the shit out of me and Zayn.”

Harry nodded trying to remember“ where is he?”

“ he had to go home.. you've been out for two days now.”

Harry closed his eyes “ oh crap.”

“ I am sorry.. I insisted to take you out. you were so bored and..”

“ it's not your fault. “

They didn't talk after, Harry was closing his eyes but that didn't stop tears from falling

Louis was watching him, he was about to cry to, he was doing his best to control himself  
“ why are you crying?”

Harry cried harder, and he was still not talking

“ Harry... you have to stop thinking this way. why are you doing this to yourself..” Still crying, still mute

“ what happened to you.. where is your spirit?”

When Louis realized he is not having any answer, he sighed and tapped on his hand, drawing the circles thinking how to make him feel better

“ I hate my life..” Harry started

Louis looked at him, Harry opened his eyes, it was red, and most importantly it was sad

“ what are you talking about..”

Harry cried again, he pressed his fingers on his eyes  
“ I am tired Lou.. it doesn't get any better. “

Louis shook his head “ yes it does, it does Harry.. stop feeling sorry for yourself... you will be okay .you will go to college.. and you will get marry have kids right?”

Harry shook his head “ no.. not right. I don't want to have kids.”

“why?”

“ so they don't get sick..” he looked at Louis “ I can't see them suffering.. I am not like mom although  
I know how much pain she feels"

Louis sighed “ Harry... what's wrong with you"

Harry looked away, Louis “ look at me . What's wrong, what happened?”

Harry sighed , sound was cracked “ I want to die Lou..”

Louis shocked “ fuck you..”

Harry looked at him shocked, Louis “ fuck you Harry styles.. you want to die and leave me alone.. it this how you repay me.. by leaving me alone? ”

“ you have Zayn.. you have a lot of friends back at your college.. why sticking with a dying kid! ”

Louis angrily “ you are not kid! .”

“ lis-”

“and you are not fucking dying! ”

" you should go back to your college..”

Louis looking at him furiously, Harry “ there is no gain from waiting by myside.”

“ you are pushing me away.. really?”

“ you are wasting your time.”

“ can you hear yourself. do you even believe what you are saying? "

Harry sighed “ I can't do it..”

Louis still angry “ do what.”

Harry crying again “ please go..”

“ no! ”

He held Harry's hand “ no, I will never leave your side .”

“ stop"

“ I will always be there..”

“ stop" Harry crying

“ you can't push me away Harry..”

“ please stop..”

“ do you know why.” Louis also crying

“ don't say it"

“ cause I love you..”

Harry looked at him, eyes full of tears, Louis looked back no better, both were crying 

“ I said it..” Louis's voice cracked

Harry shook his head “ no.”

“I love you Harry... and I know you do and don't you ever think I love you because you are sick.. I love you long time ago.”

Harry sniffled, looking at his lap, Louis “ I can't lose you now.. and you can't leave me..” 

“ you can't stay..”

“ I want to..”

“ I might die..”

“ no.. you will be okay.. you will be healed. we will be okay..”

“ it will come back again..”

Louis looked at him crying, trying to control his voice  
“ then I will be there too.”

“ you don't have to face this..”

“ I want to.. I want you Harry, sick or not, bold or not, you complete me.”

Harry whispered “ I love you too.”

“ what is that?.”

Harry still looking at his lap , didn't talk again  
Louis “ please.. say it again..”

Harry looking at Louis “ I love you..”

Louis smiled nodding “ yes... yes... you will be okay Harry"

Harry nodded also smiling “ I will be okay.”

Louis hugged Harry tight “ I love you.”

“ I love you.”

“ forever and always.”

“ always and forever"

*******

Present day,

When Louis knocked on his old house with shaky hands, he didn't expect to find the door opened, he entered his house with a heart beating fast, and a shaky breath, followed by the others

They all started to look for Harry, except for Louis who stayed at the middle of the house haunted by memories, he knows, this house meant a lot for Harry, he knew Harry promised to live and die in this house when they bought it together

Zayn “ he is not here..”

Louis nodded, sitting on the dinning table , taking a deep breath “ he will come back.”

“ how do you know?”

“ I know..”

Then he looked at the others “ you all need to get back .I will call you if anything happens"

Liam “ are you sure?”

Louis nodded “ he is okay.. I can feel him.”

Niall nodded “ call me.”

Louis nodded “ thanks. to all of you.”

Niall and Liam were walking outside

“ Zayn.. you need to get some sleep. “

Zayn sighed “ I know..” everyone can see how shaking his body was

“ I will come at night.”

Louis nodded, and Zayn left, Louis stayed alone on the house that was once his and Harry, for about sex years, all the memories, all the love they shared here Louis was feeling it now, it was a mistake selling the house, it was a mistake asking for a divorce, it was a mistake starting a new relation with someone else, it was a mistake that Harry cheated. 

And right now Louis had to make things right, even if Harry started making things right by rebuying the house, he had to get Harry back to his life, he had to save Harry now. 

When Louis opened his eyes, he realized that he slept on the couch, he looked around him and he found himself covered with a blanket he didn't remember bringing it, it only meant one thing, Harry.

Louis left his couch and headed towards the bedroom upstairs, but there was no Harry in the room, his boots , his jacket, his smell, but not Harry. 

when Louis was about to leave, he looked through the large window, and he saw Harry sitting at the terrace, reading a book drinking something, just the way Harry liked, like the old days, and Louis felt ache in his chest.

When Louis went downstairs towards Harry, once he entered the terrace, that was now warmed by the heater. He heard the song he sang to Harry when he was in the hospital “ arms open" by the script. 

Harry didn’t notice Louis, he was reading and humming the tune, when Louis saw him, he felt like went back in time, like everything was okay and all what happened was just a bad dream

“ finally.. you are awake.” Harry said smiling putting the book aside

Louis was still looking at him, Harry turned off the music by the remote, and looked at Louis

“ you look exhausted , didn't want to wake you up.”

Louis didn’t move, Harry looked around him  
“ I got our home back.”

Louis also looked around, Harry sighed  
“ I missed it.”

Then he stood up, and walked towards Louis, then he hugged him

“ I miss you too"

Louis now was confused, he expected Harry to be angry, or yelling, mabye ask him to leave, he didn't expect a hug really, was his memory confused again?!

He slowly released himself from Harry's hug, and looked at him

“ Harry..”

Harry looking at him smiling  
“ how is your shoulder .”

And no his memory was okay “ it's okay, Harry I..”

“ are you hungry? Cause I am famished.”

Then he walked inside saying “ I cooked.”

Louis had to follow, Harry was still talking  
“ I made the lasagne you love... and soup.”

He was inside the kitchen now , then he looked at Louis

“ and guess what? I made dessert” he smiled widely playing with his brows,

Louis finally sighed “ Harry we need to talk"

Harry closed his eyes

“ can we do it tomorrow? Can we pretend that everything is okay for tonight.. eat together, watch a movie and maybe sleep on the same bed.. please"

Louis was going to talk but Harry stopped him  
“ please, just for tonight Lou.”

Louis finally nodded, Harry was weirdly Happy , he was smiling, he cooked, he actually looked okay,  
Harry clapped his hand one time saying  
“ shall we start..”

then he pointed to Louis to sit on the table while he serving him, Louis didn’t know what to do but following the orders, and he did, he sat slowly still watching Harry, and somehow he felt like he also needed this, to pretend okay for one day, let's save the hard talk for tomorrow, let's just enjoy this. 

He watched Harry who placed two plates for him and Louis, and two wine glass, then he put out a wine bottle from the cupboard, looking at Louis excitedly, Louis smiled too, then he put out the lasagne and the salad, the soup on the table, and then poured some wine in the glass after filling it with ice. 

and finally sat by Louis who was watching every movement Harry did

Harry looked at him smiling, and held his glass , then looked at Louis to do the same, Louis finally did, then they both drank a sip, they shared a look together, it felt like finally home, as if they were travelling for a long time everyone by himself and they were finally home

all Louis wanted to do now wass kissing him, and all Harry wanted to do was kissing back, “ shall we eat?”

Harry finally asking breaking the eye contact

Louis nodded, and together they started to eat, Louis always loved Harry's home made food, and Harry never lost his gift, the food was amazing, and what was also amazing ?

time

time was perfect, they ate and they smiled, they talked like nothing bad happened

After finishing the food, and before the dessert, Harry asked Louis to put the dessert out of the fridge, when Louis opened the fridge, he heard music

When he looked back, he saw Harry standing at the bar, and he knew, Harry wanted to dance, okay Harry let's dance, and they did, time was frozen, they had no idea where the time escaped, they danced silently, and they let their eyes and hearts did the talk, they talked, and cried, and they hugged tightly, and wished for this moment to never ends

“ I am sorry Harry..”

Louis said , but Harry said nothing, he just hugged him tightly, and rested his head on his neck crocks , he breathed him, then whispered  
“ I love you..”

Louis then looked at him, and they did it, they kissed, long, soft, emotional kiss, and Louis didn't know how he miss his taste like that, he didn't know that he was lost without him, but now he knew, he felt him, he felt home, finally.

Harry broke the kiss, and he let Louis and moved away giving him his back, Louis stayed confused for seconds, then he asked

“ are you okay?”

He saw Harry shaking his head, then looking at the ground, and then he felt his shoulders shaking, and he knew Harry was crying, he moved closer, and touched him, but Harry shook his head again

“ I just.. I miss that.” then he raised his head, and wiped his tears away

Louis looked at his face, “ I know.. I miss this too.”

Harry tried to hide his tears from Louis, but Louis said  
“ don't hide.. it's okay.”

“ I am sorry..”

Louis shook his head “ no.. baby it's not your fault”

and he moved Harry's head towards him so he could see him

Harry looked at him ,Louis “ it s okay..”

“ promise me..”

Louis confused “ what baby..”

Harry was a cracked voice “ you will forgive me..”

Louis was shocked, something was wrong, he slowly hugged Harry, and Harry cried again

“ I've already done that.”

Harry was still crying “ promise me..”

Louis eyes were full of dread, he slowly said “ Harry.. what did you do? ”

Harry hugged tightly , and cried harder, and no, Louis couldn't take it anymore

“ Harry.. did you do something stupid”

He tried to free himself , but Harry was hugging tightly  
“ Harry, please answer me..”

No answer, Louis started to cry too “ oh God.. Harry.. please"

Harry finally let go, Louis looked at his eyes, Harry was looking down

“ what did you do?”

Louis was losing his mind now, he was crying  
“ Harry please tell me what did you do”

Harry looked at him, at his eyes “ I love you..”

“ Harry"

“ I want you to remember this okay..”

“ no , tell me what did you do "

“ I never wanted to cheat"

Louis yelled “ Harry tell me what did you do”

“ it won't take time now.” then he looked at Louis  
“ I am happy you are here with me.”

Louis yelled shaking him violently “ God damn it.. tell me"

Then he hugged him again tightly “ please tell me.” , Louis was scared, he was crying. 

Harry hugged him back saying “ it's not your fault.. I swear"

Louis crying “ God please help me.”, he then cupped Harry's face  
“ I’m begging you Harry tell me, did you take anything..”

Harry shrugged looking down, Louis let go, and he rushed to his phone which was still on the table, with a shaky hand, he dialled a number, and then looked back at Harry, and now he could see it, Harry must was dizzy cause he barely could stand up right, he leaned on the kitchen bar for the support

“ Liam.. help me.. no , no he is here", he could not control his voice anymore,

“ God, Liam I think he took something... I think-“  
Harry was looking at Louis with eye full of tears, Louis was panicking now,

“ I think he .. he took something.. I don't know.” he then asked Harry  
“ what did you take? “

but Harry was only staring at Louis, leaning in the bar,  
“ focus please” Louis walked towards him “ what did you take?”

Harry touched Louis's face to wipe the tears away  
“ it's okay...”

Louis yelled “ it's not okay...”, then he said to Liam “ what should I do. I I don't know.. but obviously he is dizzy.. okay, okay”

Then he put the phone on the bar, he looked at Harry  
“ why?”

Harry didn't talk, he just wanted a hug, so he slowly walked to Louis and hugged him, and Louis felt it, Harry wanted to sit, so they slowly sat on the floor, still hugging, Louis was crying hard

“ you can't do that... I won't let you go”

Harry didn't talk, Louis “ please, please, I refuse to let go, you just can't Harry, not now not like this"

Harry then looked at Louis's eyes, “ I love you"

Louis crying “ I love you too"

“ forever and always”

Louis was a shaky voice “ always and forever"

Harry smiled, and hugged him again , and now he felt ready, he was ready to let go.

*****

Monday, January, 22/ 2018

Two hours, 120 minutes, that was the time Harry spent in the surgery, Liam was fighting to save his life, and Louis was fighting to remain calm

Harry took a large amount of his painkillers, sedatives, hypnotics, mixed with alcohol, in normal cases, he would be dead now, but the food he ate, and the action Louis took saved his life.

that wasn’t Harry plan, he wanted to eat, watch a movie , and go to sleep so Louis was the only one who wake up in the morning, only Louis. 

When the ambulance arrived , it took him immediately to the hospital, where Liam took him to the surgery to clean his system

Zayn, Anne, Gigi, Niall, they all came once Louis called Zayn and told him, no one said a word, they all waited with Louis , everyone was trying to keep calm, they waited, hoped, prayed, for a miracle, they all deserve one right now

When Liam came out of surgery, he had two good news, Harry was okay, nothing bad happened, he was saved at the right time, no further damage had happened

Second news was, the donor, the system finally found the donor, who was ready to perform the procedure right away. 

The news was too much for them really, they all fell in cry fits, some were sobbing, some were laughing with tears, some remained silent

But Louis, Louis was something else, he just wanted to see him, to hug him, to give him the news

Harry would be okay again, Harry would be fine and healthy, they would be a happy family again. 

******

When Harry wake up in his room, Anne and Louis were with him, they were talking on the sofa, no one saw his eyes, they were talking and Harry didn't want to interrupt

Anne obviously was crying and Louis was trying to calm her down, she was in his embrace  
“ my baby.. he wants to die Lou, how is this okay.”

Louis was trying to calm her down “ it's not okay.. but I will be there.. I will never leave his side again.”

“ he wants to die Louis.”

Louis cried too “ I know.. I know.. but he will be fine now.. I promise.”

“ I never thought he will lose hope this way.”

“ I know”

“ I was blind all this time , just focusing on finding the match , I didn't pay attention to him"

Louis sighed “ I wasn't there either, he needed me the most and I just ... ran"

Harry was listening, he was crying, he didn't want to hear them blame their selves, he wanted to die so no one blame himself anymore

“ why did you leave Louis?” Anne asked

And Harry became alerted, it took Louis a few seconds to answer

“ I was .. I was scared, for all the past year I was trying to believe in the divorce, the idea of me and him were not together anymore was very hard, he cheated Anne, he never said why, he let me believe it lasted for three months”

He sighed, and Harry cried silently  
“ when I left.. I thought he will come to me, apologize, begging for my forgiveness.”

“ he did"

“ he did, but he never told me why... so all I was thinking about. what if he do it again, it hurt before and it will hurt more. he thought I wanted to know why so I give myself a good justification for leaving, but.. I wanted to know so I can forgive him for real”

“ you wanted a divorce Lou.”

He didn't talk , and Harry knew he was crying

“ it was a mistake.. I admit it now. how could I do this, how could I did this to him while he was suffering, I should have known Anne"

And no, Harry couldn't stand Louis tears, couldn't stand him blaming himself, he wanted to hug him, to reassure him, to let him know it was really not his fault,  
“ it was not your fault..”

Thanks mom, Harry thought 

“ I was his husband, I should have known better, I know when he lies.. he was lying but I thought it was about the cheating..”

“ don't push yourself..”

“ I can't..” then he inhaled deeply “ I can't stop thinking of him, how miserable he was and I was... fuck I was in a relation Anne"

“ you didn't know..”

“ how.. how did I let this happen.. because previously I could tell he will get sick before he does .. how could I miss his cancer...or should I say cancers"

“ sweaty.. don't.. stop thinking this way.. you just saved him..”

“ he wanted to die because of-”

No please no

“ me..” Louis said angrily

Harry tried hardly to control himself, he hated listening to Louis saying this, he hated making Louis feeling that,l

“ maybe his cancer is not my fault.. but his suicide definitely mine..”

“ no baby.. no.. he was depressed.. it happens with what he is living through.”

“ I let him alone"

“ you are here now..”

“ I am scared.. I can't lose him.. I let him because I couldn't believe I would lose him again, that ache in my chest every time I think of him is growing bigger and bigger, and I am scared.. I'm so scared I can't lose him Anne, I can't"

“ you won't.. you are here to make things right.. prove to him you still love him.. you still care..”

“ of course I love him. those two minutes.. when he wasn’t responding last night, they made me see.. if he dies.. I die.. I wont live one day after him.. I won't"

“ he loves you Lou..”

“ no.. I love him, if he loves me, he wouldn’t do this..”

“ no he loves you.. that's why he did this.. he thought he lost you.”

“ tell me how to make things right.. how to erase that last year"

Anne sighed “ you won't.. this last year gave you both a lesson, it thought you what you mean for each other, I know my son Louis, and he was devastated, not because of his illness no, because of you.. he was sorry and he regretted it.. I know and I know you know"

Louis sighed “ I know.. I want him to be okay.. so badly..”

“Harry?” it was Anne

Harry slowly opened his eyes , he could hide his tears perfectly, but Anne and Louis were shocked, both stood up stormed towards him

“ did we wake you up?” Anne asked

He smiled shaking his head, Louis was standing by him looking at his eyes, but he said nothing

Anne hugged Harry tightly

Harry whispered in her ears “ sorry mom"

But she just kissed his forehead “ I am glad you are okay..”

Then she looked at Louis, who was still watching Harry,  
“ okay.. I will go tell your doctor you are awake.”

Harry smiled gratefully , his mom who understands him the most knew he heard, knew he wanted to have a talk. 

Before Anne leaving, she smiled to Louis and patted his shoulder trying to encourage him

Harry looked at Louis, Louis was still looking

“ how could you! ”

“ I am sorry.”

“ how could you.” he sobbed

“ I am sorry “ Harry cried too

Louis hugged him, and he cried, “ I am sorry" Harry repeats over and over 

Then Louis let go, and looked at his eyes “ if you died.. I will never forgive you..”

Harry was going to talk, but Louis shook his head to finish

“ I can forgive you if you cheat, I can forgive you if you divorce me, but I will never forgive you if you die... never..”

Harry nodded

“ they found the donor..”

And Harry was shocked , Louis was smiling nodding “ they did.. he is ready..”

Harry didn't know what to do, he just covered his eyes with his hands, and all the tears he had left, all the tears he was trying to hold, he let them all fall, he cried like never before

Louis didn’t try to stop him, he cried with him, he lied himself slowly by him on the bed, hugged  
Harry in his lap, and they both cried

“ you will be okay.. you will be fine.. and you will gain your weight back, and you will be my Harry again"

He kissed his hair “ I will never leave you again Harry.. I will always stay, never let you go. “

He kissed again his hair, closing his eyes letting his tears fall on Harry's curls whispering “ please don't go"

*****

4 months later,  
Harry finally finished his treatment, no need to say, it was tough, very tough, they both lost hope in different occasions, they both felt lost, Harry suffered a lot, Louis also suffered a lot, Harry spent days can barely move during the chemo, he spent nearly 3 weeks alone in hospital, no one visited him, his immunity was really down after the transplantation, his fever was high all the time. 

The only way he communicated with Louis was by phone, he spent the whole time so tired to talk, and Louis was doing all the talk, he talked, he read, and he sang for him, Louis kept his promise, he didn't leave Harry for an hour, even when they go to sleep, Louis always saw Harry in his dreams.

So after four months, when doctors finally admitted that Harry was okay and healthy, Louis decided to make him a small surprise. 

Harry hadn't really seen anyone for a long time, he barely saw his mom and Gemma, he saw Zayn only twice in the past few months, he hasn't seen any of Louis's family, and he was really bored. 

The only one who took care of him was his husband, Louis. 

Louis decided to remarry again in the same week Harry tried to kill himself, he promised himself he would never leave Harry side during the treatment journey, and he promised Harry to make everything right, he didn't proposed, he didn't have to , the minute Harry opened his eyes the minute he started treat him as his husband again. 

Harry spent the last four months with Louis in home, alone, doing nothing but enjoying the quiet finally landed in their lives, he let Louis takez care of him and he enjoyed, Louis also on the other hand enjoyed taking care of Harry, Harry was alive, Harry was getting better, and that what really mattered  
. 

Two days ago, doctors reassured them that Harry was gaining his health back again, his numbers were perfect, he felt perfect, his hair started to grow again, he started to gain weight again, his face was getting healthy again, his lips were red again, Harry was gaining his confidence step by step again, and Louis couldn't get any prouder. 

Louis took Harry for a date for the first time since they were remarried. 

Harry was extremely happy, finally he could see people, he could interact with others, Louis let him do all the talk with different people, Harry asked everyone about how they were doing, he shared a small talk with everyone they met, they know or don’t know. 

They had dinner together, and when they get back home , there was the surprise took place. 

Everyone that ever knew Harry was there, all the people Harry knew, Harry loved , was there, When Harry saw them in their back garden celebrating his health with a marvellous cake, he couldn’t stop his tears , he hugged every single one tightly, Zayn, Gigi, Niall, Liam , The kid his name was “ Nick" by the way, Harry's family, Louis’s family, his co-workers, Louis's co- workers, literally everyone they knew. 

At the middle of the party, Louis didn't find Harry, for a second his heart skipped a beat, he looked for him inside the house, no where, he then moved upstairs to their bed room, when he opened the door, he found him, looking through the window, a glass of wine in his hand, he was giving Louis his back

“ are you okay?”

Harry looked at Louis, then smiled, but Louis saw the tears ,Louis walked slowly to him

“ are you okay? Why are you crying?”

Harry looked back at the window “ I am sorry.. a moment of weakness" he tried to smile

Louis smiled, and he then hugged Harry from his back, and rested his chin on Harry's neck crock, “ it's okay"

Harry nodded, he then sighed “ it's ... I'm just happy.. I mean.. two years ago everything was rough.. right"

Louis nodded “ stop thinking of what happened..”

Harry nodded “ you are right.. you are right..” then he turned to look at Louis “ thank you.”

Louis smiled, Harry “ I wouldn’t make it without you.”

Louis shook his head “ no.. you are strong.. you can fight anything.”

Harry smiled wide “ I love you baby.”

“ I know..”

“ come on.. your guests are waiting..”

Harry was smiling looking back at the window where their guests gathered , he then shook his head in disbelief  
“ I cant believe you invited Mark.”

Louis looked too at Mark “ yeah.. he helped. “

“ and Nick.”

“ helped too..”

“ someone is missing.”

Louis nodded still looking at the crowd, Harry “ he didn't help?”

Louis “ he did.. I invited ..but I think he wont make it.”

Harry nodded “ I think he did.”

Louis looked at where Harry was looking, and there was Ben standing with Zayn and Gigi, laughing and talking,

Harry still looking “ I never hated him..”

Louis looked at him surprised, Harry looked at him smiling “ I never did.. I was jealous.. I mean he had you.”

Louis smiled wider “ I told you stop thinking about what happened..”

Harry nodded, then “ okay, let's meet him... I want to kill him..”

Louis confused “ what?”

“ I don’t hate him.. okay.. but I will kill him for shooting you.”

“ Harry please.. don't.”

Harry laughing “ okay..”

“ promise..”

“ okay I promise..”

Then Louis “ I want to tell you something.. before we go down..”

Okay that was serious, Harry looked at him frowning  
Louis took a deep breath, “ but don’t get mad okay..”

“ oh God.. please.. I am having a good time.. I don't need a bad news..”

“ who said it is a bad news?”

“ no one?!”

Louis chuckled “ okay, you know I need someone to help me at my store since Sandra is getting married..”

Harry nodded “ okay..”

Louis “ I asked Nick..”

Harry was surprised, then “ honey that's great.. really.”

“ is that okay..”

“ of course it is.. that's wonderful Louis..” he hugged him tight

“ I know how much you care for him..”

“ You are a good man Lou.. you are"

Louis looked at him “ I learned from the best.”

Harry smiled, Louis “ there is something else..”

“ happy?”

Louis nodded, Harry “ tell me..”

“ for the next two weeks.. we will be around Europe.. I booked you amazing trip over there..” Harry gasped “ you didn't..”

Louis smiling “ I did.. Spain.. Paris.. Italy.. Rome.. and more.. it's our honeymoon..”

Harry covered his eyes by hus hands , but no Louis needs to see these eyes, he moved Harry's hands away, and he slowly kissed them, he looked at Harry

“ you are my world Harry.. I will do what it takes to make you happy again..”

Harry smiled, he couldn't talk, tears were suffocating him, he just hugged Louis again, and he didn't want to let go, that was his home, his home he was ready to fight for, he cant be grateful any more “ here you are..”

It was Gemma at the door frame, she was looking at them smiling

“ people are looking.. there is a prize for the one who finds you first.”

They let go both laughing

“ are you okay?” Gemma asking

Louis nodding “ everything is perfect..”

“ you told him..”

Harry surprised “ you know?”

Gemma smiled “ of course I know.. I know everything about everyone.”

Louis smiling walking towards her “ okay , okay.. let's go..”

Harry looked at the floor, didn’t move

Gemma was watching her brother “ you go Lou, we will follow..”

Louis looked at Harry and smiled, he kissed his hand and left the room

Gemma then looked at Harry who turned his back and looked again at the window, she walked to stand by him

“ is this happening Gemm.. is it real?”

Gemma smiled nodding “ it's real Hazza..”

“ I am okay?.”

“ you are okay.”

“ I have Lou back?”

“ you have him back.”

He then nodded “ I am not dreaming.”

She smiled “ I am sure you are not. “

He then took a deep breath “ I am happy Gemma..”

She nodded “ you deserve it.. everyone deserves to be happy..”

He looked at her “ I almost lose every thing"

“ you didn't"

“ I didn't"

And then they both looked through the window, Harry embraced Gemma and she rested her head on his lap, Gemma started to sing

All the hurt, all the lie  
All the tears that they cry  
When the moment is just right  
You'll see fire in their eyes  
‘Cause he is stronger than you know  
A heart of steal starts to glow

“ he shared her now"

When you have been fighting for it all your life  
You've been struggling to make things right  
That's how superhero learns to fly  
Every day every hour turn that pain into power


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't recommend you to read this, I know how sad and already anxious right now. But as I promised to update the sad ending
> 
> Stay safe everyone. 
> 
> God bless you all.

When Louis opened his eyes, he was still on the couch, it was dark, he was cold, his back and neck hurt and the TV was still on. 

he slowly stood up, and he walked towards the kitchen he was thirsty and hungry

He entered the kitchen, and opened the fridge, took a bottle of water and he drank some

“ I ordered pizza..”

He heard Harry saying , he startled, and he looked at where the voice came from, Harry was at the door frame, crossing his arm on his chest

Louis stared at him, Harry continued entering the kitchen “ you will eat and then you will leave..”

Louis sighed and then completed his bottle, and   
put the bottle at the table

Harry was sitting on the table watching Louis, Louis finally said

“ I am not leaving Harry..”

“ you are not staying either..”

“ Harry.. I am not leaving..”

Harry chuckled “ so .. he didn't want you back then.”

Louis knew Harry was trying to upset him, he didnt answer

Harry nodded , then “ I don't want you too.”

Louis still not talking 

Harry finally stood up, and he left the kitchen leaving Louis alone, he knew it would be difficult to convince Harry to stay with him , to convince him to start his treatment

Minutes later, Louis heard the sound of keys and he knew Harry was leaving again, and no, he would not let him run again

Louis rushed towards the door, and Harry was wearing his jacket

“ where do you think you are going?”

Harry just ignored him, he then opened the door, but Louis suddenly stormed and pushed the door to  
close it

Harry was surprised, he looked at Louis mouth opened, but then he control his anger and said  
“ what do you want?”

“ where are you going?”

“ out..”

“ no"

“ excuse me?”

Louis sighed, ok he was upset now  
“ we need to talk.. can you do this?”

Harry was looking at Louis, eyes met for seconds then  
“ no.”

“ Harry please..”

Harry shook his head “ I have nothing to say to you... I want you out of my house when I come back..”

He was going to open the door, but Louis yanked his hand away, and he stood in front of the door preventing Harry from leaving

“ move..”

Louis didn’t talk, Harry tried not to push Louis and took a deep breath  
“ move Louis..”

“ we need to talk.. “

“ there is nothing-"

“ okay I will talk.. you listen, can you do this. Can you stop being the child you are and start to act as an adult..”

Harry was frowning, he knew Louis wasn't going to stop what he was doing, he would have to sit and listen

He finally gave Louis his back, and moved to sit on the couch in front of the TV

Louis followed him watching him sitting, he sat by him on the chair, Harry looked at him challenging

“ would you please relax..” Louis started

“ I am ..”

“ you are not.. you are just doing what I want.. you don’t want to listen.”

Harry shrugged “ do I have a choice..”

Louis shook his head in disbelief “ what happened to you.! ”

“ oh God..”

“ I don’t understand. why are you this angry? ”

Harry looked at him, then he looked away

Louis knew it was now his chance to talk  
“ I know you talked to Greg..”

Harry looked at him shockingly, Louis continued  
“ you asked about organ donation?”

Harry looked again away, but this time he wasn’t angry, no, he was avoiding Louis,

“ what are you planning on Harry..”

Harry again didn't talk

“ will you not get your treatment? Is it even possible to donate your organ after the cancer kills you..”

Harry closed his eyes, pressing his lips hard, he was trying to shut himself up

“ do you want to kill yourself?” Louis whispered, but his voice was shaken, he could not believe he uttered there words 

Harry looked at him “ do you think I believe you now?”

Louis was shocked and confused, Harry smiled  
“ who sent you? Did mom sent you.. was it Zayn? do they think if you showed up again at my life and told me to start my treatment.. I will just do it..”

Louis sighed “ no one sent me..”

Harry pretended impressed “ oh so you came by your own, do you suddenly decided to help me or wait a minute.. you want to be the good man, always the good man... you saved Ben and now you will save Harry. well guess what.. I don't need your help.”

“ stop..”

Louis stood up angrily, he then looked at Harry  
“ are you upset. are you angry at me so you decided to punish yourself this way..”

Harry was looking at him, Louis yelled now  
“ do you think killing yourself will make me feel better?”

Harry finally chuckled “ I don't care how do you feel Lou”

“liar.. you are a big fat liar Harry”

Harry yelled standing up also “ it's not about you... fuck.. if I want to die tonight it's not because of you.”

And louis stopped talking, he looked at him shockingly  
“ what?what did you say?.”

Harry took a deep breath, and he moved away from Louis's face " it meant nothing.."

Louis ran and pulled Harry from his arm  
“ I am talking to you..”

“ I don't need to talk any more"

“ oh God..” Louis's eyes were full of dread

Harry sighed “ just go home, go back to Ben"

Louis shook his head “ no.. you don't get to say this and just run again..oh God that's how you want to donate your organ..by killing your self.. no. You won't run again"

“ I am not running.”

“ you want to die?”

Harry sighed, he groaned in his hands   
“ I didn't say this..”

Louis was looking at him , still shocked, then he shook his head

“ no, you are lying.. what did you do?”

“ God Lou stop.. I didn't do anything and stop pretending that you care..”

“ I care “

Harry smiled “ really?”

“ fuck Harry you know I do.. I always do..”

“ and now you are lying..”

" I am not “

Harry yelled “ how?how do you still care?you left me.. alone at the hospital bed after a brain surgery and having leukaemia, no donor was found yet.. you left me... how is this caring"

Louis stopped talking, then “ I know.”

Harry was going to yell but he was surprised by Louis's answer “ good.”

He was leaving again when 

“ I was scared okay..”

Harry stopped moving

“ for the past year I tried my best to hate you Harry, I did everything I can, I get into a relation so I forget you..”

Harry looked at Louis " you could just forgive me" , he waited for this for so long, he needed to know how could Louis fall in love that easily

" I tried to.. I swaer I tried."

" what stopped you.. Ben?"

“ Ben is a good lad .. “ Harry chuckled , but Louis ignored

“ he is a good lad, he helped me, I know you hate him because he told me about your affair.. but he was there for me, he stood by my side, he helped me to get better Harry, because I was down.. I kept asking myself why.. asking you why..”

Harry whispered “ I never wanted to ..”

“ I know.. but you didn't tell me before.. and I was scared so you can do this again and again and I don't deserve this Harry.. I was angry that I got blind and i couldn’t see how you changed.. I could know if I wasn't that angry.. I could know there was something wrong with you.. but Harry, I never love him the way I love-”

“ stop"

“ I love you... I never stopped, I was angry at you I asked for a divorce because you owed me an explanation but you never did.. you kept apologizing but you never told me the reason.. I was wrong Harry. and I am sorry.. now I am here asking you no I am begging you to forgive me.”

Harry looked at Louis, his eyes now were full if tears  
“ you only say this because I am sick..”

“ no.”

“ yes.”

“ Harry .. I love you.”

“ no I love you. I cheated and I spent the whole next year apologizing.. begging for your mercy. you were scared? I was scared. I knew my cancer was back .. and all I needed was you.. but.. no.. you got into a relation with the only one I felt unsecured from. you sold the house. Our house.. how could you do this! and then you moved to live with him. I never lost hope Lou. I tried everyway .. then I realized.”

Louis looked at him eyes full of tears “ what! ”

“ you never loved me" tears on his checks “ you never loved me like I love you.. all my life I rely on you. all my life I wanted you because you were giving me power, strength.. Louis you said you love me when I was dying before.. and now you are saying it again.. and i'm dying again"

Louis was shaking his head “ how could you say I don't love you. I love you Harry.. I love you more than everything.. I can't live without you.”

“ but you could..”

Louis sobbed now

“ for more than a year.. you lived happily with someone else. you chose him.. and you keep choosing him. I mean you left me alone at hospital! ”

“ he needed help..”

“ I needed you.. but you never needed me. you always took me for granted Lou, do you know why you couldn’t forgive me even I spent a year asking for forgiveness?”

Louis was still crying

Harry sighed “ cause you never imagined I would do this, you never thought that I will do this after what you did to me, you stayed by my side helped me through my cancer.. a cancer you thought I will never survive.. but I did .. and you were stuck. you wanted to leave me thousands of times.. but you were afraid about your image.”

“ stop..”

“ you didn't want this relation and I was stupid.. I insisted because I know I can't make it again.. so I proposed. you couldn’t say no.. and you think there is nothing more you should give me.. I love you.. so being with you was all I wanted.. but I never was enough.”

“ God.. how could you think all of this?”

“ this is the truth.”

“ what truth.!! ”

then he yelled “ what truth? you are saying I never loved you the way you wanted.. you are saying I  
only married you because I was worried about my image?? what the fuck is wrong with you. is this what your heart keeps telling you.. that I married you cause I had to.”

Louis got closer “ that I never loved you. I took you for granted? Me? Oh God! .”

Harry stopped talking, Louis sighed “ I can't believe you oh God.. oh God!! ”

Louis felt he couldn't breath literally, his whole body was shaking, Harry felt there was something wrong, he was watching Louis

“ are you okay?”

Louis looked at him “ screw you.”

Then he leaned on the couch so he could support himself, Harry touched him “ what's wrong? Are you panicking?”

Harry helped Louis to sit on the couch, he sat in front if him on the floor

Louis looked at him trying to make a full breath, but everything was betraying him,

Harry said calmly “ look at me.. Lou.. follow my lead. breath in.. and out “ Louis tried “ you can do it.. breath in..” Louis did, Harry “ hold it.. now breath out" Louis did

They did this for a full five minutes, Louis was sitting in the couch , Harry still on floor “ better?”

Louis nodded, Harry stood up again, Louis still feeling dizzy, but breaths okay. 

“ I always love you Harry, but I was always scared.. I always felt like I will lose you somehow..”

Harry looked at him, “ you will.”

Louis looked at him, Harry shook his head “ they can't find a donor..”

Louis nodded “ they will..”

Harry shook his head “ when?”

“ they will Harry.”

Harry sighed “ I don't want this.”

“ what?”

“ this.. fighting.. trying to prove something.. waiting .. I don't want this.. “

“ they will find a donor , you will be okay... please Harry..”

Then he stood up, “ don’t lose hope now.. let me make things right.. if .. if you believe I never loved you.”

he cried “ that all my love to you was nothing, let me prove you wrong..”

Harry looked at him, Louis crying “ how could I let this happen?”

“ you will be okay..”

Louis shook his head “ I need to prove to you.. please, give me a second chance..”

Harry nodded smiling “ it's okay.. I didn't mean anything.. I was just mad “

“ please don't go..”

Harry slowly hugged Louis, Louis hugged back tightly,  
Then the door bell rang, Harry looked at Louis smiling “ that's the pizza..”

They ate together, watched TV, had a nice talking, Louis mad plans for everything in Harry treatment, Harry was listening, trying to interact, but hr just let Louis do all thr talk, Louis insisted to see Harry best movie, he insisted to make pop corn, they slept watching TV. 

When they headed towards their bed room, Louis was extremely tired, he waited Harry in bed while Harry was in bathroom, taking his shower, he must took long time , because Louis slept, when Harry slept beside him Louis felt him , so he took Harry in his lap, Harry rested his head on his chest, wrapping Louis by his hand, Louis played with his hair and they slowly was fading away, “ Lou..”

“ emhee"

“ promise me something..”

Louis eyes were closed, but Harry raised his head and looked at him , Louis opened his eyes, he felt scared , Harry's eyes were full of tears “ what baby?”

Harry kissed Louis a long kiss, Louis kissed back, and he was feeling it, he was getting Harry back, after the kiss, Harry rested his head back on Louis's chest  
Louis said “ promise you what?”

Harry sighed “ to try to forgive me.”

Louis smiled “ I've already done that..”

“ promise me Lou..”

Louis kissed Harry's curls “ okay I promise.. happy.? ”

Harry slowly nodded , “ let's sleep now, we have lots of things and appointments to make tomorrow...” Louis said

Harry cried but Louis didn’t see, he slowly nodded again,

Harry whispered “ I always loved you..”

Louis smiling “ I always loved you too Harry.. but now you are making me prove it to you..”

Harry only smiled “ goodnight Lou.”

“ goodnight Harry"

*****  
Next morning, Louis opened his eyes, once he opened his heart, he felt an ache in his heart, he didn't know why, he turned to face Harry, he was sleeping calmly beside him

“ wake up Harry..”

Then he looked at his phone “ shit .. we are late.”

He slowly left his bed “ wake up.. come on.. we should be at hospital three hours ago..”

He entered the bathroom that was inside the bedroom, he peed, then he yelled “ wake up Hazza"

Then he washed his hand and his face, and while he was wiping his hands, he noticed something At the basket, there was three pills bottles, Louis slowly leaned to collect them, the three bottles were empty, he checked the date, it was two days ago, and he gasped that he almost fell

“ Harry..” he yelled He ran outside, headed towards Harry who was still on bed didn't move, Louis stopped “ Harry..”

Nothing, he raised his voice “ Harry..”

Nothing

With a shaky hand , he wanted to touch, but he pulled his hand back still calling “ please Harry..”

Nothing, Louis's heart was beating fast, he looked at the nightstand, he wanted that glass of water Harry always put beside him, but he didn't find any, instead there was an envelope, and Louis's name on it,! 

And he knew what was in it, he looked at Harry, and with both hands, he touched Him , he was cold,  
Louis was crying, he slowly checked his pulse in his hand “ you idiot..” he was saying

There was nothing, he then put his head in his chest  
Nothing

Louis nodded, he was crying but he was still controlling his temper, he didn't know how

He sat by Harry, then he held his hand , he kissed it ,  
“ you idiot..”

He then looked at Harry's face, and he cried , put the hair away from his face

Then he hugged him, and he sobbed, he shook his body, he knew what happened, Harry killed himself, then he suddenly stood up, looked at Harry again, and then ran outside. 

*******

6 months later,

Louis was in his house, it was empty, he was standing in the middle remembering 

Anne came down the stairs “ I checked .. everything is okay..”

Louis nodded, she stood by him “ are you okay?”

Louis nodded, Anne “ I wish you could keep it..”

Louis shrugged “ you know I can't"

Anne sighed, she hugged his hand “ stop , please stop blaming yourself..”

Louis nodded, Anne “ he never blamed you.. I know he never did.. it wasn’t your fault.. if it was I will be the first one to tell you..”

Louis dried his tears, Anne kissed his check “ he loved you.. and we all know you loved him back..”

Louis nodded again, he never told her about the last conversation they had, he only told Zayn, he can't tell anyone, he can't stand living with this, and telling people will make it a true thing, that Harry died believing Louis never loved him.

Anne “ I will wait outside"

Louis nodded “ I will follow..”

Zayn entered the house “ are you ready.. everything is okay..”

Louis looked at him smiling , Zayn “ are you sure about this... he never asked you to sell it again..”

“ it's all his money.. he wanted to make that centre , you know how many children he will be helped..”

Zayn sighed “ not the house Lou, the money he left was enough"

Louis nodded “ I can't..”

Zayn nodded, Louis “ every part , a memory lives.. and I can't live haunted by memories.. that idiot thought I never loved him..”

Zayn smiled “ he was trying to make you leave..”

Louis smiled “ that what he wrote in the note he left me.. but I know he believes in it.. the least thing I can do.. is prove that I love him even if he is not around again..”

“ what else will you do.. you built that centre to help sick children... you made sure his organs were received and the people were healthy, what else!! ”

Louis sighed “ I don’t know.. I will spend my whole life thinking..”,

“ Harry knows.. he knows you love him Lou.. you know Harry..”

Louis nodded, but said nothing

Together they left the house, closing the door, Louis closing his heart too, deep inside he can't forgive himself, deep inside he believes he was the reason Harry killed himself, Louis put his hand on his pocket, to check , yes the paper still in there Louis, it will never go anyway, it will always be a part from Harry , the last thing Harry left, the last words Harry said

Louis, my love,  
When I first met you. I knew I was gay, I knew I needed you, and I knew I will marry you, And for the last ten years , you were my everything, my world, I know you forgave me about cheating, and I know you will try to forgive me about what I did. 

It was not your fault, but I can't take it anymore, I cant be sick again, I can't bear the waiting, my numbers are down, my immunity is down, I am dying slowly here and I can't let people I love suffer, mom, Gemma, Zayn, GiGi

And you, I wanted to give you the option to leave me by signing the divorce paper, but you stuck with me, when you left for Ben I kinda needed you to never get back, there where you belong, Ben is a good lad, he will take care of you. 

About last night, I never meant anything, I was confused, I wanted to hate you, but I can’t, I never will,  
Because I love you Louis, forever and always

Take care of mom and Gemma

See you in the other side  
Love,

Harry


End file.
